The Prom
BuffY: "What? Do I have funny bed hair or something?"
Angel: "Or something?"
Xander: "Well, hey, it's demon Anya, punisher of evil males. Still haven't got your powers back? You haven't right?
Anya: "No. I will, though. It's just a matter of time."
Anya: "You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millenium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous of them."
Xander: "They why are you talking to me?"
Anya: "I don't have a date for the prom."
Xander: "Well, gosh. I wonder why not. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch?"
Anya: "Men are evil. Will you go with me?"
Xander: "One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which."
Anya: "Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts."
Xander: "Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open."
Oz: "Anya, huh? Interesting choice."
Xander: "Choice is a broad term for my situation. See, it's either Anya or the sock puppet of love for this boy. I love you Xander. I'll never leave you."
Willow: "Well, if Anya tries to get you killed, put me down for a big 'I told you so'."
Xander: "Who's this Anya? Is she prettier than me?"
Buffy: "Angel's gonna lose it. But not his soul. He's gonna lose it. His it."
Joyce: "You don't drink? Beverages, I mean?"
Angel: "No, I do. It's just the caffeine. It makes me jittery."
Joyce: "Because when it comes to you, Angel, she's just like any other young woman in love. You're all she can see of tomorrow. But I think we both know that there are some hard choices ahead. If she can't make them, you're gonna have to. I know you care about her. I just hope you care enough."
Buffy: "So it was blue and sorta short."
Willow: "Not too short, medium. And it had this weird, sorta fringey stuff on its arms."
Giles: "What's that, a demon?"
Buffy: "A prom dress that Will was thinking of getting. Can't you ever get your mind out of the hellmouth?"
Wesley: "So, it's safe to say we shouldn't waste any time of such trifling matters as a school dance."
Cordelia: "Well, that's too bad, because I bet you would look way 007 in a tux."
Wesley: "Except, of course, on the actual night, I will be aiding Mr. Giles in his chaperoning duties."
Giles: "What? Excuse me? Fine, fine, fine."
Giles: "And I myself will be wearing pink taffeta as chenille would not go with my complexion. Can we please talk about the Ascension?"
Buffy: "Giles we get it. Miles to go before we sleep. But especially if we're all gonna vaporize or something on Graduation Day, we desere a little prommy fun. One night of glory, not too much to ask."
Buffy: "I always say patrol's not complete without a trip to the stinky sewers."
Angel: "I'm sure I saw him come down here."
Buffy: "Couldn't we just let this be the vamp that got away? We could say he was this big."
Buffy: "Then what? What's with the dire?"
Angel: "It's uh, it's nothing."
Buffy: "No, you have something face."
Angel: "You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you."
Buffy: "I don't care about that."
Angel: "You will. And children."
Buffy: "Children? Can you say jumping the gun? I kill my goldfish."
Angel: "Today. But you have no idea how fast it goes, Buffy. Before you know it, you'll want it all, a normal life."
Buffy: "I'll never have a normal life."
Angel: "I'm sorry. Buffy, you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this."
Buffy: "Then don't. Who are you to tell me what's right for me?"
Angel: "Don't."
Buffy: "Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you."
Angel: "I don't."
Buffy: "You don't want to be with me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me."
Buffy: "It's not his fault. He's 243 years old. He doesn't exactly get the prom."
Willow: "But he should, if..."
Buffy: "Will, it's okay. You don't have to make him the bad guy."
Willow: "But that's the best friend's job, vilifying and grousing."
Buffy: "Usually, yeah. But he's right. I mean, I think, maybe in the long run, that he's right."
Willow: "Yeah, I think he is. I mean, I tried to hope for the best, but... I'm sorry. It must be horrible."
Buffy: "I think horrible is still coming. Right now, it's worse. Right now, I'm just trying to keep from dying."
Willow: "Oh Buffy."
Buffy: "I can't breathe, Will. I feel like I can't breathe."
Cordelia: "I have nothing, okay? No dresses. No cell phone. No car. Everything's been taken away because Daddy made a little mistake on his taxes. For the last twelve years. Satisfied? Are you a happy Xander now? I'm broke. I can't go to any of the colleges that accepted me. And I can't stay home because we no longer have one."
Xander: "Uh, wow."
Cordelia: "Yeah, neato. Now you can run along and tell all of your friends how Cordy finally got hers. How she has to work part time just to get a lousy prom dress on layaway. And how she has to wear a name tag. Oh, I'm a name tag person. Don't leave that out. The story just wouldn't have the same punch."
Xander: "Right there. See, it's, it's like he just realized he forgot to put money in the meter or something."
Cordelia: "You know the part that totally weirded me out? That thing had good taste. I mean, he chucks Xander and went right for the formal wear."
Xander: "That's right. He left behind his copy of Monsters Wear Daily."
Cordelia: "I'm serious. Look at the outfit that Xander's wearing. Now look at the kid that the monster went after. Very smooth lines, til he was shredded."
Willow: "She's right. I mean, you've seen one big hairy bringer of death, you've seen em all."
Cordelia: "Look! Right there, zoom in on that."
Xander: "It's a videotape."
Cordelia: "So? They do it on television all the time."
Xander: "Not with a regular VCR they don't."
Oz: "What's that? Pause it."
Xander: "Guys! It's just a normal VCR. It doesn't... Oh wait, uh, it can do pause."
Xander: "How's it going over there, Buff?"
Buffy: "Fine."
Xander: "Well, I just wanted to say that your impression of an inanimate object is really coming along."
Buffy: "Thanks."
Giles: "Tucker is planning to attack the prom tonight."
Oz: "Once again, the Hellmouth puts the special in special occasion."
Xander: "Why do I even buy tickets for these things, I ask you?"
Willow: "Wonder if I can take my dress back?"
Buffy: "Don't you dare."
Willow: "But Tucker is going to..."
Buffy: "No! You guys are going to have a prom. The kind of prom that everyone should have. I'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every single person on the face of the earth to do it."
Xander: "Yay?"
Angel: "How are you?"
Buffy: "Right as rain, whatever that means."
Girl: "Hey! Don't forget your dress. Aren't you wearing it tonight?"
Cordelia: "As much as I hate to admit it, I haven't finished paying for it yet."
Girl: "Well somebody did."
Giles: "Angel's not taking you, is he?"
Buffy: "Angel's leaving me. He's leaving town."
Giles: "Oh, Buffy, I'm sorry. I don't really know what to say. Um, I understand that this sort of thing requires ice cream of some kind?"
Buffy: "Ice cream will come. First, I want to take out psycho boy."
Wesley: "Well, I must say this is all rather odd to me."
Giles: "Oh yes. At an all-male preparatory they didn't go in for this sort of thing."
Wesley: "No, of course not. Unless you count the nights you made the lower classmen get up as girls and watched them... Dip is tasty, isn't it?"
Willow: "We got in. Maybe we should dance before we get besieged, bedeviled, or beheaded or something."
Tucker: "My three fiercest babies are on their way to the dance right now. You think formal wear makes them crazy, wait till they see the mirror ball."
Buffy: "Devil dogs are history. How's the prom?"
Oz: "Strangely affecting. I got all teared up when they played 'We Are Family'."
Jonathan: "We're not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you, but that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you. We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here."
Crowd: "Zombies! Hyena people! Snyder!"
Jonathan: "But, whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you or helped by you at one time or another. We're proud to say that the Class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history. And we know at least in part of that is because of you. So the senior class, offers its thanks, and give you, uh, this. It's from all of us, and it has written here, Buffy Summers, Class Protector."
Wesley: "Mr. Giles. I'd like your opinion. While the last thing I want to do is muddle bad behavior in front of impressionable youth, I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance would..."
Giles: "For God's sake, man, she's eighteen. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about."
Wesley: "Right, then. Thanks for that."
Giles: "You did good work tonight, Buffy."
Buffy: "And I got a little toy surprise."
Giles: "I had no idea that children en masse could be gracious."
Buffy: "Every now and then, people surprise you."
Angel: "Dance with me?"