Giles: Must we have this noise during your calisthenics?
Buffy: It's not noise! It's music!
Giles: I know music. Music has notes. This is noise.
Buffy: I'm aerobicising! I must have a beat!
Giles: Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears.
Giles: Ahhh! Very good. And the rest is silence.
Young Giles: Time to go to sleep!
Buffy: I'm on a beach, but not one of those American beaches, one of those island beaches where the water's way too blue, and I'm laying on my towel, and it's just before sunset, and Gavin Rossdale's massaging my feet!
Willow: Oh, that's good! Uh, I'm in Florence, Italy, I've rented a scooter that's parked outside, and I'm in a little restaurant eating ziti, and there are no more tables left, so they have to seat this guy with me, and it's John Cusack!
Buffy: Ooo! Very impressive. You have such an eye for detail.
Willow: Cause with the ziti!
Xander: What are you two up to?
Buffy: Just having a quick game of 'Anywhere But Here'.
Xander: Ooohhh. Amy Yip at the waterslide park.
Willow: You never come up with anything new.
Xander: I'm just not fickle like you two, okay? I'm constant in my affections. Amy Yip at the waterslide park!
Xander: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades.
Buffy: He probably sat in math class thinking, 'There should be more math. This could be mathier'.
Giles: Uh, we'll meet outside the hospital at 8:30 sharp. I'll bring the weaponry.
Buffy: I'll bring the party mix!
Giles: Just don't be late.
Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?
Xander: Those poor schlubs have to attend school on Saturday!
Jenny: 9am okay with you, Xander?
Buffy: Got a bit of schlub on your shoe there.
Xander: Heh, heh.
Jenny: Well, Cordelia's gonna meet us.
Xander: Ooh, gang, did ya hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery, and its my best day ever.
Jenny: I'm lying Rupert. The book's fine. I just love to see you squirm.
Giles: Yes, well, I, uh... trust I gave good... squirm.
Jenny: Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a fuddy-duddy?
Giles: Nobody ever seems to tell me anything else.
Jenny: Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a sexy fuddy-duddy?
Giles: Well, no. Actually that, that part usually gets left out. I c-can't imagine why.
Cordelia: Oh! Great! Can you help me with a ticket? It's totally bogus. It was a one-way street. I was going one way.
Cordelia: What?! Why does everyone always yell my name? I'm not deaf! And I can take a hint. What's the hint?
Giles: To come back later.
Cordelia: Yeah, when you've visited decaf land.
Buffy: All's well that ends with cute ER doctors. I always say.
Angel: Maybe he's late.
Buffy: Giles? Who counts tardiness as, like, the eighth deadly sin?
Xander: Y'know, computers are on the way out. I think paper's gonna make a big comeback.
Willow: And the abacus.
Xander: Yeah, you know, you don't see enough abaci.
Jenny: Alright, guys. The first thing we're gonna do is... Buffy!
Xander: Huh? Did I fall asleep already?
Willow: Aw, you miss your friends?
Xander: Uh, sit here, Buffs! Demilitarize the zone between me and Cordelia!
Cordelia: Yeah, and delouse him while you're at it.
Xander: Yep, yep, I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My uncle Rory was the stodgiest taxidermist you've ever met by day. By night, it was booze, whores and fur flying. Were there whores?
Buffy: No, he was alone.
Xander: Give it time.
Giles: Is everyone alright?
Cordelia: Super! I kicked a guy!
Jenny: We're okay.
Xander: Deadguy here interrupted our tutorial. Benn meaning to thank you for that.
Willow: Now, there's something you don't see everyday.
Cordelia: I'm gonna be in theraphy til I'm thirty.
Buffy: Xander, how do you feel about digging through some of Giles' personal files and seeing what you can find?
Xander: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath? Nah.
Jenny: Nothing's safe in this world, Rupert. Don't you know that by now?
Cordelia: I'm guessing eww!
Jenny: God, you just don't change, do you?
Jenny/Eyghon: It's not right, it wouldn't be proper, people might get hurt. You're like a woman, Ripper. You cry at every funeral. You never had the strength for me. You don't deserve me. But guess what? You've got me. Under your skin. Was it good for you?
Buffy: Don't be sorry, be Giles. C'mon, we fight monsters. This is what we do. They show up, they scare us, I beat em up and they go away. This isn't any different.
Giles: It is different.
Buffy: Because you don't know how to stop it?
Giles: Because I created it!
Ethan: How does Ripper inspire such goodness?
Buffy: Cause he's Giles.
Willow: We have to figure out how to kill this thing, and we need to do it fast.
Xander: Uh, 'hot lava'.
Willow: That's for a heretic.
Xander: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, ooo, ooo! 'Bury a potato!' No, that's for warts. Who writes this stuff?
Cordelia: I've got the solution right here. 'To kill a demon cut off its head'.
Xander: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah! We'll find Ms. Calendar, then we'll decapitate her. Hey! She'll be the first headless computer teacher in school. You think anybody'll notice?
Xander: That's it. Twelve years of you and i'm snapping. I don't care if you're a girl or not, I'm throwing down. Come on!
Cordelia: I've seen you fight, and don't think I can't take you.
Xander: Give it your best shot.
Buffy: You knew that if the demon was in trouble it was gonna jump into the nearest dead person.
Angel: I put it in danger.
Willow: And it jumped.
Angel: I've had a demon inside me for a couple hundred years... just waiting for a good fight.
Buffy: Winner and still champion.
Buffy: Hey! Maybe you should consider a career as a Watcher.
Willow: Oh, no, I don't think I could handle the stress.
Xander: And the dental plan is crap.
Willow: I don't see how Giles does it.
Buffy: I don't think he has a choice.
Buffy: I have just the perfect music. Go on, say it. You know you want to.
Giles: It's not music, it's just meaningless sounds.
Buffy: There. Feel better?
Giles: Yes. Thanks. Bay City Rollers. Now that's music.
Buffy: I didn't hear that.