---

What's My Line Part 1

---

Xander: 'Are you a people person, or do you prefer keeping your own company?' Well, what if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default?

Xander: What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being youg and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark.
Willow: You're not gonna be young forever.
Xander: Yes, but I'll always be stupid. Okay, let's not all rush to disagree.
Buffy: You're not stupid.

Cordelia: 'I aspire to help my fellow man.' Check. As long as he's not smelly, dirty, or something gross.
Xander: Cordelia Chase, always ready to give a helping hand to the rich and the pretty.
Cordelia: Which, lucky me, excludes you. Twice.
Xander: Is murder always a crime?

Buffy: Do I like shrubs?
Xander: That's between you and your god.
Buffy: What'd you put?
Willow: I came down on the side of the shrubs.
Buffy: Go with shrubs! Okay!

Willow: You're not even a teensy weensy bit curious about what kinda career you could've had? I mean, if you weren't already the Slayer and all.
Buffy: Do the words 'sealed in fate' ring any bells for you, Will? Why go there?
Xander: Y'know, with that kind of attitude you could've had a bright future as an employee at the DMV.

Dalton: Well, I'm not sure. It could be, uh... deprimere... ille... bubula... linter.
Spike: Debase, the beef, canoe. Why does that strike me as not right?

Drusilla: Spike, come dance?

Drusilla: Now will you dance?
Spike: I'll dance with you, pet. On the Slayer's grave!

Angel: Buffy! You scard me.
Buffy: Now you know what it feels like, Stealth Guy.
Buffy: Just stopping by for some quality time with Mr. Gordo?
Angel: Excuse me?
Buffy: The pig.

Buffy: Uh, we're having this thing at school.
Angel: Career week?
Buffy: How did you know?
Angel: I lurk.
Buffy: Right. Well, then you know it's a whole week of 'what's my line', only... I don't get to play.

Buffy: You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me.

Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids.
Angel: Yeah. I'll never be a kid.
Buffy: Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle-robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend.

Cordelia: Oh, here I am. 'Personal shopper or motivational speaker.' Neato!
Xander: Motivational speaker? On what? Ten ways to a more annoying you?
Corelia: Oh, what about you? You're... *giggles*
Xander: What? What?!

Xander: Wouldn't you two say you know me about as well as anyone else? Maybe even better than I know myself?
Willow: What's this about?
Xander: When you look at me, do you think 'prision guard'?
Willow/Buffy: *giggles*
Buffy: Um, crossing guard, maybe, but prison guard?

Giles: AH! Buffy. Thank you. I've been, uh, indexing the Watcher diaries covering the last couple of centuries. You would be amazed at how numbingly pompous and long-winded some of these Watchers were.
Buffy: Color me stunned.

Buffy: Yeah! They had tools, flashlights, whole nine yards. What does that mean anyway? 'Whole nine yards'? Nine yards of what? Now it's gonna bug me all day.

Spike: Trouble?! She's the gnat in my ear! The gristle in my teeth! She's the bloody thorn in my bloody side!

Xander: Willow! What are you doing here? Fly! Be free, little bird, you defy category!

Xander: Principal Snyder! Great career fair, sir! Really! In fact, I'm so inspired by your leadership, I'm thinking principal school. I wanna walk in your shoes. Not your actual shoes, of course, because you're a tiny person. Not tiny in the small sense, of course. Okay, I'm done now.

Xander: For what it's worth...
Snyder: It's worth nothing, Harris. Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningles waste of breath. An airborne toxic event.
Xander: Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be so honest with me. And I can only hope that one day I'm in the position to be that honest with you.
Snyder: Fascinating.

Giles: You're behaving remarkably im-immaturely.
Buffy: You know why? I am immature. I'm a teen. I have yet to mature.

Buffy: Uh, Giles, it's one thing to be a Watcher and a librarian. They go together like chicken and... another chicken, or... two chickens, or... something, you know what I'm saying! The point is, no one blinks an eye if you want to spend all your days with books. What am I supposed to do? Carve stakes for a nursery?

Giles: It's a reliquary. Used to house items of religious significance. Most commonly a finger or some other body part from a saint.
Buffy: Note to self: religion: freaky.

Buffy: Excommunicated and sent to Sunnydale. There's a guy big with the sinning.

Willow: So Giles is sure that the vampire who stole his book is connected to the one you slayed last night? Or is it slew?
Giles: Both are correct, and, yes, I'm sure. Du Lac was both a, a... a theologian and a mathematician. This article describes an invention of his, which he called 'The Du Lac Cross'.
Xander: So, why go to all the trouble of inventing something, and then giving it a weak name like that? I mean, I'da gone with 'The Cross-o-matic', or, uh, 'The Amazing Mr. Cross.

Willow: Goody! Research party!
Xander: Will, you need to get a life in the worst way.

Xander: That's untrue, Buffy, you totally contribute. You go for snacks!

Xander: But Ho-Hos are a vital part of my cognitive process!

Buffy: The Hellmouth presents: Dead Guys on Ice. Not exactly the evening we were aiming for.
Angel: You're in danger. You know what the ring means?
Buffy: I just killed a Super Bowl champ?

Giles: This ring is worn only by member of the Order of Taraka. Its a socitey of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon.
Xander: And didn't they beat the Elks this year in the Sunnydale Adult Bowling League Championships?
Giles: Their credo is to sow discord, and kill the unwary.
Xander: Bowling is a vicious game.
Giles: That's enough, Xander!

Buffy: Try it!
Oz: Try what?
Buffy: Uh... I-I'm sorry.
Oz: Still not clear what I'm supposed to try.
Buffy: Nothing. God, I'm... sorry, I...
Oz: That's a tense person.

Xander: No, it's a statistical impossiblitiy for a sixteen-year-old girl to unplug her phone.

Willow: Don't warn the tadpoles!!!
Giles: Are you alright?
Willow: Giles, what are you doing here?
Giles: It's the library, Willow. You fell asleep.
Willow: Oh! I...
Giles: Don't warn the tadpoles?
Willow: I have frog fear.
Giles: Oh.

Cordelia: I can't even believe you. You dragged me out of bed for a ride? What am I, mass transportation?
Xander: That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker room talk. I wouldn't pay it any mind.
Cordelia: Oh, great, so now I'm your taxi and your punching bag.
Xander: I like to think of you more as my witless foil, but have it your way.

Cordelia: Oh, right, cause I lie awake at night hoping you tweakos will be my best friends. And that my first husband will be a balding, demented homeless man.

Buffy: Come on, don't make me do the chick fight thing.
Kendra: Chick fight?

Kendra: Who are you?
Buffy: Who am I? You attacked me! Who, the hell, are you?!
Kendra: I am Kendra! De Vampire Slayer!