Dead Man's Party
Joyce: "We got a very exciting shipment in at the Gallery. I, um, thought I'd hang a few pieces in here. It cheers up the room."
Buffy: "It's angry at the room, Mom. It wants the room to suffer."
Joyce: "You have no appreciation of primitive art. You going out?"
Buffy: "Oh. Um... Well, i-if it's okay. I, um... I'd like to find Willow and Xander."
Joyce: "Will you be slaying?"
Buffy: "Only if they give me lip."
Buffy: "Didn't anyone ever warn you about playing with pointy sticks? It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye."
Xander: "You shouldn't sneak up on people like that! Jeez, Buff."
Cordelia: "Come in, Nighthawk! Everything okay?"
Buffy: "Nighthawk?"
Buffy: "What if he's mad?"
Xander: "Mad? Just because you ran away and abandoned your post and your friends and your mom and made him lay awake every night worrying about you? Maybe we should wait out here."
Xander: "Check it out. The Watcher is back on the clock. And just when you were thinking career change, maybe becoming a... a looker, or a... a seer."
Buffy: "I got in a few hours ago, but I wanted to go see my mom first."
Giles: "Yes. Yes, of course. How, how did you find her?"
Buffy: "Well, I pretty much remembered the address."
Oz: "Hey, so you're not wanted for murder anymore."
Buffy: "Good. That was such a drag."
Xander: "So where were you? Did you go to Belgium?"
Buffy: "Why would I go to Belgium?"
Xander: "I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you? Bel-gium!"
Xander: "Cordelia's parents dragged her onto a luxury vacation."
Buffy: "I feel for you."
Buffy: "Well, thank you for the offer, but I think I just wanna get back to my normal routine. You know, school, slaying... kids stuff. In fact, I'm jonesing for a little brainless fun."
Joyce: "But you can't keep her out of school. You don't have the right."
Snyder: "I have not only the right, but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself as tingly."
Joyce: "This isn't over. If I have to, I'll go all the way to the Mayor."
Snyder: "Wouldn't that be interesting."
Buffy: "What about home schooling? You know, it's not just for scary religious people anymore."
Buffy: "Next time, I get to pick the mother-daughter bonding activity."
* they put bag with the dead cat into the ground *
Joyce: "Do you wanna say something?"
Buffy: "Like what? Thanks for stopping by and dying?"
Joyce: "How about, um... Goodbye, stray cat, who lost its way. We hope you find it."
Buffy: "Mom, I'm a Slayer. It's not like I need to ride a little bus to school."
Joyce: "Couldn't you just tell a few people, like Principal Snyder and maybe the police?... I mean, I would think they would be happy to have a... a superhero... Is that the right term? I mean, it's not offensive, is it?"
Buffy: "Welcome to the Hellmouth Petting Zoo."
Giles: "Oh, my God, what a stench!"
Buffy: "You know, I wanted Forest Pine or April Fresh, but Mom wanted Dead Cat."
Oz: "It looks dead. It smells dead. Yet it's moving around. That's interesting."
Cordelia: "Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular?"
Willow: "What about Buffy's welcome home dinner tonight? I had told her mom we'd help out. Bring stuff."
Cordelia: "I'm the dip."
Xander: "Uh, you gotta admire the purity of it."
Oz: "We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean, is it a-a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny?"
Cordelia: "What's the difference?"
Oz: "Well, a gathereing is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny."
Xander: "You know what I mean. She doesn't want to talk about it, we don't want to talk about it, so why don't we just shut up and dance?"
Buffy: "Do you want to see my mom?"
Pat: "Please."
Buffy: "MOM!"
Party dude: "Hey, what's the deal with this party anyway?"
Stoner: "This party? Heard it was for some chick that just got out of rehab."
Stoner: "Pary Villa, can I rock you?"
Giles: "Unbelievable. 'Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead!' Americans."
Buffy: "Stop it! Please! I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing.'
Joyce: "You know what? I don't care. I don't care what your friends think of me, or you for that matter, because you put me through the wringer, Buffy. I mean it. And I've had schnapps. Do you have any idea what it's been like?"
Buffy: "Mom, this isn't the time..."
Joyce: "You can't imagine months of not knowing. Not knowing whether you're lying dead in a ditch somewhere or, I don't know, living it up..."
Buffy: "But you told me! You're the one who said I should go. You said if I leave this house, don't come back. You found out who I really was, and you couldn't deal. Don't you remember?"
Joyce: "Buffy, you didn't give me time. You just dumped this thing on me and you expected me to get it. Well, guess what? Mom's not perfect, okay? I handled it badly. But that doesn't give you the right to punish me by running away."
Buffy: "Punish you? I didn't do this to punish you!"
Xander: "Well, you did. You should've seen what you put her through."
Buffy: "Great. Thanks. Anybody else want to weigh in here? How about you by the dip?"
Jonathan: "No, thanks. I'm good."
Xander: "You know, maybe you don't want to hear it, Buffy, but taking off like you did ws incredibly selfish and stupid."
Buffy: "Okay! Okay. I screwed up. I know this. But you have no idea! You have, you have no idea what happened to me or what I was feeling!"
Xander: "Did you even try talking to anybody?"
Buffy: "There was nothing that anybody could do. Okay? I just had to deal with this on my own."
Xander: "Yeah, and you see how well that worked out. You can't just bury stuff, Buffy. It'll come right back up to get you."
Cordelia: "Time out, Xander. Put yourself in Buffy's shoes for just a minute. Okay? I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right? Naturally I pick a freak for a boyfriend, and then he turns into Mr. Killing Spree, which is pretty much my fault..."
Buffy: "Cordy! Get outta my shoes!"
Xander: "Fine! You stop acting like an idiot, I'll stop annoying you!"
Buffy: "Oh, you wanna talk acting like an idiot? Nighthawk?"
Oz: "Okay. I'm gonna step in now, being Referee Guy."
Willow: "No, let them go, Oz. Talking about it isn't helping. We might aw well try some violence."
* a zombie smashes through the living room window *
Willow: "I was being sarcastic!"
Xander: "Man, this sucker wobbles, but he won't fall down!"
Joyce: "What do we do if they get in?"
Xander: "I kind of think we die."
Giles: "Cordelia, it's me! It's me!"
Cordelia: "How do we know it's really you and not zombie Giles?"
Giles: "Cordelia, do stop being tiresome."
Cordelia: "It's him."
Oz: "I think the Dead Man's Party's moved upstairs."
Xander: "Generally speaking, when scary things get scared: not good."
Joyce: "So, is this a typical day at the office?"
Buffy: "No. This was nothing."
Buffy: "You're really enjoying this whole moral superiority thing, aren't you?"
Willow: "It's like a drug!"
Buffy: "Fine! Okay. I'm the bad. I can take my lumps... for a while."
Willow: "All right. I'll stop giving you a hard time. Runaway."
Buffy: "Will!"
Willow: "I'm sorry! Quitter."
Buffy: "Whiner."
Willow: "Bailer."
Buffy: "Harpy."
Willow: "Delinquent."
Buffy: "Tramp."
Willow: "Bad seed."
Buffy: "Witch."
Willow: "Freak."