Never Kill A Boy On the First Date
Buffy: We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Buffy, and you're history!
Giles: I'm not saying that your methods are without merit, it's uh, y-you're spending too much time and energy. It should simply be: plunge, and move on. Plunge and... Hello.
Master: 'And there will be a time of crisis, of worlds hanging in the balance. And in this time shall come the Anointed, the Master's great warrior. And the Slayer will not know him, will not stop him, and he will lead her into Hell'. As it is written, so shall it be. 'Five will die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise. The Brethren of Aurelis shall greet him and usher him to his immortal destiny.' As it is written, so shall it be. 'And one of the brethren shall go out hunting the night before and get himself killed, because he couldn't wait to finish his job before he ate.' Oh, wait. That's not written anywhere. The Anointed shall be my greatest weapon against the Slayer! If you fail to bring him to me, if you allow that girl to stop you... Here endeth the lesson.
Buffy: Ooo, two points for the Slayer, while the Watcher has yet to score!
Giles: What do you want?
Owen: A book?
Giles: Oh!
Buffy: See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things.
Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.
Owen: I didn't think I'd find you here.
Buffy: W... Why not?
Owen: I, I didn't mean... I mean... I think you can read.
Buffy: Thanks.
Buffy: That was Owen!
Giles: Yes, I remember.
Willow: Wow! He hardly talks to anyone. He's solitary, mysterious... He can brood for forty minutes straight, I've clocked him.
Xander: Has anybody given any thought to what this green stuff is?
Buffy: Hmm, I'm avoiding the subject.
Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: I mean, how'd the laying go? No, I don't mean that either.
Buffy: Boy, Cordelia's hips are wider than I thought!
Cordelia: Eh, heh!
Owen: At least you don't have to eat your Soylent Green.
Cordelia: No, no, no! She, uh, she doesn't like fun.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
Buffy: But... cute guy! Teenager! Post-pubsecent fantasies!
Giles: Well, you know what they say. 90% of the vampire slaying game is, is waiting.
Buffy: You couldn't have told me that 90% ago?
Giles: If your identiy as the Slayer is revealed it could put you and those around you in grave danger.
Buffy: Well, in that case I won't wear my button that says, 'I'm a Slayer, ask me how!'
Andrew: Are you willing to stand with the righteous?
Xander: So you just went home?
Buffy: What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen, 'Sorry I was late, I was sitting in a cemetery with the librarian waiting for a vampire to rise so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass?'
Xander: Or flat tire?
Buffy: I can't take this anymore. I feel like everyone is staring at me, the big, hideous, dateless monster... What? Yeah, that's right, I have no life, c'mon, nothing to see here, pal, move it along!
Buffy: He's not any guy. He's more... Oweny.
Owen: W-where were you last night?
Buffy: Oh. Well, um, my watch broke and we don't have any clocks in our house and so I didn't know what time it was or even what day it was...
Owen: I thought I was the only one that happened to. How bout we try it again for tonight? I'll even lend you my watch.
Buffy: Tonight? Y-you and me?
Owen: Well, we could invite the chess club, but they drink and they start fights...
Buffy: Oh, no, it's just... Well, I... sort of heard that... you and Cordelia were... somewhat, all over each other. A little...
Owen: I danced with her a couple of times... She's kinda grabby.
Xander: Yeah, so it is. It sure is so.
Giles: She is the strangest girl.
Buffy: Okay, guy's opinion... Which one do you think Owen will like better? The red or the peach?
Xander: Oh, you mean for kissing you and then telling all his friends how easy you are so the whole school loses respect for you and then talks behind your back? The red's fine.
Buffy: Thanks. I'll go with the peach.
Giles: You have a date.
Bufy: Yes, but I will return those overdue books by tomorrow.
Giles: Wait, you're not getting off that easily.
Owen: Man, you really care about your work!
Giles: Another date? Don't you ever do anything else?
Buffy: This is the first date! There's never been a date, okay? This is my maiden voyage!
Buffy: And a cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer!
Giles: Buffy, maintaining a normal social life as a Slayer... i-i-is problematic at best.
Buffy: This is the 90's. The 1990's, in point of fact, and I can do both. Clark Kent has a job. I just wanna go on a date.
Buffy: And look, I won't go far, okay? If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
Willow: We should... go along.
Xander: Yeah, you're right. I don't trust that Owen guy. It's the eyes. Crazy!
Willow: Xander, we should go with Giles! He could get in trouble!
Xander: Oh, he's gone, uh, it's, he's gonna be alright. He's like super librarian, y'know? Everyone forgets, Willow, that knowledge is the ultimate weapon.
Owen: It's weird.
Buffy: What is?
Owen: You! One minute you're right there. I've got you figured. The next, it's like you're two people.
Buffy: Really? Which one do you like better?
Owen: I'll let you know.
Cordelia: Owen! Look at you, here all alone...
Owen: Cordelia, I'm here with Buffy.
Cordelia: Oh! Okay. Do you wanna dance?
Owen: No, I'm still here with Buffy.
Buffy: Cordelia, Owen and I would like to be alone right now, and for that to happen, you would have to go somewhere that's away.
Owen: Are you, uh, having fun?
Buffy: Yeah. I almost feel like a girl.
Xander: Look, I hate to state the obvious, but this looks like a job for Buffy?
Giles: Uh, she has her, her... beeping thing!... Um, no phone, of course.
Cordelia: Ooo! Hello, salty goodness! Pick up the phone, call 911. That boy is gonna need some serious oxygen after I'm through with him.
Angel: You're here on a date?
Buffy: Yes! Why is it such a shock to everyone?
Owen: Look at this! You show up everywhere. Interesting.
Xander: You don't know the half of it.
Buffy: Bite me!
Owen: She's the strangest girl!
Giles: They came after me. But I was more than a match for them.
Buffy: Meaning...?
Giles: I hid.
Giles: Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time.
Owen: I read a lot about death, but... but I've... never really seen a dead body before. Do they... usually move?
Andrew: He is risen in me! He fills my head with song! Pork and beans. Pork and beans! I can smell you.
Owen: Did you see that? He tried to bite me! What a sissy!
Buffy: You killed my date!
Owen: Does anyone have an aspirin? Or sixty?
Xander: No, see, what you need is a guy who already knows your deepest, darkest secrets and still says, 'Hey! I like that girl!' Someone like...
Buffy: Um, that was my hopeful ear. Could you repeat that?
Giles: I was ten years old when my father told me I was destined to be a Watcher. He was one, and his, uh, mother before him, and I was to be next.
Buffy: Were you thrilled beyond all measure?
Giles: No, I had definite plans about my future. I was going to be a fighter pilot. Or possibly a grocer, well, uh... My father gave me a very tiresome speech about, uh, responsibility and sacrifice.
Buffy: Sacrifice, huh?
Giles: I have volumes of lore, of prophecies, of predictions. But I don't have an instruction manual. We feel our way as we go along. And, I must say, as a Slayer, you're, you're doing... pretty well.
Master: 'And in this time will come the Annointed. And the Slayer will not know him. She will not stop him, and he will lead her into hell.' Welcome, my friend.