Living Conditions
Buffy: "Wow, this music is so... so..."
Kathy: "I know. This song is super fun. Isn't it?"
Buffy: "You bet. It just gets fun-er and fun-er every time you play it."
Kathy: "I figure, 'Stitch in time...'"
Buffy: "'...catches the worm.'"
Kathy: "Also... I noticed that some of my milk was missing. Did you..."
Buffy: "Oh! Yeah, actually, I did. I meant to..."
Kathy: "No! It's totally okay, I was just wondering."
Buffy: "Yeah, I-I-I was making my coffee and I just..."
Kathy: "Buffy, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure... that we didn't have a thief or something."
Buffy: "Like who? Sid the Wiley Dairy Gnome?"
Buffy: "Kathy's nice and all, but she's... she's sort of... I don't know, like, 'mini-mom of Momdonia'."
Willow: "Happy hunting."
Buffy: "Wish me monsters."
Buffy: "You run?"
Giles: "And jump. And bend. And, occasionally, frolic."
Giles: "What sort of demon?"
Buffy: "Umm, had a cloak on, and glowing green eyes, and skin had a, like, super-bad fake rub on tan."
Giles: "Translate?"
Buffy: "Orange-y?"
Giles: "Thank you. Anything else?"
Buffy: "My roommate Kathy was there, but she didn't see anything."
Giles: "You took your roommate patrolling with you?"
Buffy: "Well I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one that could make it. I told her I was going for coffee and she decided to tag along."
Buffy: "I know, it's probably just me having a bitch attack. But it's not... me."
Giles: "Buffy, living with somebody is never easy. Especially for an only child..."
Buffy: "Giles, listen to me, okay? When she sharpens her pencils she measures them with a ruler to make sure they're all the same size."
Giles: "Which is fussy, I agree, but everybody has their idiosyncrasies. You'd do well to learn to tolerate them."
Buffy: "Or I'll end up an old lady who can only live with cats?"
Giles: "Something like that."
Parker: "Ex-boyfriend? Or loan shark?"
Buffy: "Excuse me?"
Parker: "The person you're hiding from."
Buffy: "Oh... both. Ugly breakup."
Xander: "Hey, say hi to non-college guy."
Buffy: "Not that I mind, but don't non-college guys usually populate the non-campus?"
Willow: "So spill! What was that all about, with the cutie patootie?"
Buffy: "I don't know... nothing big, I think. Just random adorableness."
Xander: "Oh, a technique I know well. Hit the girl with your best shot, then hasta."
Oz: "Gotta respect the drive-by."
Xander: "Low rejection, fond memories."
Willow: "It looked like more than that to me. He got all googly-eyed."
Xander: "That's because he got hit by the Buffinator. Now he's powerless."
Buffy: "You think?"
Oz: "No question, he'll be back."
Xander: "So, what else is up with the Buff, any vamp action?"
Buffy: "I did get jumped by a demon of non-specific origin last night."
Xander: "Yeah? Something apocalypse-y? Do we need to assemble the Scooby gang?"
Buffy: "No, but thank you for asking."
Xander: "I just got way too excited, didn't I?"
Buffy: "You just need to get out of the basement a little more there, Xand."
Kathy: "Ewww! Who left their gum here?"
Buffy: "Gum gnome?"
Willow: "He's our grown-up friend. N-not in a creepy way."
Giles: "Nice to meet you, Kathy."
Buffy: "Cool, you guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to class."
Oz: "Which could also be construed as the brain thing."
Buffy: "Not when you're minoring in Napping 101."
Buffy: "...so Kathy's like, 'It's share time'. And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Share this!'"
* she punches the air *
Oz: "So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her."
Buffy: "Well I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?"
Oz: "Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy."
Buffy: "Hmmm, Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box and blown away by an imaginary wind and... and..."
Oz: "Forced to wear a binding unitard?"
Buffy: "Yeah, the itchy kind, it's perfect."
Oz: "Just here to help."
Oz: "On the plus side you've killed the bench, which was looking shifty."
Willow: "Buffy, this has to stop. I mean I-I get it, I have a sucky roomie, too. But you just have to deal."
Buffy: "You're right, I've been thinking a lot about this and it's clear to me now."
Willow: "Good, that's better."
Buffy: "Kathy's evil. I'm an evil fighter. It's simple... I'm gonna have to kill her."
Willow: "Toenails?"
Buffy: "Evil toenails. I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep."
Willow: "Good thinking, cause in the middle of the night those toenails could have attacked you and left little half-moon marks all over your body."
Willow: "Giles, I-I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. No, n-not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come to you. Kay?"
Xander: "Buffy, this hurts me more than it hurts you."
Buffy: "Not yet, but it will."
Xander: "Don't say that. Oh, PLEASE don't say that."
Buffy: "Yeah, something's amiss here, a 'Miss Kathy Newman'. Giles, ow, Giles look in my bag. Look in the bottom pocket of my bag. She has parts that grow after they're detached. She irons her jeans. She's evil. She has to be destroyed."
Giles: "I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her."
Buffy: "Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs."
Xander: "You think?"
Xander: "I don't know if I tightened the ropes enough."
Oz: "Then we'd better go over there and check em."
Xander: "Oh, dear god! Avoid the legs. Avoid the legs."
Buffy: "Nope, not tight enough."
Xander: "Oow... why couldn't Giles have shackles like any self respecting bachelor?"
Xander: "W-wait, are you saying that Buffy's been doing a Linda Blair on us because Kathy's been sucking her soul?"
Willow: "So Buffy was right all along. Later on, big remorse."
Student: "Do you mind? People are trying to study!"