The Harvest
Giles: This world is older than any of you know. Contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons deomns walked the Earth. They made it their home, their... their Hell. But in time they lost their purchase on this reality. The way was made for mortal animals, for, for man. All that remains of the old ones are vestiges, certain magicks, certain creatures...
Buffy: And vampires.
Xander: Okay, this is where I have a problem. See, because we're talking about vampires. We're having a talk with vampires in it.
Willow: Oh, I, I need to sit down.
Buffy: You are sitting down.
Willow: Oh. Good for me.
Giles: The books tell the last demon to leave this reality fed off a human, mixed their blood. He was a human form possessed, infected by the demon soul. He bit another, and another, and so they walk the Earth, feeding... Killing some, mixing their blood with others to make more of their kind. Waiting for the animals to die out, and the old ones to return.
Luke: And there was a girl. She fought well and she knew of our breed. It is possible that she may be...
The Master: ...a Slayer!
Xander: And that would be a what?
Girls: For as long as there have been vampires there's been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One.
Buffy: He loves doing this part.
Giles: Alright. The Slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is a Slayer, don't tell anyone. Well, I think that's all the vampire information you need.
Willow: Well, we don't have to say vampires. We, we could just say that there's a, a bad man.
Giles: So, all the city plans are just, uh, open to the public?
Willow: Um, well, i-in a way. I sort of stumbled onto them when I accidentally decrypted the city council's security system.
Xander: Someone's been naughty.
Buffy: God! I am so mentally challenged!
Giles: That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?
Buffy: Welcome to the New World.
Mr. Flutie: And where do we think we're going?
Buffy: We?... Me...
Mr. Flutie: We're not leaving school grounds, are we?
Buffy: No! No, I'm... just admiring the fence. You know, this is quality fence work.
Xander: And I, in the mean time, will help by standing around like an idiot.
Willow: Not like an idiot, just... standing.
Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz'. Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
Willow: I know. And everyone else thinks it's just a normal day.
Xander: Nobody knows. It's like we've got this big secret.
Willow: We do. That's what a secret is, when you know something other guys don't.
Buffy: I don't suppose you've got a key on you?
Angel: They really don't like me dropping in.
Buffy: Why not?
Angel: They really don't like me.
Buffy: How could that possibly be?
Buffy: Look, if you're gonna be popping up with this cryptic wise man act on a regular basis can you at least tell me your name?
Angel: Angel.
Buffy: Angel. It's a pretty name.
Angel: Don't... go down there.
Buffy: Deal with my going.
Angel: You shouldn't be putting yourself at risk. Tonight is the Harvest. Unless you can prevent it, the Master walks.
Buffy: Well, if this Harvest thing is such a suckfest why don't you stop it?
Angel: Cause I'm afraid.
Buffy: I've got a friend down there. Or at least a potential friend. Do you know what it's like to have a friend?... That wasn't supposed to be a stumper.
Buffy: You gonna wish me luck?
Angel: ...Good luck!
Xander: You've done some beheading in your time?
Buffy: Oh, yeah. There was this time I was pinned down by this guy that played left tackle for varsity... Well, at least he used to before he was a vampire... Anyway, he had this really, really thick neck, and all I had was a little, little Exact-O knife... You're not loving this story.
Xander: No, actually, I find it oddly comforting.
Cordelia: Why do we have to devise these programs, isn't that what nerds are for?
Boy: Why was she kicked out?
Cordelia: Uh, because she's a psycho loony!
Willow: No, she's not.
Cordelia: What?
Willow: She's not a psycho. You don't even know her.
Cordelia: Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist? Do I horn in on your private discussions? No. Why? Because you're boring.
Harmony: Okay, I think the program's done.
Cordelia: Finally the nightmare ends! Okay, so how do we save it?
Willow: Deliver.
Cordelia: Deliver? Where's that? ...Oh!
Jesse: I am not okay, on an epic scale.
Buffy: I don't think this is the way out!
Jesse: I feel good, Xander! I feel strong! I'm connected, man, to everything! I, I can hear the worms in the earth.
Xander: That's a plus.
Xander: Jesse, man. We're buds, don't you remember?
Jesse: You're like a shadow to me now.
Giles: It's all coming together. I rather wish it weren't.
Master: Tonight I shall walk the Earth, and the stars themselves will hide.
Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good.
Buffy: So, Giles! Got anything that can make this day any worse?
Giles: How about the end of the world?
Buffy: Knew I could count on you.
Buffy: He came cause this town's a mystical who's it.
Giles: Yes. The Spanish who first settled here called it 'Boca del Infierno'. Roughly translated, 'Hellmouth'. It's a sort of, um, portal between this reality and the next.
Giles: You see, opening dimensional portals is a tricky business. Odds are he got himself stuck, rather like a, uh, cork in a bottle.
Joyce: I know. If you don't go out it'll be the end of the world. Everything is life or death when you're a sixteen-year-old girl.
Cordelia: Senior boys are the only way to go. Guys from our grade, forget about it, they're children. Y'know? Like Jesse. Did you see him last night, following me around like a little puppy dog. You just wanna put him to sleep. But senior boys, hmm, they have mystery. They have... What's the word I'm searching for? Cars! I'm just not the type to settle. Y'know? It's like when I go shopping. I have to have the most expensive thing. Not because its expensive, but because it costs more.
Girl: You know, I...
Cordelia: Hello, Miss Motormouth, can I get a sentence finished?
Cordelia: Well, just one dance.
Giles: We're too late!
Buffy: I didn't know I was gonna get grounded!
Buffy: You get the exit cleared and the people out. That's all! Don't go all Wild Bunch on me.br.
Buffy: Oh, I'm sorry. Were you in the middle of something?
Xander: Head's up!
Luke: Master! Taste of this... and be free!
Buffy: How'd it taste?
Luke: You forget, metal can't hurt me.
Buffy: There's something you forgot about, too. Sunrise!... It's in about nine hours, moron!
Angel: She did it! I'll be damned!
Willow: Did we win?
Cordelia: I mean, I don't even remember that much, but I'm telling you, it was a freak show!
Girl: Oh, I wish I'd been there!
Cordelia: You should have been there. It was so creepy...
Giles: We've prevented the Master from freeing himself and opening the mouth of Hell. That's not to say he's going to stop trying. I'd say the fun is just beginning.
Willow: More vampires?
Giles: Not just vampires. The next threat we face may be something quite different.
Buffy: I can hardly wait!
Giles: We're at the center of a mystical convergence here. We may, in fact, stand between the Earth and its total destruction.
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kickedout of school!
Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking a more subtle approach, y'know, like excessive not studying.
Giles: The Earth is doomed!