A New Man
Willow: "We got trouble."
Buffy: "What's up?"
Willow: "I was in the rec room... came in through the window..."
Riley: "Vampire?"
Willow: "Vampires don't breathe fire."
Chorus Of Voices: "Surprise!!"
Willow: "Guess you won't be killing anything tonight after all."
Buffy: "Don't be so sure..."
Anya: "I'm sorry. That was rude. Please continue your story. I hope it involves treacle and a headmaster."
Buffy: "Giles used to be the librarian at my high school."
Riley: "I've seen the library. It's gone downhill since you left."
Xander: "That's my radio!"
Spike: "And you're what? Shocked and disappointed? I'm evil!"
Anya: "Wait. I want to give you something for your new place."
Xander: "That's my lamp!"
Anya: "A gift is traditional. I read about it."
Xander: "That's among friends. With bitter enemies, we don't give them my lamp."
Maggie: "So... The Slayer."
Buffy: "Yep. That's me."
Maggie: "We thought you were a myth."
Buffy: "Well... You were myth-taken."
Maggie: "And to think all that time you were sitting in my class. Well, most of those times. I always knew you could do better than a B minus. Now I understand your energies were directed in the same places as ours, in fact. It's only our methods that differ. We use the latest in scientific technology and state-of-the-art weaponry and you -- if I understand this correctly -- poke them with a sharp stick."
Buffy: "It's more effective than it sounds."
Maggie: "Oh, I'm quite sure of that. As I'm sure that we can learn much from each other."
Riley: "Buffy, when I saw you stop the world from... you know, ending, I assumed that was a big week for you. Turns out I suddenly find myself... needing to know the plural of apocalypse."
Giles: "What? Oh, that's bloody marvelous! After I've spent weeks trying to get a single scrap of information on our mysterious demon-collectors, no one bothered to tell me that Buffy is dating one! Who else know this?"
Xander: "No one! No one else knows this... Anya. That's it."
Willow: "And Spike."
Giles: "Spike?! Knew?"
Giles: "Oh, who am I kidding? Nothing's going to happen."
Ethan: "I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that at all. In fact, Old Ripper, I'd say something rather interesting was about to --"
Giles: "What did you s --"
Ethan: "Oh, bugger! I thought you'd gone!"
Giles: "Three-fourteen. What's that?"
Ethan: "No bloody idea."
Ethan: "You don't have to worry about all that anymore, mate. When you went to the loo I slipped a small pellet of poison in your drink. You'll be dead in an hour... Just kidding."
Buffy: "I like pancakes. They're stackable. And waffles cause you could put stuff in the little holes if you wanted to."
Willow: "He's feeling all neglected and out of the loopy."
Willow: "I mean, he's right, you can't go around pretending you're less than you are. It wouldn't be right for you to hold back."
Buffy: "Right..."
Willow: "What?"
Buffy: "I held back a little."
Giles: "Hello. Yes, it's me."
Xander: "Yaaaa!"
Giles: "(Listen. Can't you understand me?") Rrr. Grrbch fffahar lagggh!"
Xander: "Demon! Demon!"
Giles: "Bloody humans..."
Buffy: "Okay. There was a demon and Giles is gone. But it doesn't mean that Giles is hurt. There's no blood. It might've just taken him somewhere..."
Anya: "I think it ate him up."
Spike: "And, by the way, why the hell are you suddenly a Fyarl demon? Cause I like to think I'm pretty observant, and I never saw a sign of it, I swear."
Giles: "It's a funny story. If funny meant horrific."
Spike: "And I'm supposed to just help you out of the evilness of my heart?"
Buffy: "I just wish I know what I needed. I keep thinking, let's ask Giles, and then I remember."
Xander: "He'd be great right now. He'd find himself in a second. Nobody's cooler in a crisis."
Giles: "Listen, about Fyarl demons... do I, do I have any special powers? Setting things on fire with my sizzling eye beams?"
Spike: "Well, you got the mucus thing..."
Giles: "What? Mucus?"
Spike: "Paralyzing mucus: shoots out the nose, sets up fast. Hard as a rock. Pretty good in a fight."
Giles: "You're making this up."
Spike: "Maybe. But, hey, you feel a sneeze coming on, you warn me."
Giles: "I don't like this feeling. It's like a... a mindless need to destroy things. Anger. Rage."
Spike: "Good times. Go with it."
Giles: "No."
Spike: "It's fun! I can't do it. Do it for me. Let yourself go!"
Giles: "I refuse to become a monster, just because I look like one. I have a soul. I have a conscience. I am a human being. Oooh. Stop the car."
* Jumps out of car, runs at Maggie like roaring demon maniac, Maggie screams and runs away *
Giles: "Right. Let's go then."
Willow: "A Fyarl demon. Sort of a foot soldier type. Works for other demons lots of the time. Very strong, and... oh hey: Mucus."
Buffy: "Mucus?"
Xander: "Did you just say 'mucus'?"
Willow: "You don't want to know."
Riley: "The demon attacked Professor Walsh. It got out of a small gray car. A Citroen."
Willow: "It stole Giles' car!"
Xander: "Why would a demon steal a car?"
Anya: "Why would a demon steal that car?"
Spike: "Don't mind my friend. He's... insane."
Buffy: "You're not taking me along. I'm going and I'm letting you come with me."
Spike: "How're you feeling, mate?"
Giles: "Like snapping necks until everyone's dead."
Spike: "Now that sounds like a Fyarl demon. Good for you."
Spike: "Doesn't anyone get I'm still evil? Hey, picked up a tail."
Giles: "Just a little one. Hurts to sit."
Spike: "I mean someone's following us."
Spike: "Sure, dismantle the getaway car. That'll scare em."
Buffy: "This is for Giles."
Giles: "For me?"
Buffy: "Oh my God. Giles."
Giles: "Ahrooog! Ahrooog!"
Buffy: "Oh God! Giles! Giles! I'm sorry! Don't die!"
Giles: "Actually I feel quite well. Except for the rage."
Ethan: "I've got to learn to just do the damage and leave town. It's the stay-n-gloat that gets me every time."
Giles: "How, how did you know it was me?"
Buffy: "Your eyes. There's only one person in the world who can look that annoyed with me."
Giles: "I think I'd like to go watch them manhandle him into a vehicle."