Spin the Bottle
Lorne: "Ah, youth. Is there anything more magical? A time of first loves, great discoveries... Let's fact it. Youth is it. It's a national obsession, crazy cats. But somewhere, people all forget what a mess youth is. It's a time of magic alright and there is nothing more unreliable or annoying than magic."
Cordy: "Were we in love?"
Angel: "Mmm."
Cordy: "Were we?"
Angel: "What?"
Cordy: "In love?"
Angel: "With each other?"
Cordy: "Mister, if you start giving me the run around..."
Angel: "I'm not. I'm not."
Cordy: "Then tell me the truth!"
Angel: "I don't know."
Cordy: "You don't know?"
Angel: "Well, I'm not sure."
Cordy: "Now, I kind of think that's the sort of thing I'd remember. Hey! Maybe you wrote it down somewhere. A note on the fridge maybe?"
Angel: "I had feelings for you. I thought that maybe you... - But you never told me."
Angel: "I was never - in the workplace - I - well, there was that one time with the ballet, and-and the stripping, and-and the roundness, but that was a spell! And-and we were meeting in Malibu on the bluffs at night. That's a pretty romantic restraining order."
Cordy: "Don't yell at me! You're yelling at me."
Cordy: "I know my ABC's, I know my history. I know who's president, and that I sort of wish I didn't. I know the names of every shoe store in the Beverly Center, but - I don't even recognize the sound of my own name."
Lorne: "No pain, no side efects. I'm telling you, swingers, there is no way this can fail... So I'm an idiot. What are you? Perfect?"
Lorne: "I'm gonna need a bigger drink."
Lorne: "Now she swears up and down that with the right mix, we can stop this talking and cut straight to the Cordelia Chase, in two ticks of a - ticking thing."
Cordy: "I don't care. Pain, side effects, this thing turns me into a Mousaka, I'm happy - as long as I can remember I'm a Mousaka."
Gunn: "Oh, good. Symbols on the floor. That always goes well."
Lorne: "Check your sarcasm at the door, pouty britches, this is for Cordy."
Wesley: "Did I miss the spell? Did - English go away?"
Lorne: "No, it's Pylean, crumpet. I said I may be prepared to shout a joyful chant."
Fred: "And I said may your words please the gods."
Lorne: "Okay. First of all she didn't say may your words please the gods so much as may you orally please the gods, which is a slight... Well, inflection is very crucial in our... Ah! God bless her. It's always nice to hear the mother tongue - as long as it's not my mother."
Cordy: "So, you're perfectly okay with just wandering into my room any old time. That fits the 'we were in love' theory and the harrassment theory - pretty much equally."
Gunn: "What happened to you, man?"
Wesley: "I had my throat cut and all my friends abandoned me."
Lorne: "Okay. Keep your eyes on the bottle."
Cordy: "Okay. What the hell is going on here?"
Wesley: "What's your name?"
Cordy: "I'm Cordelia Chase, dumb-ass."
Cordy: "Hello salty goodness."
Wesley: "So, who are you?"
Gunn: "I'm the guy who's gonna kick a whole mess of ass if somebody don't tell me what's going on."
Cordy: "What do they call you for short?"
Wesley: "It's Wesley, thank you. Wyndham-Price. I am from the Watchers Academy in Southern Hampshire. In fact, I happen to be head boy."
Cordy: "Gee, I wonder how you earned that nick name."
Wesley: "A lot of effort, I don't mind saying."
Wesley: "Well, what's your name?"
Angel: "Liam."
Cordy: "Great. We all got names. Bye now."
Fred: "Don't y'all think this is some kind of government conspiracy? My friend Levon says the government is always taking kids and experimenting on them. - Did anybody else have to take a personality disorder test recently? They ask you about politics and your bowel movements and if you want to be a Florist..."
Cordy: "Okay, we've heard from Scarlet-oh-please-shut-me-up. Does anyone sane have a theory?"
Wesley: "Judging from the amount of facial hair I've grown we've all been unconscious for at least a month."
Cordy: "Oh god! Oh god! My hair! My hair! The government gave me bad hair!"
Wesley: "Perhaps the whole point of this experiment is hair!"
Gunn: "I vote he's not in charge."
Liam: "It's the devil. It's the devil."
Cordy: "My hair?"
Fred: "Well, maybe it's Motel Hell!"
Wesley: "But I have experience in things - you couldn't imagine. I'm not head boy for nothing."
Gunn: "You're about to be headless boy if you don't get out of my face."
Liam: "I knew it. It's the devil."
Fred: "Why's the devil sleepy?"
Gunn: "When he wakes up. We don't even know if this tape is gonna hold him. I say we cut his damn head off!"
Wesley: "Thank you very much, Marie-Antoinette."
Gunn: "What you call me?"
Cordy: "Hey! Hey! You two wanna pause the homo-erotic buddy cop session long enough to explain this? Wooden stakes, a guy with horns and neither of you seems that surprised when things just keep getting weirder."
Fred: "They really are... Have you got any weed?"
Wesley: "Alright, I'm gonna let you all in on something you may - have trouble comprehending, I assure you however that..."
Gunn: "Vampires are real."
Wesley: "I was telling!"
Liam: "It's about time the English got what's coming to him. I'm rooting for the slave."
Lorne: "I know I'm still unconscious during this part of the story, but - can you believe these mooks?"
Fred: "Slayer? The band?"
Fred: "Are you always this grouchy?"
Gunn: "Only when I wake up with a bunch of insane white folks trying to tell me what to do. The day I take orders from guys like you is - the day I... - Not even gonna happen."
Cordy: "You mean this is about my hair?"
Cordy: "Kinda have filled out even more."
Fred: "And - I apparently ain't gonna..."
Fred: "So you think if we kill this vampire they'll take off this spell whammy and we can go back to being ourselves?"
Cordy: "And never see each other again?"
Wesley: "I believe that we can all just go about our business."
Cordy: "And never see each other again?!"
Cordy: "I'm going with tall, dark, and slightly less pathetic then you two here."
Liam: "How did you... You stopped the tiny men from singing."
Cordy: "You really are far from home, aren't you?"
Liam: "Sorry for acting so - womanish."
Cordy: "Oh, you're not... Really not womanish."
Lorne: "Well, those were some exciting products. Am I right? Let's all think about buying some of those."
Lorne: "Is there anything worse than - feeling like you're all alone, - like you're the only person in the world who thinks the way you do, and if anyone else found out they'd drive a pointy wooden thing through your heart? And as for our fearless vampire killers..."
Fred: "I just don't think we should be ruling out the idea of aliens. I mean, he's a greenish sort of fella, and us being asleep all that time... I mean, think about it for a minute. They could have been doing heaven knows what! I can just see myself, lying on a table, no clothes, no will, while they probed and explored and did whatever they wanted to my naked helpless body... It's horrible."
Wesley: "Well. Let's not give up probe. - Hope. Give up hope. We not."
Liam: "We saw no vampires of any kind anywhere."
Cordy: "Excuse me? Did I just get the brush off? Did a guy just bail on me?! There really is some sort of horrible spell."
Gunn: "If something's eating him at least he's not as bored as me."
Fred: "Wouldn't a vampire be coming after us anyhow? Aren't we vittles?"
Wesley: "Five people, each unknown to each other, far from home, trapped together at night. I submit that the blood-sucking fiend may be closer than we dared suspect. That it may be..."
Liam: "I'll search the rooms."
Wesley: "I was getting to the good part!"
Liam: "But we can't just wait for the vampires to appear. I'll just flush him out and..."
Wesley: "That it may be one of us!"
Wesley: "The cross obviously doesn't affect me - or our friend the - pugilist."
Gunn: "Your ass better pray I don't look that word up."
Liam: "He speaks madness."
Lorne: "Hey! Here's a funny sidebar: I'm tied to a chair - again! What the hell's going on?!"
Wesley: "We were hoping you would enlighten us, spawn of evil."
Liam: "Uh, - lying - devil man."
Gunn: "Explains the lame-ass cover story about being Irish, too."
Cordy: "Is this a convenient time to point out that you left me alone with him, genius?"
Wesley: "Well, I..."
Liam: "I-I never touched her."
Cordy: "So clearly - deviant!"
Wesley: "Vampires are all the same, my friend. There's nothing human about them!"
Gunn: "That's right. You ain't a person. Just dust waiting to happen."
Wesley: "Sorry. I mean, ha!"
Liam: "You want a vampire then? Guess I'm your man! I guess I'll start - feeding on your corpses! Starting with the girls. So, who's gonna be the first course? Hard to chose between you girls."
Cordy: "What do you mean it's hard?!... I mean, she's the tasty one. Look at her. Half of her is neck!"
Cordy: "Well, I got a superpower of my own, hotshot."
Liam: "What's that then?"
* She screams *
Liam: "That really is inhuman."
Wesley: "Yes, that one! Kill that one, please!"
Cordy: "Look, you're a wee bit chess club for my, ah usual beat, but you kill that freak and you're getting a big reward."
Connor: "You mean it?"
Cordy: "Hoo doggy."
Lorne: "We did a spell. It went wrong. But we can make it right. Is the bottle still there? On the floor? In the circle?"
Fred: "You mean those bitty bits of broken glass?"
Lorne: "Oh, balls."
Liam: "I'm supposed to be evil. But they attack me without cause. They gang up on me because I'm different. They're as bad as my father."
Connor: "Fathers. Don't they suck?"
Liam: "Say one thing then... 'be good. Fear God. Do as you're told.' And all the while I know good and well he's had his share of sinning."
Connor: "Sounds kind of like my father."
Liam: "Is he a self-righteous bastard?"
Connor: "You'd be amazed."
Connor: "Are you happy now?"
Liam: "I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be attacked. I didn't ask to be a freak. - Hell, I didn't even ask to be born."
Fred: "Hold it! Nobody kill anybody! Please?"
Lorne: "So all's well that ends well, right kiddies? But since nothing ended all that well, I guess I gotta say, well... Nothing was well.'
Angel: "Cordelia?... Were we in love?"
Cordy: "We were."