Welcome to the Hellmouth

In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.

Darla: What was that?
Boy: What was what?
Darla: I heard a noise.
Boy: It's nothing.
Darla: Uh, uh, maybe it's something.
Boy: Or maybe it's some thing!
Darla: That's not funny.

Joyce: Have a good time. I know you're gonna make friends right away, just think positive... And honey? Try not to get kicked out?
Buffy: I promise.

Xander: Scuse me, comin through, pardon me, scuse me, whoa! Scuse me, not sure how to stop! Please move, whoa, scuse me... Whoa!

Xander: I kind of had a problem with the math.
Willow: Uh, which part?
Xander: The math. Can you help me out tonight, pleeeease, be my study buddy?
Willow: Well, what's in it for me?
Xander: A shiny nickel!

Xander: So tell!
Jesse: Tell what?
Xander: What's the sitch, what do ya know about her?
Jesse: New girl!
Xander: Well, you're certainly a font of nothing!

Buffy: I know my transcripts are a little... colorful.
Flutie: Heeey... We're not caring about that. Do you think, uh, 'colorful' is the word?... Not, uh, 'dismal'?
Buffy: Wasn't that bad!
Flutie: You burned down the gym.
Buffy: I did, I really did, but... You're not seeing the big picture here, I mean, that gym was full of vampi... asbestos.

Xander: Can I have you? Duh... Can I help you?
Buffy: Thanks.
Xander: I don't know you, do I?
Buffy: I'm Buffy. I'm new.
Xander: Xander. Is, me. Hi.
Buffy: Um, thanks.
Xander: Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around. Maybe at school... since we... both... go there.
Buffy: Great! It was nice to meet you.
Xander: We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic... Oh, hey! Hey, you forgot your... stake!

Teacher: It's estimated that about 25 million people died in that one four-year span. But the fun part of the Black Plague is that it originated in Europe how?... As an early form of germ warfare.

Teacher: And this popular plague led to what social changes? Steve?

Cordelia: So you're from Hemery, right? In LA?
Buffy: Uh, yeah.
Cordelia: Oh, I would kill to live in LA. That close to that many shoes?... Well, you'll be okay here. If you hang with me and mine, you'll be accepted in no time. Of course, we do have to test your coolness factor. You're from L.A., so you can skip the written, but let's see. Vamp nail polish.
Buffy: Um, over?
Cordelia: So over. James Spader.
Buffy: He needs to call me!
Cordelia: Frappaccinos.
Buffy: Trendy, but tasty.
Cordelia: John Tesh.
Buffy: The Devil.
Cordelia: That was pretty much a gimme, but... you passed!
Buffy: Oh, goody!

Cordelia: Willow! Nice dress! Good to know you've seen the Softer Side of Sears.

Cordelia: You wanna fit in here, the first rule is: know your losers. Once you can identify them all by sight they're a lot easier to avoid... And if you're not too swamped with catching up you should come by the Bronze tonight.
Buffy: The who?
Cordelia: The Bronze. It's the only club worth going to around here. The let anybody in, but it's still the scene. It's in the bad part of town.
Buffy: Where's that?
Cordelia: About a half a block from the good part of town. We don't have a whole lot of town here.

Cordelia: So, um, I'll see you in gym, and you can tell me absolutely everything there is to know about you.
Buffy: Great!... Oh, that sounds like fun.

Buffy: Hello? Is anybody here?... Ooo! Anybody's here!
Giles: Can I help you?
Buffy: I was looking for some, well, books. I'm new.

Aphrodisia: The new kid? She seems kind of weird to me. What kind of name is Buffy?
Girl: Hey, Aphrodisia!
Aphrodisia: Oh, Hey!

Buffy: Uh, Hi! Willow, right?
Willow: Why? I-I mean, hi! Uh, did you want me to move?

Willow: But aren't you hanging out with Cordelia?
Buffy: I can't do both?
Willow: Not legally.

Willow: Uh, if you have sixth period free we could meet in the library?
Buffy: Or not. Or we could meet someplace quieter. Louder. Uh, that place just kinda gives me the wiggins.
Willow: Oh, it has that effect on most kids.

Xander: Oh, me and Buffy go waaay back, old friends, very close. Then there's that period of estrangement where I think we were both growing as people, but now here we are, like old times, I'm quite moved.
Jesse: Is is me, or are you turning into a bibbling idiot?
Xander: No, it's, uh, it's not you.
Buffy: Well, it's nice to meet you guys, I think.
Jesse: Well, you know, we wanted to welcome ya, make ya feel at home, unless you have a scary home...
Xander: And to return this... The only think I can think is that you're building a really little fence.
Buffy: Hah, no, um, a-a-actually it was for self-defense. Everyone has them in L.A. Pepper spray is just so passe.
Xander: So what do you do for fun, what do you like, what do you look for in a man, let's hear it.
Jesse: If you have any dark, painful secrets you'd like us to publish?
Buffy: Gee, everyone wants to know about me. How keen.

Cordelia: I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won't be meeting Coach Foster, the woman with the chest hair, because gym was canceled due to the extreme dead guy in the locker.
Buffy: What?
Willow: What are you talking about?
Cordelia: Some guy was stuffed in Aura's locker.
Buffy: Dead?
Cordelia: Totally Dead. Way dead.
Xander: It's not just a little dead then?
Cordelia: Don't you have an elsewhere to be?

Buffy: Cause, it's the weirdest thing. He's got two little, little holes in his neck, and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going, ooo?
Giles: I was afraid of this.
Buffy: Well, I wasn't! It's my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair. I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus. And I don't care.
Giles: They why are you here?
Buffy: To tell you that... I don't care, which... I don't, and... have now told you, so... bye.

Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?

Buffy: Yeah, and I've both been there and done that, and I'm moving on.

Buffy: What? You, like, sent away for the Time-Life series?
Giles: Ah, w-w-w-yes.
Buffy: Did you get the free phone?
Giles: Um, the calendar.
Buffy: Cool! But, okay, first of all, I'm a Vampire Slayer. And secondly, I'm retired. Hey, I know! Why don't you kill em?
Giles: I-I'm a Watcher, I-I haven't the skill...
Buffy: Oh, come on, stake through the heart, a little sunlight... It's like falling off a log.
Giles: A, a Slayer slays, a Watcher...
Buffy: ...watches?
Giles: Yes. No! He, he trains her, he, he, he prepares her...
Buffy: Prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of my friends? For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them? Go ahead! Prepare me.

Giles: Something's coming, something, something... something is gonna happen here. Soon!
Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?

Luke: The sleeper will wake. The sleeper will wake. The sleeper will wake. The sleeper will wake, and the world will bleed. Amen!

Joyce: Are you, uh, going out tonight?
Buffy: Yeah, I'm going to a club.
Joyce: Oh. Will there be boys there?
Buffy: No, Mom. It's a nun club.

Joyce: Oh, you're a good girl, Buffy, you just fell in with the wrong crowd. But that is all behind us now.
Buffy: It is. From now on I am only going to hang out with the living... I mean, lively. People.

Angel: I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite.

Buffy: Okay. What do I want?
Angel: To kill them. To kill them all.
Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax. What I want is to be left alone!
Angel: Do you really think that's an option anymore? You're standing at the Mouth of Hell. And it's about to open.

Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let's just say... I'm a friend.
Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: I didn't say I was yours.

Willow: I-I-I don't actually date a whole lot... lately.
Buffy: Why not?
Willow: Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy: It's not that bad!
Willow: No, i-it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.
Buffy: You really haven't been dating lately.

Buffy: Seize the moment, cause tomorrow you might be dead.
Willow: Oh, that's nice!

Buffy: So, you like to party with the students. Isn't that kinda skanky?

Buffy: You need a personality, stat!

Buffy: The Harvest. That mean something to you? Cause I'm drawing a blank.
Giles: I'm not sure. Uh... W-who told you this?
Buffy: This... guy. Dark, gorgeous in an annoying sort of way. I figured you two were buds.
Giles: No. The Harvest. Did he say anything else?
Buffy: Something about the Mouth of Hell. I really didn't like him!

Cordelia: Oh, yay, it's my stalker.

Jesse: Listen, uh, you know, you wanna dance, you know?
Cordelia: With you?
Jesse: Well, uh, yeah.
Cordelia: Well, uh, no!

Buffy: I didn't say I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it. You know, if I see one, sure I'll...

Buffy: You're like a textbook with arms, I know this.

Giles: But you didn't... hone.

Cordelia: God! What is your childhood trauma?!

Cordelia: Excuse me, I have to call everyone I have ever met, right now.

Willow: Sure is dark.
Thomas: It's night.
Willow: Well, that's a dark time, night. Traditionally.

Xander: We're talking about Willow, right? Scoring at the Bronze, work it girl...

Xander: Oh, hey, I hope he's not a vampire, because them you might have to slay him.
Buffy: Was there a... a school bulletin? Was it i-in the newspaper? Is there anyone in this town who doesn't know I'm the Slayer?

Darla: You're not going anywhere until we've... fed!

Buffy: Well, this is nice. I-it's a little bare, but a dash of paint, a few throw pillows... call it home!
Darla: Who the hell are you?
Buffy: You mean there's actually someone in this town who doesn't know already? Whew, that' s relief. I'm telling you! Having a secret identity in this town is a job of work.

Buffy: Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge!

Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way, or... well, actually, there's just the hard way.

Buffy: Are you sure? Now, this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content... See what happens when you roughhouse?

Darla: Who are you?
Buffy: Don't you know?
Luke: I don't care!

Luke: You're strong... I'm stronger!

Luke: You're wasting my time.
Buffy: Hey, I had other plans, too, okay?
Luke: You think you can stop me? Stop us? You have no idea what you're dealing with. And like a plague of boils, the race of man covered the Earth. But on the third day of the newest light would come the Harvest. And the blood of men will flow as wine. When the Master will walk among them once more. The Earth will belong to the old ones. And Hell itself will come to town. Amen!

Episode Guide: Welcome to the Hellmouth

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- - last updated: 12-31-02 - -