Where the Wild Things Are
Buffy: "You take fang. I'll get horny."
Buffy: "A vampire/demon tag team. Who says we can't all get along."
Riley: "Don't recall ever seeing that before."
Buffy: "Cause it never happens. Demons hate vamps. They're like stripes and polka-dots. Major clashing."
Xander: "Breaking --? We're not! Are we?"
Anya: "Oh of course we are. You've obviously grown tired of me. I've seen it happen to thousands of women over the centuries. I just never thought it would happen to me."
Xander: "Anya, there's a lot more to you and me than the sex. Well, there should be. I mean, a relationship is something you have to work at... work through... together."
Anya: "I don't understand - I'm pretty. I'm young... Why didn't you take advantage of me? Is something wrong with your body?"
Xander: "There's nothing wrong with my body."
Anya: "There must be. I saw that wrinkled man on TV talking about erectile dysfunction -"
Xander: "Whoa! Hey! All systems go here. No disfuncion thing, okay? You want sex? Let's have sex. Right here, you and me, big, sweaty, sex."
* beat, see a few children & terrified mothers standing outside ice cream truck *
Willow: "They're probably going back to-"
Giles: "Yes. Thank you Willow. I did actually attend university in the Mesozic era. I remember what it's like."
Forrest: "You've got to be kidding me when do those two ever come up for air?"
Graham: "Slaves to the rhythm."
Anya: "Spike. What are you doing? You made me yell really high."
Spike: "Hey, yeah. I did. I scared you. Give me money."
Anya: "I'm not paying you for scaring me."
Spike: "You're not 'paying' me. I'm robbing you."
Anya: "Oh. Well that's just ludicrous. You can't hurt me because you've got a chip in your brain. Also, I like my money the way it is when it's mine. Now come on. You're not even bumpy anymore."
Spike: "Oh. I was, just a minute ago. Hang on, get me mad again."
Anya: "Does that really work? Scaring people into giving you their money?"
Spike: "Yeah, it works! Keeps me in blood and beers. Plus, you know, funny. Watching the little humans quail."
Anya: "I'm beginning to understand why you're so friendless."
Xander: "And I'm starting to wonder, is it me? Am I the crazy one?"
Buffy: "Uh-huh. Absolutely."
Anya: "A year and a half ago I could've eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler."
Spike: "You know, you take the killing for granted, and then it's gone and you're like, I wish I'd appreciated it more. Stopped and smelled the corpses you know?"
Anya: "Yeah. Now everything's so complicated."
Spike: "Terrible thing, love is. Been there myself. Ended badly."
Anya: "Of course it did. It always does. I've seen thousands of relationships. First there's the love and sex. Then there's nothing left but the vengeance. That's how it works."
Spike: "We should just go do the vengeance. Both of us. You go eviscerate Xander, I'll stake Dru. Like a project."
Anya: "I don't know... I just can't. You can go do Dru though."
Spike: "Yeah. I will. Maybe later."
Xander: "Um. Just, you know, impressing you with my knowledge of local histroy. Or my knowledge of reading."
Julie: "You didn't even have to sound anything out."
Xander: "You should see me add short columns of small numbers."
Willow: "Horses? Like, big, tall, teeth-that-could-take-your-arm-off horses?"
Tara: "Sure. I learned to ride when I was a kid. It's fun. And, by the way, most horses don't like arm very much."
Willow: "I had a bad birthday party pony thing when I was four. I look at horses, I just see really big ponies."
Spike: "Hey-I know these guys from somewhere."
Anya: "Initiative soldiers. They live here. The experiments happen in the lab under the house. That's where they kept you and put in your chip. Let's have fun."
Spike: "What are you doing? You brought me here?"
Xander: "Anya?! What are you doing? You brought him here?"
Spike: "That's what I said. Only I hit the 'here' part."
Xander: "Anya. This is crazy. We had a little fight, that just means we need to work our way through some stuff. It doesn't mean you rebound with the evil undead. And what have you been doing with him, anyway?"
Spike: "Oh, who's the puffed-up manly man? All multi-colored and possessive."
Anya: "It's not very convincing is it?"
Spike: "Yeah. I get now what you said about him earlier. No follow-through."
Xander: "Hey, what a surprise, HOSTILE SEVENTEEN! Can I get you a drink, HOSTILE SEVENTEEN!?"
Xander: "Anya, what are you doing with him."
Anya: "We didn't have sex, if that's what you mean. That's all I do now, not have sex."
Xander: "You're overreacting. We had a fight. But, see, that's okay. It's normal."
Anya: "Yes. It's part of the normal ending of a relationship right before the vengeance begins."
Xander: "Right. No. Vengeance?"
Anya: "Relax. I'm not going to do it. I'm just trying to tell you that we have nothing in common aside from both liking your penis. And now I don't even have that. So I get to say when it's done and it's done."
Xander: "Okay, you know what? You don't deserve to be the one to walk away from this. I've put up with a hell of a lot from you - much of it in the last minute - and if anyone gets go be the one to leave it's me."
Anya: "You're leaving me?"
Xander: "Yes. I am."
Anya: "Where are you going?"
Xander: "To enjoy the party."
Anya: "Then I'm staying too. To... to show you how much I'm not bothered by you having fun. Because... because I'll be having more fun."
Xander: "I'm having fun already!"
Anya: "Me too. Whoo-hoo!"
Willow: "Ghost boy, drowning in the tub. I tried to save him but, being a ghost already... well, I was way to late."
Willow: "Wait! We have to go back!"
Anya: "Why?"
Xander: "Because Buffy and Riley are trapped."
Anya: "So? She's the slayer, he's a big soldier boy. What do they need you for?"
Xander: "Look around, Anya. There's ghosts and shaking and people going all Felicity with their hair... We're fresh out of super-people and somebody's got to go back in there. Now who's with me?"
Spike: "I am. I know I'm not the first choice for heroics - and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once - and I don't fancy a single one of you all - but... Actually, that all sounds pretty convincing."
Tara: "Does he do this a lot?"
Xander: "Sure, every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange."
Willow: "Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him."
Giles: "And when you called to Buffy and Riley, they didn't cry out, or respond in any way?"
Anya: "No. They're prob'ly dead."
Xander: "Unless they were too busy doing it to answer."
Giles: "Doing what?"
Xander: "You know, for a god of acoustic rock you're kind of naive."
Giles: "Well I didn't think you meant - in the middle of all that, do you really think they'd be keeping it up? Oh, for a different phrasing..."
Mrs. Holt: "The girls fell to vanity more than the boys. I'd see them preening like Jezebel, doting over their pretty hair..."
Xander: "So you'd hack it off."
Mrs. Holt: "I'd remove the temptation to admire themselves. They were better for it."
Anya: "What good are weapons against disembodied spirits, Xander? They've got no ass to kick."
Willow: "Transform you pain. Release your past. And... uh... get over it."
Anya: "Shut up! Repressed crybabies."
Buffy: "Xander! Don't you knock?"
Willow: "Don't be too hard on yourself."
Buffy: "He's right, Will. If Riley and I hadn't gotten so... wrapped up in each other...none of this would have happened."
Anya: "True. Feel shame."
Xander: "My girlfriend - mistress of the learning plateau."
Willow: "Really, it wasn't your fault. You were under the influence of powerful Magicks."
Buffy: "We were like zombies. I had not control over myself at all."
Willow: "It must've been horrible."
Buffy: "Yes. Horrible."
Riley: "Uh huh."
Buffy: "Yeah."