Killed By Death
Xander: Man, Buffy! My whole life just flashed before my eyes! I gotta get me a life!
Buffy: No, I feel fine. I mean,I'm... the world's spinning a little bit, but I like it, it's kinda like a ride.
Cordelia: Half the school's out with the flu. It's a serious deal, Buffy. We're all concerned about how gross you look.
Buffy: I'm touched. Really. But I have work to do.
Angelus: Not feeling well, lover?
Buffy: That helps.
Angelus: You know, you being off your game's kinda takin the fun out of all this. Nope, still fun! Uh oh, this does not look good for our heroine.
Intern: What happened?
Xander: She fell.
Willow: The flu.
Cordelia: She fainted.
Xander: The flu, fainted and fell. She's sick, make it better!
Joyce: Buffy? Hi, sweetheart.
Xander: Hey, Buffy, we're all here.
Buffy: Hey. Here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home?
Dr. Wilkinson: No, Buffy, you need to lie down, honey.
Buffy: Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's not my bed.
Dr. Wilkinson: She's still a little out of it.
Buffy: Shh! Hospital zone, no singing.
Buffy: Giles, tell them! The vampires! I need to kill the vampires!
Dr. Wilkinson: This'll help you relax.
Buffy: Ow! No!
Xander: It's gotta be the fever.
Willow: Yeah, it made her delusional.
Buffy: They're out there!
Giles: Yes, uh, well, we'll, uh, we'll get those, uh, vampires later. I hear it's best t-to play along.
Xander: Do you think she's gonna be okay in here?
Cordelia: I don't know, Lysette got her nose done here, and she came in looking for the Gwyneth Paltrow, and it looked more like the Mr. Potatohead.
Xander: Cordy...
Willow: Buffy's not here for cosmetic surgery.
Cordelia: No, but while she's in here, she might as well get that thing done. You know, that thing on her face? You know that thing.
Willow: Do you think Angel will attack Buffy in here?
Xander: He can come in, it's a public building.
Willow: That's true.
Cordelia: Am I the only one that's noticed that thing?
Ryan: He comes at night. The grownups don't see him. He was with Tina. He'll come back for us.
Buffy: Who?
Ryan: Death.
Xander: Visiting hours are over.
Angelus: Well, I'm pretty much family.
Xander: Yeah. Why don't you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess you can't.
Angelus: If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you think for one microsecond that you could stop me?
Xander: Maybe not. Maybe the security guard couldn't either. Or those cops... or the orderlies... But I'm kinda curious to find out. You game?
Angelus: Buffy's White Knight. You still love her. It must just eat you up that I got there first.
Xander: You're gonna die. And I'm gonna be there.
Xander: Flowers for milady.
Buffy: I think they call those balloons.
Xander: Yeah, sick them in water. Maybe they'll grow.
Willow: Not to be outdone...
Buffy: Homework!
Willow: It's my way of saying, get well soon.
Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better.
Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
Buffy: Chocolate means nothing to me.
Cordelia: Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. I was out of the loop on gifts.
Giles: It's traditional among... um, people. Um... Grapes.
Buffy: A-and then there was this kid, Ryan. He said he saw something.
Giles: Saw what?
Buffy: Death.
Cordelia: Death?
Willow: The Death? As in, 'it is your time'?
Giles: Buffy, a-a-a frightened child...
Buffy: Yeah, but I thought I saw something. I'm not sure, I was really out of it, but...
Cordelia: But you know you saw death.
Willow: Did it have an hourglass?
Xander: Ooo, if he asks you to play chess, don't even do it. The guy's like, a whiz.
Buffy: Maybe it wasn't death. Maybe it was something else.
Cordelia: So this isn't about you being afraid of hospitals cause your friend died and you wanna conjure up a monster that you can fight so you can save everybody and not feel so helpless?
Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.
Cordelia: This is what happens when you're compassionate towards sick people. They take advantage of you.
Xander: Uh-huh. Buffy almost died just to put you out.
Cordelia: I didn't wanna be the first one to say it.
Guard: You know, most people think that security guards are just guys who failed the police exam. But that's not me. This is my career.
Cordelia: Stereotypes are so unfair.
Guard: I did take the fireman's exam, though. I didn't do so good.
Cordelia: Oh, well, you know, I think that security guards are way sexier than firemen. They're all sooty.
Guard: Well, this is where all the action is anyhow. I'm all the time restraining people.
Cordelia: Mm, how thrilling. Do you ever get scared?
Guard: 'Fear if for the weak.' That's my motto. Either that, or 'Live in the now.' I haven't decided yet.
Cordelia: I bet you see a lot of tragedy. You know, like that little girl?
Guard: Oh, one of Dr. Backer's patients. Dr. Backer's a great man. He understands... the real truth about children.
Cordelia: What's that?
Guard: Sometimes they die. What was that?
Cordelia: Uh, you know, I didn't hear anything. You know, you have the most... perfect nose I've ever seen. You must work out.
Cordelia: Oh, right. Your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not?
Xander: Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, I've seen you watch her back.
Xander: What is that supposed to mean?
Cordelia: Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for looking at her butt. You know sort of a pun.
Xander: Oh! Right. Hey!
Cordelia: Well, you do.
Xander: Jealous?
Cordelia: Fine. Watch my back.
Buffy: Ryan, listen to me. I'm not gonna let this thing hurt you. Any of you. Grown-ups don't believe you, right? Well, I do. We both know that there are real monsters. But there's also real heros that fight monsters. And that's me.
Ryan: Can't fight death.
Buffy: It wan't Backer. He was clean.
Cordelia: What do you mean 'clean'?
Xander: What you you mean 'was'?
Buffy: He's dead. This thing killed him, and not with kindness.
Joyce: Ooo, looks like I interrupted a secret meeting.
Cordelia: You sure didn't!
Buffy: Uh, I feel all oogy.
Xander: Increased ooginess. That's a danger signal.
Willow: Oh, yeah, I'm good at medical stuff since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, uh, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
Buffy: I never have.
Xander: I'm on sentry duty. Angel won't show till sundown if at all, but maybe I'll get lucky with this death guy.
Cordelia: He's invisible.
Xander: Yeah, but if I see a floating pipe and a smoking jacket, he's dropped.
Giles: Well, you two, stay alert.
Xander: Finding out who this thing is takes priority. Cordy, you should go with Giles.
Giles: Why do I have to have... Uh, good thinking. I-I-I could do with a research assistant.
Cordelia: Let's go, tact-guy.
Cordelia: Eww, what does this do?
Giles: What?
Cordelia: What does this do?
Giles: Uh, it, uh, extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells.
Cordelia: Wow! What does this one do?
Giles: Um, i-it elongates its mouth to, uh, engulf its victims head with its incisors.
Cordelia: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do?
Giles: It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done.
Cordelia: Boy, there's demon for everything.
Cordelia: Oh! Eww!
Buffy: What?
Cordelia: Oh! Uh, you should see this thing! The way it does its thing, I mean, eww! Why do I let you guys drag me into this stuff?
Giles: Uh, uh, Buffy? Are you still there?
Buffy: Hanging on every eww.
Buffy: Willow, I'm going to do this.
Willow: Buffy, that's 100% pure. It'll kill you in an instant.
Buffy: Oh. They really should put that on the label.
Willow: Frogs! Frogs! Get em off of me! Oh, my God, frogs! Get them off of me! Please, help! Get em off! FROGS! Frogs! Oh, my God, horrible frogs! Get em...
Dr. Wilkinson: Not her the other one!
Willow: No more frogs!
Xander: You don't know how to kill this thing.
Buffy: I thought I might try violence.
Xander: Solid call.
Xander: Oh, oh, oh, and another bag of cheesy chips.
Joyce: Uh, you ate the last one.
Xander: No, there's another bag hidden behind the raisins.
Joyce: I'm on it.
Xander: Your mom's tryin to Bogart the cheesy dhips. What's that all about?
Joyce: Oh, Buffy, here. Um, this came in the mail.
Buffy: It's from Ryan.
Joyce: The boy from the hospital? Oh, he drew you a picture. How... nice.