Fredless
Wesley: "You wouldn't dare. - You were just going to toss a Prothgarian broadsword with a third-century ceremonial Sancteus dagger?"
Cordelia: "Hmm. Let's see. Long, metal, pointy. - Yup."
Fred: "I just - I have this theory that the more you are aware of time the more slowly it moves, which could make light speed travel possible, but only if you were to concentrate really..."
Cordelia: "He'll be back when he's back."
Fred: "So - now that she's alive again, are they gonna get back together? Angel and the girl with the goofy name?"
Wesley: "Well - Fred - that's a difficult question. I think it's fair to say - no. Not a chance, never, no way, not in a million years, and also 'nuh-uh'."
Wesley: "Oh, Buffy!"
Cordelia: "Yes, Angel?"
Wesley: "Oh, I love you so much I almost forgot to brood!"
Wesley: "Kiss me."
Cordelia: "Bite me!"
Angel: "How about you both bite me."
Cordelia: "But... ah, Angel - we're your friends... and, and it-it's not healthy to repress stuff like this. You-you need to share your - pain, express those feelings of grief and longing or... The curiosity is gonna kill me!"
Angel: "Oh, no. Wouldn't want that."
Fred: "Lucky stiffs. They get to lead lives of mysterious sewage while I'm just plain ol' boring ol' Fred."
Angel: "Boring? That's not a word I'd use for you.'
Fred: "Fine. Nutty-ol'-goonie-bird-up-in her-room-doin'-nothin'-but-moochin'-off-Angel Fred. I swear I don't know how you all put up with me."
Fred: "I'm just being a big nerd again, aren't I?... I'm gonna go now."
Cordelia: "Ah, gee, Gunn, much as I would love to endure another soul-splittingly agonizing psychic invasion for your benef-ow! Ow! Ow!"
Gunn: "Ooh! Pretty wicked looking toy!"
Wesley: "I'll say. It almost looks like a spring-loaded decapitation device."
Cordelia: "Or it makes toast. With her you never know."
Gunn: "Fred's your daughter?"
Trish: "Yes. You know her?"
Roger: "Is she here? Is she alright?"
Wesley: "She's fine and - out at the moment - with one of our associates."
Cordelia: "Who is not an evil fiend - or a vampire - because they don't exist. In case you aren't familiar with our LA gumshoe detective slang."
Angel: "Wait til you guys hear what happened at Haagen Dazs! Ordinarily these things don't put up much of a fight, but this one? Hoo! I think I'm gonna have it..."
* Angel walks into the office carrying the Durslar's severed head *
Angel: "...mounted. - Hello."
Cordelia: "Angel. You're -- alone. And - and you brought... a prop! From your movie! This is Angel. - Angel - makes - monster movies. - Angel these are Fred's very normal parents."
Angel: "Ah. - Fred has parents... Well it sure is - nice to meet you both."
Roger: "Ah. Son, you-your prop is dripping."
Cordelia: "Guys - when was the last time Fred ever left the hotel by herself?"
Gunn: "A couple of weeks after never."
Cordelia: "Pfft! Sneaking off, right. Fred can barely tie her shoes without Mr. 'oh, you're my big, fat hero!' around."
Angel: "You think I'm fat?"
Angel: "Where would Fred go?"
Gunn: "We could hit all the local taco stands... Joke! - Kind of."
Lorne: "Yeah, you are in a bad place, aren't you doll? - You thought you could outrun them - and maybe you were free. - But those old monsters hunted you down. - I know why you're running away, Fred. You know what your problem is?"
Fred: "I'm not strong enough to stay and face my fear."
Lorne: "No. You haven't run far enough."
Roger: "What exactly does Fred do for you people? It strikes me a little odd, a physicist working for a detective agency."
Lorne: "Well, isn't this a lovely surprise."
Cordelia: "He's surprised. I didn't think he owned terry cloth."
Trish: "What kind of a place is this?"
Lorne: "Oh, do you like it? I was kinda going for a Dresden after the bombing sort of feel."
Roger: "Ah, is this one of your big 'industry contacts'? Some guy in a bathrobe, wearing makeup and fake horns?"
Lorne: "They're not fake! And it's - only a little eyeliner."
Angel: "Look, Lorne. I'm sorry about the bar, but right now Fred is missing and we need your help."
Lorne: "Oh, really? Yeah, well, I'm not some mystical vending machine here to spit out answers every time you waltz in with a problem. I have a heart. Granted it's located in my left butt cheek, but it's still a heart. and that heart is broken! I mean, why is it no one ever cares about my destiny? Everyone who walks through the door is all about me, me me. Well, what about my me? My me's important."
Angel: "You know where she is, don't you?"
Lorne: "A-and another thing, how... how do they get the pimentos in the olives, huh? There's a mystery for you. You know, do they stuff each one by hand, cause that seems a little time consuming, or do you think they have a - little - pimento - stuffing - machine..."
Fred: "Easy as pie. 3.14 159265... Oh, hey, I was just calculating pi - to relax. I'm not dangerous."
Fred: "I got lost. I got lost, and they did terrible thing to me, but, but it was just a storybook. It was just a story with monsters, not real. Not in the world but - but if you're here and you see me then - then it's real! And it did happen. If you see what they made of me... I - I didn't mean to get so lost!"
Roger: "Whoa! - Tell me that's something from the movies!"
Cordelia: "No. That's something that's gonna kill us."
Roger: "What happened to his face?"
Wesley: "Angel's a vampire. He has a soul, but it's a long story. I'll tell you about it if we don't end up dying."
Roger: "That's my daughter you damn cockroach!"
Trish: "Did I get it? Did I get it, y'all?"
Trish: "I almost hate to ask, but - you do a lot of bandaging in your line of work?"
Cordelia: "Mmm. Occupational hazard. I mean, sure there is the occasional demon who tries to kill us with pillows, but sadly, those cases are few and far between."
Trish: "I wish he hadn't brought out that thing again. It gives me the willies."
Roger: "Oh, don't be silly Trish. It's just a severed head."
Gunn: "I got it. The lady makes bug soup with a ten ton bus, but show her a paper-mache head, she gets the willies. Ha. Women."
Angel: "Uh, Gunn, you do know it's not paper-mache?"
Gunn: "We still got that bleach in the bathroom?"
Cordelia: "Next up: multiple stab wounds. Angel!"
Angel: "Uh, it's my turn. Oh yay!"
Cordelia: "What a dork."
Fred: "I wanna go home... I'm - I'm just not cut out for this. I mean, if Angel hadn't gotten me out of the way, you'd all be laughing in the morgue right now. - Okay, maybe not laughing, but - the point is, I think I should go home where it's quiet and safe and - monsters don't eat your family. - You're not - disappointed in me, are you?"
Angel: "Are you gonna remember everything that's up there?"
Fred: "Well, sure. It's a story. Once upon a time - there was a girl who lived all alone in a horrible cave - so far from home it made her chest hurt. - And every day in that horrible cave, the girl tried to figure out a way to escape. - None of her plans ever succeeded, of course, - and she'd almost given up hopin - when one day, just like in a fairy tale - a handsome man rode up on a horse and saved her, - and took her back to his castle. - - Now you'd think that was the end, wouldn'tcha? Dumb old fairy tales and their happily ever afters... But see, the minute they got back to the castle, - the handsome man went away again. - And event though she didn't mean to, - didn't want to - high up in that castle the girl built herself another cave. Hoping he would save her again... But you can't save me this time. - Can you?"
Wesley: "We think it's some sort of mechanized weapon, possibly influenced by the medieval catapult, designed for serious to fatal wounding, if not complete decapitation."
Roger: "Or it makes toast."
Wesley: "Or it makes toast."
Trish: "What about that shirt with the bug guts on it? You-you threw that out, right? You're not taking it home, right?"
Fred: "I don't know. I kinda thought I'd take it with me - guts and all. You know, as a souvenir."
Roger: "Ah. That's my girl!"
Cordelia: "Between you and me, I'm almost a little jealous."
Roger: "You're room is exactly how you left it. - All except for the guy renting it out, but his lease is up in a month."
Fred: "You rented out my room?"
Roger: "Well, honey, after the fourth year... We didn't hear nothing from you!"
Fred: "Daddy, I was kidnapped into an alternate dimension."
Trish: "Well, she was."
Cordelia: "In a really weird way, you know who I miss?"
Wesley: "Fred."
Cordelia: "Actually I was gonna say her parents. - Is that so wrong."
Angel: "I'm gonna miss her. She was just this nice, quiet, kind of crazy. - I found that - soothing."
Cordelia: "And what? I'm not soothing? I can be soothing. I could soothe your ass off, pal."
Cordelia: "I'm not gonna sit around here and mope like you - bunch - of - mopers. I'm gonna go home... Eat some comfort food... Have a good cry. Crawl under my big, fluffy... giant bug!"
Gunn: "So. Not a toaster."
Fred: "That was just a random thought I had. What if you had to do battle with your arms cut off? Sure, you'd hemorrhage to death pretty quick, but at least you could take your enemy with you!"