Superstar
Buffy: "Where's the other one?"
Xander: "Scampered like a big bumpy bunny."
Anya: "In there."
Willow: "I don't care if it is an orgy of death. There's still such a thing as a napkin."
Buffy: "You're right. There's too many for just us. You know who we need. Um. Hi? We have a problem..."
Jonathan: "Sounds like you could use my help."
Xander: "The quick-draw is about more than speed. It's also about pointing the stake the right way. And, there can be splinter issues. It's a true test of dexterity."
Anya: "Can you open this?"
* hands him the milk carton *
Xander: "Nah, I tear it and it goes all sloshy.'
Jonathan: "Watch out for southpaws, Buff. Don't let em surprise you."
Buffy: "Hope you saved room for being killed."
Xander: "Well, I think we did great. We knocked em dead. Which they already were..."
Willow: "We knocked em deader."
Anya: "They weren't very organized. If they'd all rushed at Buffy they could've killed her right away."
Buffy: "Oh, thanks, Anya. That's not gonna keep me awake all night."
Spike: "I live here. And I wasn't exactly pining for a noisy visit from Wonder-Jonathan and his fluffy battle kittens."
Buffy: "Yeah? You think that up with all the time you spend not being able to bite people?"
Jonathan: "Careful. He's still pretty dangerous."
Spike: "Yeah, back off, Betty."
Buffy: "It's Buffy, you big bleached... Stupid guy."
Buffy: "You must be feeling better."
Riley: "Yeah. A lot stronger. I mean I'm no Jonathan, but I'm doing okay."
Buffy: "Now, if they made Slaying a competitive sport, that's when I'd have a shot. There could be... you know... speed staking, and, um... figure staking..."
Jonathan: "If you really want it, you can make anything happen."
Jonathan: "People can't always see what's right in front of them."
Anya: "I did not."
Xander: "Last night. With me. You said 'Jonathan'."
Anya: "It was a moan."
Xander: "Fine. You moaned 'Jonathan'."
Anya: "Nuh-uh. It was like 'aaaah'."
Xander: "Maybe it was 'aaaaanathan', still not fluffing up the ol'ego."
Riley: "They're quite a couple, aren't they?"
Buffy: "If it turns into a fistfight, I've got a fifty on Anya."
Buffy: "Do we have to talk? No talk. More dance."
Anya: "Xander?"
Xander: "Yeah?"
Anya: "Let's go have sex now."
Xander: "Yeah. Okay."
Jape: "Wish you'd get rid of that body. The smell's making me hungry."
Adam: "You wouldn't want it. It had a blood disease. It didn't know, but it would've been dead within the year. Humans sense so little of what they carry inside>"
Willow: "Um, Buffy, this is Jonathan. You know he doesn't get scared. You talked about it when you gave him the Class Protector Award at the Prom."
Willow: "So. I saw you and Riley, with the dancing."
Anya: "Xander's not here."
Buffy: "Oh."
Anya: "You're not going away. Why aren't you going away?"
Buffy: "Well, I kind of wanted to look at some of Xander's stuff..."
Anya: "Please come in, make yourself at home. And so on. Oh, you're still here. Um... that's nice."
Buffy: "Can I ask you something? Does it ever seem, I don't know, weird to you that Jonathan is so good at everything."
Anya: "He's Jonathan. Hey! I was just at the part where he invents the internet!"
Buffy: "Anya, he fights better than I do. And I'm the Slayer. The Slayer -- that's supposed to mean something, right?"
Anya: "Oh. Um buck up, you. You kill the best. Go you. Kill kill."
Buffy: "Actually, not needing the validation. But, thanks. It's just... he's too perfect and... I don't know..."
Anya: "Sure. Alternative realities. You could have, like, a world without shrimp. Or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. You could even make a freaky world where Jonathan's some kind of not-perfect mouth-breather ifthat's what's blowing your skirt up tonight. Just don't ask me to live there."
Buffy: "I'm just saying it doesn't make sense. He starred in 'The Matrix' but he never left town? And how exactly did he graduate from med school? He's only eighteen years old!"
Xander: "Effective time management?"
Buffy: "Well, I wanted to kind of... see if anyone else thinks Jonathan's, kind of, too perfect."
Xander: "No. He's not. He's just perfect enough. He crushed the bones of the Master, he blew up a big snake made out of Mayor, and he coached the U.S. Women's Soccer Team to a stunning World Cup vicory. We saw him doing those things!"
Buffy: "But see, I'm not sure we can trust our memories. Anya, tell them about the alternative universes."
Anya: "Oh. Okay, well, say you really liked shrimp a lot. Or, we could say that you didn't like shrimp at all. 'Blah, I wish there weren't any shrimp', you say to yourself--"
Buffy: "No, no. She's not saying it right. I just think he did something so he's manipulating the world, and we're all, you know, like pawns."
Anya: "Or prawns."
Buffy: "Stop with the shrimp! I'm trying to do something serious here!"
Buffy: "This Monster has a mark on it. Jonathan saw it and he kind of... blinked."
Xander: "He blinked. The man moistens his eyeballs and we're having a meeting about it."
Buffy: "I remember something. Giles, do you have a Jonathan Swimsuit Calendar?"
Giles: "No. Yes. It was a gift."
Anya: "Yeah. Pretty darn lickable."
Xander: "I knew he wouldn't do anything on purpose."
Willow: "Me too. And that whole alternate universe thing was just freaky."
Spike: "Someday, Sweet Slayer, I'd love to take you on. See you face the evil alone for once."
Riley: "These spells -- these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'. Or 'learn to excrete gold coins'?"
Anya: "That one's not so much fun."
Willow: "They work, Riley. But they take concentration, being attuned with the forces of the universe..."
Xander: "Right. You can't just go 'Librum Incendre' and expect--"
* his book bursts into flames, he slams it shut, extingushing it *
Giles: "Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books."
Anya: "It does feel wrong. Hey. I'm having moral qualms. That's new! I don't like em."
Xander: "So we're saying he did a spell that just made us think he was cool?"
Giles: "Yes."
Xander: "That is so cool."
Buffy: "Wow. Look at that. Fall down there and be dead for a while."
Jonathan: "Yeah. Don't... don't want that to happen."
Willow: "Buffy was right. Buffy was right."
Anya: "Doesn't sound very likely, does it?"
Riley: "So, if this is the world he created, what's the real world like?"
Willow: "I'm scared. Everything's going to change."
Giles: "Well, actually, it should be more or less the same, except that Jonathan won't be Jonathan. Not Jonathan, anyway."
Xander: "No. No. No. No. World without sunshine! World without joy!"
Riley: "But, wait. It only changes back if Buffy kills this thing, right? I mean, if she loses, we could be stuck in this.. wrong world forever."
Xander: "Things looking up. I mean, we're all happy here, right? You know, if she doesn't get killed."
Buffy: "I remember this. This is good."
Anya: "Alternate realities are neat."
Xander: "You know what I'll always remember?"
Riley: "Well, the swimsuit calendar's sticking in my mind. Not in a good way."
Xander: "I'll always remember the way he made me feel. Valued and respected. Sort of tingly. And now I'm just... empty."
Buffy: "Poor Xander, I guess he hurt you most of all."
Riley: "Did anyone else feel way too tall? I felt way too tall..."
Buffy: "Jonathan, you get why they're mad, right? Not just the Monster. People didn't like being, you know, the actors in your little sock puppet theatre."
Jonathan: "You weren't! You weren't socks! We were friends."
Buffy: "Jonathan, you can't keep trying to make everything work out all at once, with some huge gesture. Things are complicated. They take time and work."
Buffy: "Oh, Jonathan... I was kidding."