Angel: "Ah. Can you make that bigger? Bold, but, you know, tasteful."
Fred: "Hmm. Tasteful. Sure."

Angel: "How's my little man?
Cordelia: "Oh, he wonders where his father's been."
Angel: "Papa's got mouths to feed."
Cordelia: "Ah. I have a mouth, too. Always have had one. Kind of known for it and we've fed it fine for years. Yeah."

Fred: "Is this the right phone number?"

Angel: "Finding Holtz and making money are our two number one priorities. Helping the helpless, finding Holtz, and making money are out three number one priorities."

Fred: "Welcome to Angel Investigations Mr. Blee -Lee- Shushngrung. Uhm, please have a seat and one of our associates will be right with you."

Angel: "Hey, Wes. Wes, talk to the Nahdrahs."

Gunn: "So - Brian, your dead boyfriend, is stalking you?"
Ally: "Well, I mean, he's not my boyfriend now."

Wesley: "The Internet article I'm currently writing posits a formula for the genome mapping of creatures who don't have genes. It's an exciting arena."
Lorne: "One I'm sure we can all download at 'I'll never know the love of a woman dot com.' Ah, can we get down to business? They want to buy your head. Little rusty with the language. I should probably clarify that. They want your mind. They're celebrating their prince's, uh- it's- it's like a birthday, only they're not born so much as disgorged. They- they need you to solve one of their traditional puzzles so they can give it to him. It's quite an honor."
Wesley: "Could be interesting."
Fred: "Sure. These are puzzle people. Did you notice the designs on their tunics? Geometric shapes. Each a prime number, if you count their edges, arranged in ascending order of exponential accumulation."
Wesley: "Yes, I did - not - notice that at all."
Lorne: "Ah, they wanna know why your girlfriend was pointing at them. I better tell them what she said before we have a international incident."

Fred: "Did I say something wrong?"
Lorne: "No. No, they liked you."
Fred: "So much they ran away?"
Lorne: "They either have to consult with their prince or go eat a cheese monkey. Did-did I mention rusty with the lingo?"

Harlan: "You're pretty well coifed, I guess. You're not afraid to get a little mussed, are you, Mr. Angel? Because 'mussed' you're gonna be just by stepping foot in there."

Angel: "What happened to him?"
Harlan: "He got mussed. You have much experience dealing with vampires?"
Angel: "Some."

Harlan: "Yeah. I know. Whoever heard of a vampire out to make a buck, right?"

Harlan: "But this isn't about money."
Angel: "No, no, of course it's not - about - that. Money. I'll get right on this."

Fred: "There's a young woman whose dead boyfriend is stalking her."
Angel: "That's terrible. Did you..."
Cordelia: "I ran her credit. She's solvent."

Lorne: "Bro, I'm on it. I've got rats looking all over this town. Well, not actual rats - except for two of them. Ooh, I don't feel so good."

Cordelia: "Lorne? It's all snap, crackle, pop to me."

Lorne: "They apologize for their paltry offering and hope you'll accept fifty thousand dollars!?!"
Angel: "Fifty..."
Cordelia: "...thousand..."
Fred: "...dollars?"
Angel: "We accept."

Ally: "So, explain something to me. How can Brian be stalking me if he's dead?"
Wesley: "There are any number of explanations. Witchcraft, black magic, voodoo, zombiefication, demon possession, even vampirism."
Ally: "But why? Why is he hanging around here? What does he want?"
Wesley: "Perhaps there is something he left unfinished, something he wants to tell you."
Gunn: "Or maybe he just wants to eat your intestines."
Wesley: "Gunn. We don't know that he's a zombie, and besides the flesh eating is a myth. Zombies merely mangle, mutilate and occasionally wear human flesh. So there is no reason to be frightened until we have a better idea... Gunn! Right then. Zombie it is."

Fred: "I'm guessing it fits together in some sort of algorithmic sequence? Any hints?"
Lorne: "Yeah, just one. He said if they knew how to do it themselves you wouldn't be here."
Fred: "So. Causation. Corollary. Causatu Corollary. Are we talking a closed curve of finite length in a simply sonnected domain of zero? That would be too easy, wouldn't it?"

Fred: "There is a ascending and descending causation instantly proved by - that! I think I'm on to something here."
Lorne: "Yeah, me too. Unfortunately it requires a vomitorium."

Cordelia: "Wow. It just occurred ot me what a weird life you're in for, little guy. Your aunt Cordy gets visions and you daddy is a... Well you won't see him aging a whole lot, or catching surf and sun in Malibu. But he is a good man, a champion, and he loves you very much. Plus, he's quite the natty dresser. And your daddy is out there right now fighting evil - for money."

Cordelia: "Well. Your uncle Wes and uncle Gunn not picking up either. And your daddy, he doesn't know how to work his voicemail or keep a promise. So we'll go down to the Marina, return the money and explain it was all just a big mistake."

Brian: "Ally, why won't you talk to me?"
Ally: "Because you're dead. Now, go away! You know, I'm paying good money here. Can you please get rid of him?"

Wesley: "What's he doing?"
Gunn: "Pouting."
Ally: "Okay. That's it. You know, this is so typical of you. You're all bluster and then you pout."

Brian: "I never... Okay, I read your diary once or twice. Does that give you a reason to poison me?"
Ally: "What? You're gonna believe everything a zombie says?"
Wesley: "Are you saying she killed you?"
Brian: "I'd forgive her if she'd take me back."
Gunn: "You're kidding, right?"
Brian: "No. Baby, I've seen the guys you've been going out with. You're not having any fun! Come on. Lets give it another shot. What do you say? Me and you?"
Ally: "Eew, I-I can't. It's creepy."
Brian: "Come on. I miss you."
Ally: "Oh. I don't know. Maybe I was a little - hasty."
Wesley: "Will that be cash or charge?"

Fred: "Oh, it was nothing. Oh. Are we going somewhere to celebrate? Say, has anyone seen my friend with the horns? He wasn't feeling so good and I'm a little worried about him. And me now."
Lorne: "Yeah, I know. We're in a bit of situation here."
Fred: "Oh god. I don't have to marry him, do I?"
Lorne: "In fact, no. And that's something we can be grateful for."

Cordelia: "We return your gracious gift and you return Fred. Sorry about the confusion, but we kind of need her head at work."
Fred: "Firmly attached to her body."
Cordelia: "That goes without saying."

Angel: "You take on a job in good faith - you expect to be compensated. You provide the best service you can offer. A quality service. But you know, there's overhead. There's rent, three phone lines, advertising, it adds up. Here."
Sam: "Thank you. I can't even begin to express my... I owe you. You're a real - champion."
Angel: "Yeah whatever. Hello? Hello?!"
Sam: "Hey - I think - I think that's your voice mail."

Cordelia: "Lorne - do these guys have groins?"
Fred: "Is that really important right now?"
Cordelia: "Work with me here, kids."
Lorne: "I think so. I never knew one intimately."

Gunn: "Well, I guess you cut off the snake's head..."
Wesley: "You piss the other snakes off."

Cordelia: "Sure. Snow. Trees. Chipmunk robots on ice..."
Angel: "Chipmunk robots... on ice..."

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- - last updated: 2-16-02 - -