Cordelia: I am, of course, having my dress specially made. Off he rack gives me hives.
Cordelia: Uhhh! Behold the weirdness.
Buffy: You're probably wondering what I'm doing with this stuff, huh?
Cordelia: Wow, I'm not!
Ms. Miller: 'If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?'
Cordelia: Well, how about color me totally self-involved?
Cordelia: That is such a twinkie defense. Shylock should get over himself. People who think their problems are so huge craze me. Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she's trying to make it about her leg! Like my pain meant nothing.
Cordelia: Here's a chocolate... Oh. I don't think I need the loony-fringe vote.
Buffy: Well, I-I don't even like chocloates... Okay, that was the lamest comeback of our times.
Willow: Oh, God! Remember in sixth grade with the field trip?
Xander: Right! Right! The guy with the antlers on his belt!
Willow: Be my Deputy!
Xander: And remember the, the hat?
Buffy: Gee, it's fun that we're speaking in tougues.
Willow: I'm sorry.
Xander: It's just that we had this, uh... You had to be there.
Willow: It's not even funny.
Willow: Uh, Cordelia just has a history of trying too hard.
Snyder: Dead? Of course not. What are you, ghouls? There are no dead students here. This week.
Willow: What did you say? Mitch was gonna sue the school?
Snyder: Sue? Who?
Xander: Well, his dad is the most powerful lawyer in Sunnydale.
Snyder: Hold on. What have you two heard?
Xander: His dad, the lawyer. You haven't heard of him?
Willow: Other lawyers call him 'The Beast'.
Buffy: And monsters don't usually send messages. It's pretty much crush, kill, destroy.
Giles: Uh, I'm, uh, it's a bit of a puzzle, really. Um, I've never actually heard of anyone attacked by a lone baseball bat before.
Xander: Maybe it's a vampire bat... I'm alone with that one, huh?
Xander: What, so there's homework now? When did that happen?
Buffy: It's all part of the glamorous world of vampire slayage.
Cordelia: But... you should've seen him lying there. All black and blue? How's he gonna look in our Prom pictures? How am I ever gonna be able to show them to anyone?
Harmony: Well, they can do wonderful things with airbrushes these days.
Cordelia: You think?
Cordelia: She fell! She, she, we were standing at the top of the stairs and she just fell! All by herself!
Harmony: No! I was pushed!... Ow!
Snyder: Don't sue.
Xander: Well, yeah, I would give anything to be able to turn invisible. Well, I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up, but I'd use my powers to protect the girls' locker room.
Xander: Research Boy comes through with the knowledge!
Xander: Oh, hey, do you wanna come to our place tonight for dinner? Mom's making her famous phone call to the Chinese place.
Willow: Xander, do you guys even have a stove?
Giles: How exactly do you propose to hunt someone you can't see?... You may have to work on listening to people.
Buffy: Very funny.
Giles: I thought so.
Giles: A vampire in love with a Slayer! It's rather poetic! In a maudlin sort of way.
Angel: Looking in the mirror everyday and seeing nothing there... It's an overrated pleasure.
Cordelia: Being this popular is not just my right, but my responsibility, and I want you to know I take it very seriously.
Cordelia: Ask not what your school can do for you, ask: Hey! What am I wearing to the Spring Fling?
Willow: This girl had no friends at all.
Giles: Uh, once again I teeter at the precipice of the generation gap.
Buffy: 'Have a nice summer' is what you write when you have nothing to say.
Xander: It's the kiss of death.
Buffy: So, no one noticed her, and now she's invisible.
Xander: What, she turned invisible because no one noticed her?
Giles: Of course!... I've been investigating the mystical causes of invisibility when I, I should have looked at the quantum mechanical!... Physics.
Buffy: I think I speak for everyone here when I say, huh?
Giles: It's a rudimentary concept that, that reality is shaped, even, even... created by our perception.
Cordelia: Buffy, I, uh, I, I know we've had our differences, with you being so weird and all, and hanging out with these total losers...
Cordelia: Somebody is after me! They just tried to kill Ms. Miller. Uh, she was helping me with my homework. And Mitch! And Harmony?! This is all about me! Me, me, me!
Xander: Wow! For once she's right.
Cordelia: You're always around when all this weird stuff is happening. And I know you're very strong, and you've got all those weapons... I was kind of hoping you were in a gang.
Buffy: Cordelia, your attacker is an inivisible girl.
Xander: Who is really, really angry at you, which I... can't imagine personally, but it... takes all kinds, y'know?
Cordelia: If I'm not crowned tonight then, then Marcie's won! And that would be bad. She's evil, okay? Way eviler than me.
Buffy: Cordelia has a point.
Buffy: Well, if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at being popular?
Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.
Xander: Can you say 'gulp'?
Giles: The loneliness, the constantt exile, she's... she has gone mad!
Xander: Ya think?
Marcie: You don't get it. You're not the student. You're the lesson.
Marcie: I see right through you.
Buffy: Y'know, I really felt sorry for you. You've suffered. There's one thing I really didn't factor into all this. You're a thundering loony!
Buffy: Cordelia, shut up.
Buffy: I see you.
Buffy: Do you know that you guys are very creepy?
Doyle: Thank you for your help.
Manetti: Oh, and, uh... have a nice day.
Cordelia: Can I get untied now?