Buffy: "Mom, what are you doing here?"
Joyce: "I brought you a snack. I thought it was about time for me to come out and watch. Y-you know, the slaying."
Buffy: "You know, the slaying is kind of an alone thing."
Joyce: "But it's such a big part of your life, and I'd like to understand it. It's, um, you know something we could share."
Buffy: "A-actually, it's pretty dull, you know, it's bam boom stick... poof."
Joyce: "Good, honey! Kill him! Buffy, he-he's over here!"
Xander: "So, a burrito."
Oz: "This is a burrito."
Xander: "Damn straight."
Joyce: "Are you embarrassed to be hanging out with your mother? I didn't hug you."
Buffy: "No. It's just... This hall is about school, and you're about home. Mix then, my world dissolves."
Willow: "Mom, what are you doing here?"
Shelia: "Oh, well, I read about it in the paper, and what with your dad out of town... Willow, you cut off your hair! Huh. That's a new look."
Willow: "Yeah, it's just a sudden whim I had... in August."
Giles: "Oh, uh, Mrs., uh... uh, Joyce. Quite a turnout you have here."
Joyce: "oh, well, it's, it's not just me, but thank you. Well, it's, uh, it's been a while."
Giles: "Right. Not since, um... Not since... Not for a while."
Sheila: "There's a rumor going around, Mr. Giles."
Giles: "R-rumor, about us?... A-a-about what?"
Joyce: "Mr. Mayor, you're dead wrong. This is not a good town. How many of us have, have lost someone who, who just disappeared? Or, or got skinned? Or suffered neck rupture? And how many of us have been too afraid to speak out? I-I was supposed to lead us in a moment of silence, but... silence is this town's disease. For too long we-we've been plagued by unnatural evils. This isn't our town anymore. It belongs to the monsters and, and the witches and the Slayers."
Cordelia: "You'll be one busy little Slayer, baby-sitting them."
Buffy: "I doubt they'll have any more trouble."
Cordelia: "I doubt you doubt. Everyone knows that witches killed those kids, and Amy is a witch. And Michael is whatever the boy of witch is, plus being the poster child for yuck."
Cordelia: "If you're gonna hang with them, expect badness. Cause that's what you get when you hang with freaks and losers. Believe me, I know. That was a pointed comment about me hanging with you guys."
Buffy: "Hey. Is Willow around?"
Xander: "How can I convince you people that it's over? You assume because I'm here, she's here, that I somehow mysteriously know where she is."
Buffy: "Those her books?"
Xander: "Yeah. She's in the bathroom... But the fact that I know that doesn't change that I have a genuine complaint here. Look. I'm getting sick of the judgement, the innuendoes. Is a man not innocent until proven guilty?"
Buffy: "You are guilty. You got illicit smoochies, gonna have to pay the price."
Xander: "But I'm talking about the future guilt. Look, everyone expects me to mess up again. Like Oz. I see how he is around me. You know, that steely gaze... that pointed silence."
Buffy: "Cause he's usually such a chatterbox."
Xander: "No, but it's different now. It's more a verbal nonverbal. He speaks volumes with his eyes."
Buffy: "What is this?"
Willow: "A doodle. I do doodle. You, too. You do doodle, too."
Xander: "Aw, man, it's Nazi Germany, and I've got Playboys in my locker!"
Snyder: "This is a glorious day for principals everywhere. No pathetic whining about students rights. Just a long row of lockers and a man with a key."
Giles: "They're confiscating my books."
Buffy: "Giles, we need those books."
Giles: "Believe me, I tried to tell that to the nice man with the big gun."
Giles: "Ordinarily, I would say let's widen our research."
Buffy: "Using what? A-a dictionary and My Friend Flicka?"
Snyder: "Fight it if you want. Just remember, lift a finger against me, and you'll have to answer to MOO."
Buffy: "Answer to MOO? Did that sentence just make some sense that I'm not in on?"
Snyder: "'Mothers Opposed to the Occult'. A powerful new group."
Buffy: "And who came up with that lame name?"
Snyder: "That would be the founder. I believe you call her 'Mom'."
Willow: "Mom, how would you know what I can do? I mean, the last time we had a conversation over three minutes, it was about the patriarchal bias of the Mr. Rogers Show."
Sheila: "Well, with King Friday lording it over all the lesser puppets..."
Willow: "Mom, you're not paying attention."
Willow: "No, Ma, hear this! I'm a rebel! I'm having a rebellion!"
Sheila: "Willow, honey, you don't need ot act out like this to prove your specialness."
Willow: "Mom, I'm not acting out. I'm a witch! I-I can make pencils float. And I can summon the four elements. Okay, two, but four soon. A-and I'm dating a musician."
Shelia: "Oh, Willow!"
Willow: "I worship Beelzebub. I do his biddings. Do you see any goats around? No, because I sacrificed them."
Sheila: "Wilow, please!"
Willow: "All bow before Satan!"
Sheila: "I'm not listening to this."
Willow: "Prince of Night, I summon you. Come fill me with your black, naughty evil."
Joyce: "I mean, you patrol, you slay... Evil pops up, you undo it. A-a-and that's great! But is Sunnydale getting any better? Are they running out of vampires?"
Buffy: "Okay, maybe I don't have a plan. Lord knows I don't have lapel buttons..."
Buffy: "...and maybe next time that the world is getting sucked into Hell, I won't be able to stop it because the Anti-Hell-Sucking Book isn't on the approved reading list!"
Buffy: "And nice acronym, Mom."
Buffy: "My Mom... said some things to me about being the Slayer. That it's fruitless. No fruit for Buffy."
Angel: She's wrong."
Buffy: "Is she? Is Sunnydale any better than when I first came here? Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The bad keeps coming back and getting stronger. Like the kid in the story, the boy that stuck his finger in the duck."
Angel: "Dike... It's another word for dam."
Buffy: "Oh. Okay, that story makes a lot more sense now."
Angel: "Buffy, you know, I'm still figuring things out. There's a lot I don't understand. But I do know it's important to keep fighting. I learned that from you."
Buffy: "But we never..."
Angel: "We never win."
Buffy: "Not completely."
Angel: "We never will. That's not why we fight. We do it cause there's things worth fighting for."
Xander: "'Frisky Watcher's chat room'. Why, Giles."
Giles: "Uh... Uh, there is a fringe theory held by a few folklorists that some regional stories have actual, um, very literal antecedents."
Buffy: "And in some language that's English?"
Oz: "Fairy tales are real?"
Buffy: "Hans and Gre... Hansel and Gretel?"
Xander: "Wait. Hansel and Gretel? Breadcrumbs, ovens, gingerbread house?"
Giles: "Of course! Well, it makes sense now."
Buffy: "Yeah, it's all falling into place. Of course that place is nowhere near this place."
Giles: "Some demons thrive on fostering hatred and, and, uh, persecution amongst the mortal animals. Not by, not by destroying men, but by watching men destroy each other. Now, they feed us our darkest fear and turn peaceful communities into vigilantes."
Buffy: "Hansel and Gretel run home to tell everyone about the mean old witch."
Giles: "And then she and probably dozens of others are persecuted by a righteous mob. It's happened all throughout history. It happened in Salem, not surprisingly."
Xander: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm still spinning on this whole fairy tales are real thing."
Oz: "So what do we do?"
Xander: "I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go trade my cow in for some beans... No one else is seeing the funny here."
Cordelia: "Wake up!"
Cordelia: "Took you long enough to wake up. My hand hurts."
Giles: "Pity. Oh... Why are you here?"
Cordelia: "Things are way out of control, Giles. First the thing at school, and then my mom confiscates all of my black clothes and scented candles. I came over here to tell Buffy to stop this craziness and found you all uncouncious... again. How many times have you been knocked out, anyway? I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma."
Giles: "Wake up in a... Oh, never mind. We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel."
Cordelia: "Now, let's be clear. The brain damage happened before I hit you."
Willow: "You've seen what we can do! Another step and you will all feel my power!"
Buffy: "What are you gonna do, float a pencil at em?"
Willow: "It's a really big power! Yes! You will all be turned into vermin. And some of you will be fish! Yes, you in the back will be fish!"
Hansel: "But you promised."
Gretel: "You have to kill the bad girls."
Buffy: "Mom, dead people are talking to you. Do the math!"
Willow: "Buffy, I'm on fire!"
Buffy: "Cordelia, put out the fire!"
Cordelia: "Oh, right."
Cordelia: "Okay, I think I liked the two little ones more than the one big one."
Buffy: "Did I get it? Did I get it?"
Oz: "We're here to save you."
Buffy: "Maybe we should get her one of those wheel thingies."