The Freshman
Buffy: 'Introduction to the Modern Novel?' I'm guessing I'd probably have to read the modern novel.
Willow: Maybe more than one.
Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be 'nowned' first?
Willow: Yes, first there's the painful 'nowning' process.
Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Buffy: Uh, you know, I meant to then I just got really busy.
Buffy: I see you got ticketed too.
Willow: Yes! I've heard about five different issues and I'm angry about each and every one of them. What'd you get?
Buffy: Jello shots.
Willow: I didn't get Jello shots! I-I'll trade you for a-a 'Take back the night'.
Willow: It's just in High School, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon. You really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up -- you know? -- and letting this place thrust into and spurt knowledge into... That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in.
Buffy: I'm with you though, I'm all for spurty knowledge. It's just, a little overwhelming. Don't you feel it?
Willow: Well, I'm... Ooh, boyfriend! My on-campus boyfriend.
Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up. Line's probably really long there, too.
Oz: It's pretty much a madhouse, a madhouse.
Buffy: It's too bad Giles can't be librarian here. Be convienent.
Willow: Well, he says that he's enjoying being a gentleman of leisure.
Buffy: Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just british for unemployed?
Willow: Uh-huh, he's a slacker now.
Buffy: Speaking of slack, have you heard anything from Xander?
Willow: Not for awhile, he's still on his cross-country-see-America thing. He said he wasn't coming back until he had driven to all fifty states.
Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii?
Willow: Oh, he seemed so determined.
Buffy: Can't wait till mom gets the bill for these books, I hope it's a funny aneurysm.
Buffy: You know, this store discriminates against short people.
Willow: Oh, I think there's a protest next week.
Buffy: I'm so... the books were just too high, and then everything ws bad.
Riley: Let me give you a hand. Let's put a few of these down here. So, uh, are you girls taking Intro Psych, or do you just want me dead?
Buffy: Uh-huh. I mean the first one.
Riley: I'm sorry, I've forgotten my manners in all the concussion... I'm Riley.
Willow: Willow, and this is my friend Buffy.
Riley: It's nice to meet you both.
Buffy: I'm nice to meet.
Riley: I don't meet many freshmen that know that much about psychology.
Willow: Well, it's fascinating.
Buffy: Yeah, you know, cause everyone's got a brain... Or, almost everyone.
Kathy: You took the right side?
Buffy: Yeah, ummm, but if you want it...
Kathy: No, no. I just wanted to make sure that's what you wanted. Excited for classes tomorrow?
Buffy: Painfully.
Kathy: I am really glad they put me with somebody cool... I can tell that you're cool. I just know that this whole year is going to be superfun!
Eddie: Did you, uh, lose your way?
Buffy: Me? Oh, no, no, I'm just going to Fischer Hall. Which I know is on the Earth planet. Recently voted 'Most Pathetic'. Uh-huh.
Eddie: Hmmm, well, I'm lost and I have a map. So...
Buffy: Ooh, I come in second.
Eddie: Of Human Bondage. Have you ever read it?
Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn... I mean, I'm just... I'm trying to cut way back.
Eddie: There's no actual bondage, it's just a novel.
Sunday: I'm sorry... did you lose your way?
Fat Vamp: Does this sweater make me look fat?
Sunday: No, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple.
Spicoli Vamp: Big score for Klimt! Monet still well in the lead, but look out for team Klimt, coming from behind.
Sunday: Freshman! Man, they're so predictable.
Buffy: This is a bad time.
Giles: You keep saying that.
Buffy: Well it looks pretty bad! I think somone had just a little too much free time on their hands.
Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life?
Buffy: No! Cause you're very, very old, and it's gross.
Giles: Well, before I succumb to the ravages of age, why don't you tell me what brings you here.
Sunday: I'm... I'm Sunday, I'll be killing you here in a minute or so.
Buffy: You know that threat gets more frightening every time I hear it.
Spicoli Vamp: Uhh... are we gonna fight? Or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally?
Spicoli Vamp: Okay, but you gotta share the eatin. Cause I'm thinkin slayer's blood's gotta be -- Whoa! -- like Thai Stick.
Buffy: I thought people were supposed to get smarter in college?
Sunday: Yeah, I think you had a lot of misconceptions about college. Like that anyone would be caught dead wearing that.... Don't take this the wrong way, but... You fight like a girl.
Joyce: How's college? You've been fighting?
Buffy: Oh, uh, they started it.
Joyce: Just as long as you're being careful.
Buffy: If it's still my room, shouldn't I still be able to fit in it?
Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So, I endedup washing dishes at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club' for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or even spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college?
Buffy: Male strippers?
Xander: No power on this earth!
Buffy: Okay. College is good.
Xander: Okay, uh, once more with even less feeling.
Xander: Okay Buff, what's the what here?
Buffy: It's just, what if I can't cut it?
Xander: Can't cut what? Slaying?
Buffy: Slaying, everything.
Xander: Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. Fear leads to anger. Anger lead to hate. Hate leads to anger. No wait, hold on. Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side. Hold on, no, ummm, First you get the women, then you get the money, then you... okay can we forget that?
Buffy: Thanks for the Dadaist pep talk, I feel much more abstract now.
Xander: The point is, you're Buffy.
Buffy: Yeah, maybe in high school I was Buffy.
Xander: And now in college you're Betty Louise?
Buffy: Yeah, I'm Betty Louise Plotnick of East Cupcake, Illinois. Or I might as well be.
Xander: Buffy, I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life, faced some scary things, among them the kitchen at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club'. Let me tell you something, when it's dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think, 'What would Buffy do?' You're my hero. Okay, sometimes when it's dark and I'm all alone I think, 'What is Buffy wearing?'
Buffy: Can that be one of those things you never, ever, tell me about?
Xander: It's a deal. Let's put this bitch in the ground! What do you say?
Buffy: I think I say, thank you.
Xander: And nothing says thank you like dollars in the waistband.
Xander: I can't believe the vampires took your stuff. Murder I expect, but petty larceny seems so... petty.
Xander: You up for a little reconnaissance?
Buffy: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff?
Xander: No, that was the Renaissance.
Buffy: Oh. I've had a really long week.
Buffy: Oh! That's my skirt! You're never going to fit in it with those hips! We have to kill them!
Xander: We need weapons.
Buffy: I don't see my weapons trunk down there. It was right by my bed. Mr. Gordo? Go to my room. If it's not there try Willow's. I'll keep an eye... my diary?!?
Spicoli Vamp: Uh-oh, score!
Xander: I'll hurry!
Sunday: Say, don't I know you from... beating the crap out of you?
Willow: Buffy wouldn't just take off, th-that's not in her nature. Except for that one time whe disappeared for several months and changed her name, but there were circumstances then. There's no circumstances.
Kathy: Does Buffy have a history of emotional problems? Cause on my request form I was pretty specific about a stable non-smoker.
Willow: How can you be so calm?
Oz: Long arduous hours of practice.
Xander:"How are my guys?
* He hugs Willow, then Kathy *
Xander: I don't know you, do I?
Kathy: No.
Xander: This is very intrusive, isn't it?
Kathy: Little bit.
Xander: Do we hug?
Oz: I think we're too manly.
Spicoli Vamp: This is startin to suck.
Buffy: When you look back at this, in the three seconds it'll take you to turn to dust, I think you'll find the mistake was touching my stuff.
Giles: I've been awake all night. I know I'm supposed to teach you self-reliance, but I can't leave you out there to fight alone. To hell with what's right, I'm ready to back you up. Let's find the evil a-and fight it together.
Buffy: Great! Thanks! We'll get right on that.
Giles: The evil is this way?
Xander: So, college no so scary after all, huh?
Buffy: It's turning out to be a lot like high school, which I can handle. At least I know what to expect.