The Witch

Giles: This is madnesss! What can you have been thinking? You are the Slayer! Lives depend upon you! I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amout of responsibliity, and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this... cult?
Buffy: You don't like the color?
Giles: I d... Do you, um... Do you ignore everything I say as a, as a rule?
Buffy: No, I believe that's your trick.

Buffy: And you'll be stopping me how?

Buffy: I'd say he should get a girlfriend if he weren't so old.

Xander: Ooo, stretchy! Where was I?
Willow: You were pretending that seeing scantily clad girls in revealing postures was a spiritual experience.
Xander: Who said I was pretending?

Amy: Oh, how I hate this, let me count the ways.

Buffy: Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide.

Willow: That girl's on fire!
Cordelia: Enough of the hyperbole!

Xander: So, we have no idea what caused this. That's a comfort.
Giles: But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth! There's a veritable cornucopia of, of fiends and devils and, and ghouls to engage... Pardon me for finding the glass half full.

Xander: We're a team! Aren't we a team?
Willow: Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!

Xander: Oh, huh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.

Joyce: Hi, how was school?
Buffy: Mm, a reverent joy.

Joyce: The fertility statue, you don't need to see it.
Buffy: Jeepers!

Cordelia: You say that, right? That wasn't me! You saw that, right? Right?

Willow: Yeah, her mom's kinda...
Buffy ...Nazi like?
Willow: Heil.

Buffy: So, mommy dearest is really... Mommy Dearest?

Cordelia: We have to achieve our dreams, Amy. Otherwise we... wither and die!

Xander: Was she wearin it? The bracelet, she was wearin it, right? Pretty much like we're goin out.
Willow: Except without the hugging or kissing or her knowing about it.
Xander: So I'm just a figure of fun.

Xander: That's why you're so cool! You're like a guy! You're my guy friend that knows about girl stuff!
Willow: Oh great. I'm a guy.

Xander: Cover me, I'm goin in.

Xander: One of those girls hit me really hard! You should test for steroids.

Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.

Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
Joyce: This is Gidgit hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?

Buffy: Oh, this just in: I'm not you!

Xander: Cordelia, you haven't been mean to me all day. Is it something I've done?... Okay, see how she has no clue that I'm even a mammal, much less a human being?
Willow: I see that.
Xander: This is the invisible man syndrome. A blessing in Cordelia's case. A curse in Buffy's.
Willow: You're not invisible to Buffy.
Xander: It's worse! I'm just like a part of the senery, like an old shoe. Or a rug that you walk on every day but don't really see it.
Willow: Like a pen that's all chewed up, and you know you should throw it away, but you don't, not cause you like it so much, more cause you're just used to...
Xander: Will, yeah, that is the point, you don't have to drive it through my head like a railroad spike. I'm gonna take your advice and not beat around the bush.
Willow: Or I could be wrong! Maybe you should beat around the bush more.
Xander: Nah, I gotta be a man and ask her out. Y'know, I gotta stop giving her ID bracelets, uh, subtle innuendoes, taking Polaroids outside her bedroom window late at night, that last part is a joke to relieve the tension because here she comes... Okay, into battle I go. Would you ask her out for me? No. Man. Me battle.

Giles: Witchcraft. Blinding your enemy to disorient and disable them is, it's classic!
Xander: First vampires, now witches. No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale.

Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?

Giles: Uh, let me make sure I have this right. This witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells so that she can become a cheerleader?
Buffy: I think you're underestimating the amount of pressure a parent can lay on you. If you're not a picture perfect carbon copy they tend to wig.

Buffy: Amy, help me. Um, which is the hydrochloric acid and which is the, uh, ammonium hydroxide?
Amy: Well, the bottle that says 'hydrochloric acid' is usually the hydrochloric acid.
Buffy: Read the bottles. Good concept!

Xander: We're right behind you, only... further back.

Buffy: The test was positive! She's our Sabrina.

Buffy: That is totally yester. Besides, it's not like you were wrong, y'know. I did get kicked outta school. I'm just wacky that way!
Joyce: Still, I just want you to know that, despite the problems you've had, I really...
Buffy: Mom, you just don't get it. And, believe me, you don't want it. Y'know, there are just some things about being a Vampire Slayer that the older generation...
Joyce: A what?
Buffy: It's a... long story.

Buffy: Willow! Xander! My buds are here! I love my buds! Hi! Hi... Oh...
Xander: Is it me, or is Buffy a bit looped?

Buffy: Did I do that?

Buffy: She's a witchy!

Buffy: Hmm, I know you don't, that's cause you're my friend. You're my friend. You're my Xander-shaped friend! Do you have any idea why I love you so, Xander?

Buffy: You're not like other boys at all.
Xander: Well...
Buffy: You are totally, and completely one of the girls. I'm that comfy with him.
Xander: That's great.

Giles: Well, the other way is to cut the witch's head off.
Xander: Show of hands!

Buffy: It's not Amy's fault. She only became a witch to survive her mother.
Xander: Look, I don't care why. I just care that you go on breathing.

Buffy: Amy? Are you Amy?
Giles: I don't understand.
Buffy: She switched! She switched your bodies, didn't she?
Giles: Good Lord!
Buffy: She wanted to relive her glory days!
Catherine: She said I was wasting my youth. So she took it!

Amy: Help me? With what?
Willow: Uh, well, y'know, all your witchcraft! I, I know this really good cauldron. Do you actually ride a broom?

Giles: The gate is closed! Receive the dark! Release the unworthy! Take of mine energy and be sated!

Buffy: Guess what? I feel better!
Catherine: That body was mine! Mine!
Buffy: Oh, grow up!

Giles: Well, that was, um, interesting.

Xander: Uh, hey Willow! It's cool!
Willow: It is?
Xander: Yeah, I took care of it.

Joyce: I've been doing a lot of thinking about where you're coming from, how to relate to you... and I've come to a very simple conclusion: I don't get it.
Buffy: I'm inscrutable, huh?
Joyce: You're sixteen. I think there's a, a biological imperative whereby I can't understand you because I'm not sixteen.

Cordelia: Hey, I'm really sorry you guys got bumped back to alternates. Hold it, wait... no I'm not.
Amy: Well, I know that I'll miss the intellectual thrill of spelling out words with my arms.
Cordelia: Ooo, these grapes are sour!

Amy: I'm just happy to have my body back. I'm thinking of getting fat.
Buffy: Y'know, I hear that look's in for spring.

Episode Guide: The Witch

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- - last updated: 12-31-02 - -