Band Candy
Buffy: "And then I was being chased by an improperly filled-in answer bubble screaming, 'none of the above!'"
Willow: "Wow. I hope that wasn't one of your prophecy dreams. Probably not."
Oz: "Hey, you know, I took it last year. I could help you get ready. There's this whole trick to antonyms, but... this isnt' the place."
Willow: "Oz is the highest-scoring person ever to fail to graduate."
Buffy: "Isn't she cute when she's proud?"
Oz: "She's always cute."
Willow: "We could work on it tonight."
Xander: "Work on what tonight?"
Cordelia: "Oh, God. Are we killing something again?"
Buffy: "Only my carefree spirit."
Xander: "I hate they make us take that thing. It's totally fascist, and personally, I think it, uh, discriminates against the uninformed."
Cordelia: "Actually, I'm looking forward to it. I do well on standardized tests... What? I can't have layers?"
Snyder: "It's band candy."
Buffy: "Let's hear it for the band, huh? Very generous."
Snyder: "You will sell it to raise money for the marching band. They need new uniforms."
Xander: "Yeah. Those tall, fuzzy hats ain't cheap, huh?"
Oz: "But they go with everything."
Buffy: "I'm sure we love the idea of going all Willy Loman, but we're not in the band."
Joyce: "But you're not in the band."
Buffy: "And yet."
Buffy: "Slay-study double feature. Could be late."
Joyce: "Again? Honey, don't you think Mr. Giles is monopolizing an awful lot of your time?"
Buffy: "And does he ever say he's sorry?"
Buffy: "Okay, you're just doing this to take funny pictures of me."
Angel: I't's late. How'd you get away?"
Buffy: "Aw, it was easy. Started a fire in the prison laundry room. Rode out in the garbage truck."
Angel: "Oh."
Buffy: "I'm joking. No garbage. Smell me."
Ethan: "Trust me. You don't want to eat that."
Buffy: "It's Giles' turn to watch study hall. He'll be here. He's allergic to late."
Cordelia: "He is wound a little tight. I had this philosophy book checked out from the library for, like, a year, and he made me pay the fine, even though it was huge. I was sad to return it. It was perfect for starting conversations with college boys. Of course, that was B.X."
Buffy: "B.X.? Before Xander. Clever."
Xander: "These things are selling like hot cakes... which is ironic, cause the hot cakes really aren't moving..."
Snyder: "Everybody expects me to do everything around here because I'm the principal. It's not fair."
Ms. Barton: "Hey! We're all stuck, here, okay? So now let's just sit quietly and, and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure that old Commandant Snyder's gone. Then we're all outta here!"
Xander: "Does anyone else wanna marry Ms. Barton?"
Cordelia: "Get in line."
Willow: "Do you know that you have the parking brake on?"
Buffy: "Uh-huh."
Willow: "Are, are you sure about the Bronze? I mean, the SATs are tomorrow."
Buffy: "I can study at the Bronze. A little dancing, a little cross-multiplying. You know what we need?"
Willow: "Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road!"
Joyce: "So how come they, uh, call you Ripper?"
Giles: "Wouldn't you like to know."
Buffy: "Let's do the time warp again."
Willow: "Maybe there's a reunion in town or, or a Billy Joel tour or something."
Snyder: "Ooh! I'm so stoked!"
Willow: "I don't like this. They could have heart attacks."
Willow: "They're acting like a bunch..."
Buffy: "They're acting like a bunch of us."
Willow: "I don't act like this."
Oz: "They're teenagers. It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?"
Snyder: "You've got great hair."
Willow: "It just gets more upsetting."
Buffy: "No vampire has ever been that scary."
Snyder: "Hey, where are we going? Wait up, you guys! Hey! You guys aren't trying to ditch me, are ya?"
Snyder: "Whoa, Summers! You drive like a spaz!"
Buffy: "Giles at sixteen? Less together guy, more bad-magic-hates-the-world-ticking-time-bomb guy."
Giles: "Ooo... Copper's got a gun! You'll never use it, though, man."
Buffy: "The candy. I-it's gotta be the candy! It's cursed."
Snyder: "A curse?! Oh, I've got a curse."
Willow: "God, using candy for evil!"
Joyce: "Screw you. I want candy!"
Buffy: "Mom!"
Joyce: "You wanna slay stuff, and I'm not allowed to do anything about it. Well, this is what I wanna do, so get off my back!"
Xander: "I don't get this. The candy's supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton, and I don't feel any dif... Never mind."
Giles: "He's lying. Hit him!"
Buffy: "I don't think he is, and shut up."
Giles: "You're my Slayer, go knock his teeth down his thr..."
Buffy: "Giles!"
Snyder: "She whupped you good, huh? Yah! Wah! I can do that. I took Tae Kwon Do at the Y."
Buffy: "Uh, see if you guys can find something to tie him up with."
Joyce: "Um..."
* She pulls out a set of handcuffs *
Buffy: "Never tell me."
Snyder: "Uh, good. You go do that thing with the demon, and I'll stay here in case the babies, you know, uh... find their way back."
Joyce: "The babies must be do scared."
Giles: "You filthy little ponce. Are you afraid of a little demon?"
Snyder: "If you want to splash around in the poo, you're the filthy one!"
Buffy: "Okay, you know what? Everybody just stop it! Okay, listen to me. I need help, okay? Giles, I need grownups. These children are gonna die if we don't act now, okay, and think clearly. There is no room for mistakes. Besides which... you guys are just wigging me out."
Trick: "You and me, girl. There's hard times ahead."
Buffy: "They never leave. Always gotta say something."
Willow: "'Kiss rocks'? Why would anyone want to kiss... Oh, wait. I get it."
Buffy: "It was just too much to deal with. It was like nothing made sense anymore. The things that I thought I understood were gone. I just felt... so alone."
Giles: "Was that the math or the verbal?"
Buffy: "Mostly the math."
Giles: "I say, your car seems to have had an adventure, doesn't it?"
Joyce: "Uh, Buffy assures me that it happened battling evil, so I'm letting her pay for it on the installment plan."
Buffy: "Uh, hey, the way things were going, be glad that's the worst that happened. At least I got to the two of you before you actually did something."
Joyce: "Right."
Giles: "Indeed."
Joyce: "Y-yes."