Puppets: In our secret backyard we can make your day more fun and less hard no more frowning, let's get learning ABC's and 123's everything from words to weather.
Puppet Dog/Groofus: We'll discover them together. Woof!
Puppets: Time to strap your thinking cap on thinking things are going to happen...
Puppet Boy/Polo: Tommy, you should never break a promise. You don't wanna be a bad apple, do you? Come on. You know smile time isn't free. Now get over here and touch it!
Fred: I'm working under the assumption that this thing is mystical in nature.
Knox: Oh, why's that?... Right. Could be the Joker... From the comic books? Just trying to think outside the box.
Angel: Back for the Wolfram & Hart Ben-and-Breakfast?
Nina: Full moon cycle starts tonight, in... 38 minutes, actually. Had a little snag getting out of the house.
Angel: Haven't told your sister yet, huh?
Nina: It's not the sort of thing that's easy to jump to in conversation. 'Oh, by the way, Jill, I've been a werewolf for 4 months.' I told her I was going camping in the desert again. She's starting to worry I've turned into some new agey, moon-worshipping Wicca person.
Angel: Might be relieved to find out you're just a werewolf.
Harmony: Clerk's office called, said you filed the wrong papers.
Harmony: Yeah... Um, you sent them a motion for change of venue instead of a motion to dismiss. Unless you meant to do that. Some kind of tricky lawyer maneuvering you're trying to pull. That it?
Nina: I look forward to that - you... all month, actually.
Angel: Uh-huh. Um... I should probably close the cage.
Angel: Insurance thing.
Nina: Oh, right.
Angel: Okay, um... Bye.
Nina: Anyway, I was thinking... I mean... What are you doing for breakfast tomorrow?
Angel: Oh, you know - Drinking blood.
Nina: Right, yeah.
Wes: How did you respond?
Angel: Well... of course, I - ahem - ignored it completely, changed the subject, and locked her in a cage.
Angel: Wes, it wasn't just breakfast. You know, it was, uh... breakfast.
Wes: This isn't just from me. This comes from the people who know. This comes from the ladies.
Angel: The ladies?
Wes: Fred, Harmony... the girls in transcription... As Harmony put it, 'Why else would a chick who's coming to spend 3 nights in a jail cell dress like it's her first date?'
Angel: Oh, God... The ladies are right... Nina's down there right now, turning into a werewolf and liking me!
Wes: 99.999-ad infinitum of the best relationships in the recorded history of the world have had to make do with acceptable happiness.
Angel: Look, Wes-
Wes: Hiding behind your gypsy curse when there's a beautiful, engaging - all right, occasionally hirsute - young woman who actually wants you?
Angel: Wes, it's not gonna happen.
Angel: Because I'm not that guy. That guy is charming and funny and... emotionally useful. I'm the guy in a dark corner with the blood habit and the 200 years of psychic baggage.
Wes: Get over it!
Angel: Why are you yelling at me?
Wes: Because! Angel... if there's a woman out there... who you find truly attractive, who you think about, let's say, most of the time, who represents even part of why you think makes the world worth fighting for and who doesn't view you as an entirely sexless shoulder to lean on... you have to do something about it.
Angel: Who are we talking about here?
Fred: Hey, guys. I-I think I have a case.
Angel/Wes: Thank God!
Angel: I'll need to clear my schedule. These kids need help.
Fred: Wow... He really jumped on that one.
Wes: Yes, he is a bit jumpy. He's realized Nina has feelings for him.
Fred: Well, took long enough.
Wes: He can be rather dense.
TV Studio Door: Don't.
Man: You shouldn't... be here.
Puppet Angel: Huh?
Wes: Angel? Is that... you?
Fred: Oh, my God! Angel, you're... cute!
Puppet Angel: Fred, don't.
Fred: Oh, but the little hands! And the hair...
Puppet Angel: Hey! You're fired!
Lorne: Sorry I am late, gang. What's with the big... puppet?
Wes: Clearly some sort of hex... or a-a powerful warding magic.
Lorne: Maybe it's some type of puppet cancer.
Puppet Angel: I do not have puppet cancer! Come on, guys. This is a serious situation. I'm a puppet, and there's children's lives at... Hey, it's Smile Time!... Hmm... Stupid plastic piece of crap!... What?
Puppet Girl: That mean old Mr. Fish-and-Chips said that Polo won't win the race tomorrow, no matter how hard he tries.
Puppets: Self-esteem is for everybody
Self-esteem is for everybody
You can dream and be anybody
But self-esteem is how you get it done.
Puppet Angel: This is war!
Lorne: Angel, baby... Muppet, pumpkin...
Nina: Um... is there a reason why you won't look at me?
Puppet Angel: Cause I'm under my desk.
Spike: Look at you.
Puppet Angel: Just turn around and walk away.
Spike: You're a-
Puppet Angel: Spike!
Spike: You're a bloody puppet!... You're a wee, little puppet man! Ow!... Ow! Hey! That's enough... Angel, what the hell happened to you? You look ridiculous.
Puppet Angel: What are you people looking at? Well?
Spike: They're looking at the wee, little puppet man.
Puppet Angel: Stupid limey piece of crap!
Framkin: I could have some cocoa brought in. Extra yummy. Got those itty-bitty marshmallows?
Lorne: Ooh, those are good. Listen, Santa, you can keep your tempting beverages to yourself.
Gunn: You turned my boss into a frickin puppet!
Lorne: Well, a fight suits us just fine, Papa Smurf. We're gonna let the entire world know what you're up to.
Framkin: Up to? Gentlemen, I bring joy and laughter to children. You bring tax exemptions to nasty corporations, acquittals to the clearly guilty. Frankly, I doubt the world wants to hear from you.
Groofus Puppet: This Angel cat must've been the dude that broke into the 'Don't' room last night.
Ratio/Purple Puppet: Toot.
Groofus Puppet: That's what I'm saying. He messed with the nest egg.
Polo Puppet: Stupid jackass! Might as well walk into a nuclear reactor and lick the core! I mean, anything could've happened to him! To us, to... You just don't mess around with the nest egg!
Puppet Girl: Which is definitely gonna bite us in the ass.
Polo Puppet: Then we make sure our ass ain't there to bite.
Groofus Puppet: So tomorrow's gonna be a pretty big show, huh?
Polo Puppet: The bigest.
Groofus Puppet: Cool. Cause I've been workin on this great new song about the difference between analogy and metaphor?... Man!
Polo Puppet: Are you out of your mind?!
Groofus Puppet: Well, we want it to be good, don't we?
Polo Puppet: We eat babies lives!
Groofus Puppet: And uphold a certain standard of quality edu-tainment.
Polo Puppet: Screw edu-tainment! The life force we're pulling out of these snotnose kids is 100% pure innocence, dickwad! You have any idea of the street value that carries down in hell?
Ratio Puppet: Toot!
Polo Puppet: Damn right we're gonna be rich. Enough to build our very own Hades.
Groofus Puppet: Well, I gotta admit I like the sound of that.
Framkin: Please, let me...
Polo Puppet: Someone say you could join in?
Framkin: Let me die...
Polo Puppet: Are you sayin you wanna talk to the hand? Oh, I think he does. Come on, fat boy. Why don't you talk to the hand!
Nina: You've got this whole, complicated, important life going on, and... the last thing you need to deal with is a crush from monster gal, some charity case you were nice enough to-
Puppet Angel: Nina...
Puppet Angel: I was turned into a puppet last night.
Nina: I, uh... wow. Are you - are you okay?
Puppet Angel: I'm made of felt... And my nose comes off.
Nina: I don't know what to say.
Nina: I'd call it a little insane. But... what do you care what people think, anyway? Angel... you're you, you know? You're this - I mean, God, you're an actual hero, and, I don't know, this may sound cliche coming from an art-school chick, but... the vampire thing's kind of sexy.
Puppet Angel: It all sounds good, but that's not how I feel.
Nina: I know. That's what I like about you.
Puppet Angel: I'm not very good at any of this. I've spent so much time worrying about the past and the future and my very complicated life... it's been a while since I looked up and really saw what was going on around me. It's not my strong suit, you know? But I'm working on it. I'm paying better attention to - Aah! Ohh! No, Nina! Bad Nina! Yaah!
Lorne: My little prince! Ohh... what did they do to you?
Puppet Angel: Nina... tried to... eat me.
Lorne: Medic!... You're gonna make it, Angel. Just don't stop fighting... Doctor! Is there a Geppetto in the house?!
Doctor: Oh, acute 'Flowers for Algernon' syndrome. It must be sheer torture.
Gunn: I can't lose this. This power, these skills, they've - they've changed me, given me...
Doctor: Meaning? And to have it taken away, it's... heartbreaking. Though I do think Cliff Robertson captured the poignance of it more elegantly.
Gunn: I'm not going back to who I was.
Wes: It could be the lack of sleep talking, but... I'm really starting to like this show.
Wes: That's not how magic works, Knox.
Knox: Really... Merlin? Then how does magic work?
Fred: So that's how he's been hiding it.
Wes: No. That's how he was hiding it.
Angel Puppet: Stupid fingers... Stupid string!
Wes: The object you described in that secret room is most likely a repository for the children's life force. We'll have to break the binding magic on it.
Fred: Which should free those children and... reverse your puppet problem.
Angel Puppet: I love you guys!
Gunn: Framkin's not doing this. It's the puppets. They're demons. The show is possessed. 'Smile Time's' ratings hit an all time low last year. Framkin made a deal with some devils to bring it back to number one.
Wes: You sure of that?
Gunn: Dead sure. Every contract signed with the lower planes is filed in the Library of Demonic Congress. You just gotta know where to look. Pretty tricky legalese, too. Framkin must have missed some of the fine print.
Angel Puppet: Which allowed them to take over everything.
Gunn: Including Framkin. These devils have a fairly distinctive M.O.
Fred: They've done this before?
Gunn: You see that last few seasons of 'Happy Days'? Point is - you wanna take out 'Smile Time', take out the puppets.
Angel: Well, then... Let's take out some puppets.
Polo Puppet: After all, it's Smile Time!
Angel Puppet: No, it's not... it's time to kick your ass all the way back to hell!
Polo Puppet: You!
Groofus Puppet: Hey, man! You're ruinin the show!
Ration Puppet: Toot!
Gunn: We're working on it.
Polo Puppet: I'm gonna tear you a new puppet hole, bitch! So... you got a little demon in you.
Angel Puppet: I got a lot of demon in me... Now, come on!
Girl's Mom: Anna, what's going on in there?
Girl: Nothing. Just watching TV.
Nina: Oh, my God. I ate him.
Fred: Haven't you been... sensing anything lately... about me... coming from me? Uh... didn't occur to you that... something might have changed? That - I'm looking at you in a different - Oh, screw it...
* she kisses him *
Fred: That was a signal. Okay? Is that... clear enough for you?
Wes: Not even close.