Buffy: "Right, birthday. Um, actually, I, I do have a thing."
Angel: "Oh, a thing. A date?"
Buffy: "Nice attempt at casual. Actually, I do have a date. Older man. Very handsome. He likes it when I call him 'Daddy'."
Angel: "Huh, your father. It is your father, right?"

Buffy: "Okay, so how do you know if one's aura's dirty? Somebody come by with a finger and write 'wash me' on it?"

Giles: "Well, Faith is not interested in proper training, so I must rely on you to keep up with yours."
Buffy: "I hate being the good one."

Buffy: "Wow, that was really funny-lookin! Could you do it again?"
Vampire: "I'll kill you for that."
Buffy: "For what? What were you trying to kill me for before?"

Vampire: "Lemme know if I'm not doing this right."

Buffy: "I'm way off my game. My game's left the country. It's in Cuernavaca. Giles, what's going on here?"

Xander: "An ice show? A show performed on ice. And how old are we again?"
Willow: "I went to Snoopy On Ice when I was little. My dad took me backstage and I got so scared I threw up on Woodstock."
Buffy: "Look, I know you guys think it's just a big, dumb, girlie thing, but it's not. I mean, a lot of those skaters are Olympic medal winners. And every year my dad buys me cotton candy and one of those souvenir programs that have all the pictures, and okay, it's a big, dumb, girlie thing, but I love it."
Oz: "It's not girlie. Ice is cool! It's water, but it's not."

Xander: "We're still talking party, right? I mean, some of us still love to relish celebrating in the birth of the Buff."
Buffy: "I dunno. I think it might be time to put a moratorium on parties in my honor. They tend to go badly. Monsters crash. People die."
Willow: "But eighteen is a big one, Buffy. I mean, you can vote now. You can be drafted. You can vote not to be drafted."
Buffy: "I think I'll choose to celebrate tthis one with quiet reflection."
Xander: "Where is it written that quite reflection can't be combined with cake and funny hats."

Buffy: "You know, it's not just cartoon characters. They do pieces from operas and ballets. Brian Boitano, doing Carmen, is a life changer. Oh, he doesn't actually play Carmen, but a lot of sophisticated people go."
Giles: "Yes, I think we should start with the grounding crystal again."
Buffy: "You know, it's usually something that families do together."
Giles: "Now, look very carefully for the tiny flaw at its core."
Buffy: "I-if someone were free, they'd take their daughters or their student... or their Slayer."

Buffy: "So, how's it going with Amy the rat?"
Willow: "Good! She loves her new exercise wheel. She runs around, her nose wiggles..."
Buffy: "I-I meant, how's it going changing her back into a human being?"
Willow: "Oh. Still working on it. But I just got her the cutest little bell..."

Cordelia: "First of all, 'posse'? 'Passe'!"

Buffy: "Okay, I just got swatted down by some no-neck and rescued by Cordelia. What the hell is happening?"
Giles: "I'm sure it'll sort itself out."
Buffy: "You're not getting the big picture here. I-I have no strength. I have no coordination. I throw knives like..."
Giles: "A girl?"
Buffy: "Like I'm not the Slayer."

Quentin: "A Slayer is not just physical prowess. She must have cunning, imagination, a confidence derived from self-reliance. And believe me, once this is all over, your Buffy will be stronger for it."
Giles: "Or she'll be dead for it."

Willow: "Aha! A curse on Slayers... Oh, no. Wait. I-it's lawyers."
Xander: "You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like, um, Slayer kryptonite."
Oz: "Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills."
Xander: "You're assuming I meant the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red krytonite, which drains Superman of his powers."
Oz: "Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird..."
Buffy: "Guys? Reality?"

Angel: "You really like it?"
Buffy: "Of course I do. It's sweet and thoughtful and... full of neat words to learn and say like 'wilt' and 'henceforth'."
Angel: "Then why'd you seem more excited last year when you got a severed arm in a box?"

Buffy: "Angel, what if I have lost my power?"
Angel: "You lived a long time without it. You can do it again."
Buffy: "I guess. But what if I can't? I've seen too much. I know what goes bump in the night. Not being able to fight it... What if I just hide under my bed, all scared and helpless? Or what if I just become pathetic? Hanging out at the Old Slayer's home, talking people's ears off about my glory days, showing them Mr. Pointy, the stake I had bronzed."
Angel: "Buffy, you could never be helpless or boring, not even if you tried."
Buffy: "Don't be so sure. Before I was the Slayer, I was... Well, I, I don't wanna say shallow, but... Let's say a certain person, who will remain nameless, we'll just call her Spordelia, looked like a classical philosopher next to me. Angel, if I'm not the Slayer, what do I do? What do I have to offer? Why would you like me?"
Angel: "I saw you before you became the Slayer."
Buffy: "What?"
Angel: "I watched you, and I saw you called. It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps... and... and I loved you."
Buffy: "Why?"
Angel: "Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe... to warm it with my own."
Buffy: "That's beautiful. Or taken literally, incredibly gross."
Angel: "I was just thinking that, too."

Buffy: "Hummers. Big turnoff. I like guys that can remember the lyrics."
Kralik: "You know, I wish I could, but my mind just isn't what it used to be."

Buffy: "When I hit him, it felt like my arm was broken, it hurt so much. I can't be just a person. I can't be helpless like that."

Buffy: "Who are you? How could you do this to me?"
Giles: "I am deeply sorry, Buffy, and you have to understand..."
Buffy: "If you touch me, I'll kill you."

Cordelia: "What's going on? Oh, God. Is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother.'
Giles: "You can't walk home alone, Buffy. It isn't safe."
Buffy: "I don't know you."
Cordelia: "Did something take her memory? He's Giles. Giiillles. He hangs out here a lot."
Buffy: "Cordelia, could you please drive me home?"
Cordelia: "Of course. But if the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note."

Kralik: "I have a problems with mothers. I'm aware of that."

Kralik: "Hide and seeeeek.... Hide and seek! Why did you come to the dark of the woods? To bring all these sweets to grandmother's house?"

Kralik: "If you stray from the path, you will lose your way."

Buffy: "If I was at full Slayer power, I'd be punning right about now."

Quentin: "Congratulations, you passed. You exhibited extraoridnary courage and clearheadedness in battle. The Council is very pleased."
Buffy: "Do I get a gold star?"

Quentin: "She passed. You didn't. The Slayer is not the only one who must perform in this situation. I've recomended to the Council, and they've agreed, that you be relieved of your duties as Watcher immediately. You're fired."
Giles: "On what grounds?"
Quentin: "Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgement. You have a father's love for the child, and that is useless to the cause. It would be best if you had no further contact with the Slayer."
Giles: "I'm not going anywhere."

Quentin: "Congratulations again."
Buffy: "Bite me."
Quentin: "Yes, well, colorful girl."

Buffy: "Giles isn't going anywhere, Will. He's still librarian."
Willow: "Okay, but I'm writing an angry letter."
Buffy: "You know, nothing's really going to change. The important thing is that I kept up my special birthday tradition of gut-wrenching misery and horror."
Oz: "Bright side to everything."
* Buffy picks up a new jar of peanut butter and tries to open it *
Buffy: "Just feel better when I get my strength back."
Xander: "Give you a hand with that, little lady?"
Buffy: "You're loving this far too much."
Xander: "Admit it. Sometimes you just need a big strong man."
* Struggles with jar, then laughs *
Xander: "Uh, Will, gimme a hand with that?"

Episode Guide: Helpless

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- - last updated: 6-7-02 - -