Who Are You?
* Note: for this episode the role of Buffy is played by Eliza Dushku (usually Faith), and the role of Faith will be played by Sarah Michelle Gellar (usually Buffy). Simply Buffy is in Faith's body and Faith is in Buffy's body, got it?? *
Detective Clark: "Thank you both. I'm glad we finally got the kid."
Faith: "She's not a kid. I just mean, she's strong."
Detective Clark: "Yeah. This Faith chick: definitely dangerous."
Faith: "She truly is."
Faith: "Why yes, I would be Buffy, may I help you? Buffy buffy buffy buffy buffy buffy. You can't do that. That would be wrong. You can't do that. Because it's naughty. Because it's wrong. You can't do that, it's wrong. I'll kick your ass..."
Buffy: "She took away my... my body..."
Tara: "Well you should be safe. Nobody knows you're here. I mean, they don't even know I exist, right? I know all about them, but..."
Willow: "Hey..."
Tara: "I mean that's totally fine. It's good. It's better."
Willow: "Tara, I never... I mean, it's not like I don't want my friends to know you, it's just... Buffy's like my best friend, and she's really special, plus, you know, Slayer, that's a deal, and there's the whole bunch of us, and we have this group thing that kind of revolves around the slaying and I really want you to meet them and meet Buffy but I just sort of like having something that's just, you know, mine. I don't usually use that many words to say stuff that little. But do you get it al all?"
Tara: "I am, you know."
Willow: "What."
Tara: "Yours."
Faith: "You don't mind if I steal this, right?"
Joyce: "Is that the 'Harlot'?"
Faith: "Yeah. Harlot."
Joyce: "That's the samw one Faith picked."
Faith: "Burn it."
Giles: "It's about Faith, not surprisingly."
Faith: "Didn't Joyce tell you? I already kicked that ass."
Xander: "I feel a high five coming on..."
Willow: "What's wetworks?"
Xander: "Scuba type stuff."
Anya: "I thought it was murder."
Xander: "Well, yeah, but, there could be, underwater... murder... with the snorkles..."
Willow: "Yeah. I hope they throw the book at her."
Giles: "I'm not sure there is a book for something like this."
Willow: "They could throw other things."
Xander: "We kind of have a romantic evening planned."
Anya: "We're going to light a bunch of candles and have sex near them."
Faith: "Well we certainly don't want to cut into that seven minutes."
Anya: "Hey!"
Xander: "I believe that's my 'hey'."
Faith: "Um, do I... usually give you a hard time?"
Spike: "Very funny. Well you don't have to worry about me drinking. Unless you're here to protect innocent beers."
Faith: "You're a vampire."
Spike: "Yeah, and as soon as I get this chip out of my head I'll be a vampire again but until then I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree so why don't you sod off and let me enjoy the lack of ambience?"
Faith: "Okay."
Spike: "Oh, fine! Throw it in my face! Spike's not a threat anymore, I'll just turn my back, he can't hurt me..."
Faith: "Spike... Spike. William the Bloody, with a chip in his head. I kind of love this town."
Spike: "Gah! You know why I really hate you, Summers?"
Faith: "I'm a stuck up tight-ass with no sense of fun?"
Spike: "Wuh-yeah, that... covers a lot of it..."
Faith: "Cause I could do anything I want and instead I just pout and whine and feel the burden of slayerness? I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous, I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop till your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up, I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of, I could squeeze you till you popped like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more and you know why I don't? Because it's wrong."
Adam: "You fear death. Being immortal, you fear it more than those to whom it comes naturally. Vampires are a paradox."
Boone: "Okay, we're a paradox, that's cool..."
Adam: "Demon in a human body. You're a hybrid. Natural and unnatural. You walk in both worlds, and belong to neither. I can relate."
Faith: "So we've never met. Okay. Cool. I'm having a thing with names."
Faith: "You guys have been hanging out a lot, huh?"
Tara: "Yeah. She's really cool."
Faith: "So Willow not driving stick anymore. Who woulda thought? Guess you never know a person till you've been inside their skin. And Oz is out of the picture? I never did see two people so much in love. She just couldn't get enough of old Oz."
Tara: "She, uh, said he www..."
Faith: "He www? You gonna get that sentence out sometime tonight?"
Faith: "Oh yeah. Good call."
Tara: "What?"
Willow: "Vampire."
Faith: "He's wicked obvious. So I better slay him then."
Buffy: "How about this? I'll be quiet, and you can scream. Now you unchain me, very slowly and politely, or I kill this guy."
Willow: "You think Buffy's not herself? Like she's possessed or something?"
Tara: "I'm not sure..."
Willow: "You didn't sense a hyena energy at all did you? Hyena possession is just unpleasant."
Faith: "Oh, you wouldn't have liked Faith. She's not proper and joyless like a girl should be. She has a tendency to give in to her animal instincts."
Faith: "Who are you? What do you want from her?"
Forrest: "Yeah, you're a killer."
Faith: "I'm not a killer! I'm a slayer. You don't know the first thing about me."
Forrest: "You really care what I think?"
Faith: "No, I... I don't care. God. I don't care..."
Buffy: "Okay. Giles. Listen to me very carefully. I'm not Faith."
Giles: "Really."
Buffy: "Really."
Giles: "Because the resemblance is striking."
Buffy: "I know. Giles, you just have to -- stop inching! You were inching."
Giles: "No I wasn't."
Buffy: "Faith switched. She had some device, she switched our bodies. I swear, Giles, it's me."
Giles: "If you're Buffy, then, then you'll allow me to tie you up -- without killing me -- until we can be sure that you're telling the truth."
Buffy: "Giles, Faith has taken my body and for all I know she's taken it to Mexico by now. I don't have time for bondage fun. Ask me a question. Ask me anything!"
Giles: "Who is president!?!"
Buffy: "We're checking for Buffy, not a concussion."
Giles: "Yes. Right. Um..."
Buffy: "Oh, this is -- Giles, you turned into a demon and i knew it was you. Can't you just look in my eyes and be all intuitive?"
Giles: "How did I turn into a demon?"
Buffy: "Cause of Ethan Rayne. And, and you have a girlfriend named Olivia and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school -- which, uh, is valid, lifestylewise, I mean you're not like a slacker, but, okay -- and when I had psychic power I heard my Mom think you were like a stevedore during sex. Do you want me to keep going?"
Giles: "Actually, I beg you to stop."
Buffy: "What's a stevedore?"
Faith: "Don't tell me what to do! I'm Buffy, I... This is what I have to do."
Boone: "I told the cops they send anyone in, I start the whole massacre thing..."
Faith: "Well, I'm not the cops. I just come to pray."
Boone: "Now's a good time to start."
Faith: "You're not gonna kill these people."
Boone: "Why not?"
Faith: "Because it's wrong."
Riley: "It's all right, miss. You just get out of harm's way."
Buffy: "Riley, it's me, it's -- never mind. How many are in there?"
Riley: "Well... who are you?"
Buffy: "You can't win this --"
Faith: "Shut up! You think I'm afraid of you? You're nothing! You're disgusting! A useless murderous bitch! You're nothing!"
* Note: From here on things are back to normal and Sarah is Buffy and Eliza is Faith *
Buffy: "You slept with her."
Riley: "I slept with you. Man would I like to get my hands on her... but not in a sex way..."
Buffy: "I don't think she's coming back."
Riley: "I guess she had her fun."
Buffy: "Yeah... Fun..."