Willow: "This is a nightmare. This is... my world is spinning."
Xander: "It's not that bad, Willow, really."
Willow: 740? Verbal?! I'm-I'm... pathetic! Illiterate! I'm Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel."
Xander: "That's right. "And the fact that your 740 verbal closely resembles my combined scores in no way compormises your position as the village idiot."
Willow: "I just... Where did I go wrong?"
Oz: "Well, I can see why you'd be upset... That was my sarcastic voice."
Xander: "You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice."
Oz: "I've been told that."
Buffy: "They're just test scores, right? What do they really mean, anyway?"
Willow: "1430! Buffy, you kicked ass! Okay, so academic achievement gets me a little excited."
Buffy: "I don't know. I guess... my future. I never really thought about it. I wasn't even sure I was going to have one."
Cordelia: "Well, I think this is great. Now you can leave and never come back!... Well, I mean that is a positive way. Get out of Sunnydale. That's a good thing. What kind of moron would ever wanna come back here?"
Spike: "Home, sweet... home."
Spike: "Why did you do it, baby? Why did you leave me? We were happy here. YOU... STUPID... WORTHLESS... BITCH! Look what you've done to me."
Buffy: "Okay, but you're just going for a few days, right? I mean, you're not gonna settle there and grow crops or anything."
Giles: "What? Oh, my gear. No, no, this is, this is basic necessities."
Buffy: "Giles, you pack like me."
Giles: "Here. I suspect your mother will want to, uh, put it on the refrigerator."
Buffy: "Yeah. She saw these scores, and her head spun around and exploded."
Giles: "I-I've been on the Hellmouth for too long. That was metaphorical, yes?"
Buffy: "Yes. She was happy."
Wilkins: "Oh, look at that! Everytime, cuts to the left. See, and it's not the carpet. It's me. I swear, I would sell my soul for a decent short game. Of course, it's a little late for that. I don't suppose I coudl offer you sould, huh? Really help me on the green. I'm just funning."
Wilkins: "Loose cannon. Rock the boat. Is that a mixed metaphor?"
Wilkins: "Boats did have cannons. And a loose one would cause it to rock. Oh, honestly. I don't know where my mind goes these days."
Xander: "Wait a minute. This is love spell stuff! You're doing a love spell?"
Willow: "No! Of course not! This is a purely scientific... de-lusting spell..."
Spike: "She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared? It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiiirt! I caught her on a part bench, making out with a chaos demon! Have you ever seen a chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting. She only did it to hurt me. So I said, 'I'm not putting up with this anymore'. And she said 'Fine!' And I said, ''Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!' And then she said... she said we could still be friends. God, I'm so unhappy."
Willow: "There, there."
Spike: "I mean, friends! How could she be so cruel?"
Spike: "Well, if at first you don't succeed, I'll kill him, and you try again."
Spike: "So I'm strolling throught the park, looking for a meal, and I happen to walk by, and she's making out with the chaos demon! And so I said, 'You know, I don't have to put up with this.' And she said, 'Fine!' So I said, 'Fine, do whatever you like!' I mean, I though we were going to make up, you know."
Joyce: "Well, she sounds very unreasonable."
Spike: "She is. She's out of her mind. That's what I miss most about her."
Joyce: "Well, Spike, sometimes even when two people seem right for each other, their lives just take different paths. When Buffy's father and I..."
Spike: "No, this is different. Our love was eternal. Literally. You got any of those little marshmallow?"
Joyce: "Well, lemme look."
Joyce: "You get out of this house, or I will stake you myself."
Spike: "You're a very bad man."
Cordelia: "What if they were kidnapped by Columbian drug lords? They could be cutting off Xander's ear right now! Or other parts."
Cordelia: "Oh, my God. Is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing."
Oz: "I really agree."
Spike: "Oh, God."
Buffy: "What's wrong? Not that I care."
Spike: "What do you know? It's your fault, the both of you! She belongs with me. I'm nothing without her."
Buffy: "That I'll have to agree with. You're pathetic, you know that? You're not even a loser anymore, you're a shell of a loser."
Spike: "Yeah. You're one to talk."
Spike: "The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave."
Buffy: "I don't know what you're talking about."
Spike: "Oh, yeah. You're just friends."
Angel: "That's right."
Spike: "You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood... blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."
Willow: "Well, I figure either... I refuse to do the spell and he kills us, or I do the spell and he kills us."
Xander: "Give me a third option."
Willow: "He's so drunk he forgets about us, and we starve to death. That's sort of the best one."
Xander: "Will, we're not gonna die. If he's so drunk, he'll get sloppy, and then I'll make my move. As long as my move doesn't involve standing up or using my limbs, we'll be okay."
Cordelia: "I fell..."
Spike: "Now, that was fun. Oh, don't tell me that wasn't fun. Oh, God! It's been so long since I had a decent spot of violence. Really puts things in perspective. Oh, yeah. You two. Just friends. No danger there."
Buffy: "Could we just do the damn spell now?"
Spike: "Oh, sod the spell. Your friends are at the factory. I'm really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man I was, the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again. Love's a funny thing."
Xander: "Cordy... please hold on."
Cordelia: "Xander? I can't see you..."
Xander: "Look, Cordy, I want you to know that I..."
Cordelia: "Stay away from me."
Buffy: "We're not friends. We never were. And I can fool Giles, and I can fool my friends, but I can't fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason. What I want from you I can never have. You don't need me to take care of you anymore. So I'm gonna go."
Angel: "I don't accept that."
Buffy: "You have to."
Angel: "How can... There's gotta be some way we can still see each other."
Buffy: "There is: tell me that you don't love me."
Spike: "I plan each charted course. Each little step along the highway. And more, much more than this. I did it my way."