Goodbye, Iowa

Buffy: " Maggie sends me down into the sewers with one of those blasto guns. Next thing I know, it's raining monsters."
Xander: "Hallelujah. What? She was asking for it."

Spike: "Got to hand it to you, Goldilocks, you have bleedin tragic taste in men. I have a cousin, married a regurgitating Frovlax demon, has better instincts than you."
Buffy: "What does my taste in men have to do with this?"
Spike: "You think Riley was off knitting booties for you future offspring while Maggie was stringing you up?"

Buffy: "Everybody grab a weapon. We've got to move."
Xander: "And storm the Initiative? Yeah... Let's take on those suckers!"
Buffy: "I was more thinking that we'd hide."
Xander: "Oh thank god."

Buffy: "Xander - what about your basement? The guys haven't seen us together much. And your basement's big enough-"
Willow: "Plus - mirror ball."
Xander: "Cool. Come on down and boogie at Xander's hide-away."
Anya: "Yes. Come boogie."
Giles: "Absolutely not. I will not squat in that dank little hole."
Spike: "What? It was good enough for me, but you're above it all?"
Giles: "Precisely."

Riley: "I know something went down. Tell me."
Buffy: "Maggie - she tried to kill me."
Anya: "It didn't work, but they're all upset anyway."

Riley: "That's Hostile 17."
Spike: "No, I'm just a friend of Xander's... Bugger it. I'm your guy."
Buffy: "That's - his name is Spike. It's a... really long story. But he's not bad anymore."
Spike: "Hey! What am I? A bleedin broken record? I'm bad. It's just, I can't bite anymore, thanks to you wankers."
Riley: "We've been looking all over the place and you've known where he was all along?"
Buffy: "It's not like that."
Riley: "Then what is it like? What's he doing here?"
Spike: Leaving you swabs to your dramatics, thanks. Got my stories on the telly for that. By the way, if you are tying to kill her --"
* Gives Riley Two Thumbs Up *

Buffy: "That would never happen."
Willow: "Well, no, Buff. That's why they call them cartoons and not documentaries..."

Willow: "Look who's a cranky bear in the morning."
Giles: "Yes. Can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beachball."
Anya: "Every time you moved you made squeaky noises. It was irritating."
Giles: "Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring."

Buffy: "Seems like things could get heavier. I mean, his world's falling apart."
Anya: "And after you went through all that stuff with Angel... You should get a boring boyfriend, like Xander. But you can't have Xander."
Buffy: "That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were supposed to to dumb stuff - like hold hands through the daisies going, 'tra, la, la...'"
Willow: "Poor Buffy. Your life resists all things average."
Anya: "So dump him. But you can't have Xander."
Buffy: "I'll try to remember that."

Buffy: "I'm not going to. I'm going to the crime scene and see what I can find out. You guys research the Polgara demon - I want to know where it is. And when I find it - I'm going to make him pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine... That... probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my Yummy Suushi pajamas."

Riley: "Maggie's dead. You happy now?"

Willy: "Hey! We got new rules in here, no killing -"

Riley: "I mean, who do you believe? First it sounds like lies. Then it sounds like truth..."

Riley: "I thought I knew. But I don't... I don't know anything."
Buffy: "Shhhh. You're sick. Once you get some rest - "
Riley: "No. I don't know anything. I don't know which team I'm on. Who the bad guys are..."
Buffy: "Riley -"
Riley: "Maybe I'm the bad guy. Maybe I'm the thing you should kill."

Buffy: "Giles and Anya will keep researching. Xander, you and I will go in undercover."
Anya: "Hey, remember before? No Xander. Not in a boyfriend-way or a lead-him-to-certain-death-way."

Buffy: "Sorry. It's just - I'm the only one who can pass the retinal scan."
Xander: "The - eeeew! I don't want to see that!"
Buffy: "Retinal scan, Xander."

Xander: "Holy moly."
Buffy: "I know."
Xander: "I totally get it now. Can I have sex with Riley too?"

Xander: "Quick. Pretend to make out with me."
Buffy: " What? What are you talking about?"
Xander: "Well, I... You know, I just... in the movies, the guy and the girl have to hide-"
Buffy: "Please. Do you think we could draw more attention to ourselves? This is the Initiative, Xander. Scientists and military guys don't make out with each other..."
Xander: "Well, hey. Maybe that's what's wrong with the world. Ever think about that?"

Buffy: "Spell it out for me. I feel an attack of dumb blonde coming on."

Adam: "I am a kinematically redundant, bio-mechanical demonoid. Designed by Maggie Walsh. She called me Adam, and I called her 'Mother'."
Dr. Angleman: "Adam. Maggie would want you to stand down."
Adam: "Yes. But I seem to have a design flaw."
Dr. Angleman: "Oh God..."

Riley: "I'll kill you."
Adam: "You won't. You haven't been programmed to."

Adam: "Thank you. This was interesting."

Buffy: "The Initiative probably has him locked in a medical ward... And I can't get near him - no until I have a better plan than storming in there and getting us all shot."
Willow: "Yeah. You might want to work the kinks out of that one."

Willow: "There's got to be a flaw..."
Buffy: "I'd say the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight..."

Buffy: "Everything he ever believed has been taken away, or... He's all alone, Will. He has nothing to hold on to..."

Episode Guide: Goodbye, Iowa

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- - last updated: 5-21-02 - -