The Girl in Question
Gunn: We need to act on this now.
Angel: Not without a full risk analysis. We don't want to be rushing into this thing half-cocked.
Gunn: As opposed to the full-cock that's been working so well for us?
Angel: You got something you want to say?
Gunn: Just don't wanna lose another baby with the bath water... boss.
Angel: Fine. We'll send Spike.
Spike: Bugger that. Do it yourself.
Gunn: Spike, this is a delicate matter that needs to be handled with a lot of finesse... And why the hell are we talkin to him?
Angel: Because he signed on to help.
Spike: I don't even speak the language.
Angel: We'll get you a book... Yeah?
Spike: How do you say 'wank off' in Italian?
Spike: All right, what is it this time? Uber-vamps? Demon gods? Devil robots?
Angel: It's Buffy.
Angel: I said I'll take care of it.
Gunn: Take care of what?
Spike: Is Buffy all right?
Anegl: She will be when I get there.
Spike: What happened? What happened?!
Angel: The Immortal.
Gunn: The who?
Spike: The foulest evil hell ever vomited forth.
Harmony: Worse than you?
Spike: You really think we could take him?
Angel: Whoa, whoa. What do you mean, 'we'?
Spike: What? You don't think I'm gonna let you traipse off to Italy without me, do you?
Angel: You don't speak the language.
Spike: I'll get a book.
Angel: Spike, you're only gonna make things worse.
Spike: Look, we get the Capo's body, we rescue Buffy, we stop the Immortal. It's that simple. Unless he kills you, which would be sad.
Angel: Just admit it: You think you're gonna ride in, save the day, and sweep Buffy off of her-
Spike: Like you're not thinking the same thing.
Spike: I just wanna see you happy... Well, not too happy, cause then I'd have to stake ya... Second thought, have at it.
Spike: About Buffy. How did you know she was in trouble?
Angel: I got word.
Spike: From who?
Angel: A source.
Spike: You've been spying on her?!
Angel: I just wanted to make sure she was all right.
Spike: Sending your lackeys to do your stalking for you. That is really pathetic.
Angel: Remember the last time we were in Italy?
Spike: Like it was yesterday.
**Flashback**
Spike: Ciao.
Italian Woman: Ciao.
Drusilla: Ciao.
Italian Woman: Ciao.
Spike: Ciao.
**End Flashback**
Angel: Wait a minute. I wasn't in Italy in the fifties.
Spike: Oh, right. Guess you weren't. Really missed out.
Angel: Guess so Sounds a lot better than when I remember it.
Spike: He doesn't know who he's dealing with.
Angelus: Well, he's about to find out... Aagh!
Spike: He's gonna curse the day he ever crossed purpose with Angelus.
Angelus: And William the Bloody.
Spike: We'll see just how immortal he is when we're done with him.
Angelus: We'll carve him up like a Sunday roast and make him watch as we feast on his steaming flesh... Yaaaagh! Aah! Unh!... How you doin?
Spike: Bugger.
Angelus: Bit over the top there, are ya?
Angelus: This is our city. We were here first.
Man: No, actually, he was. 300 years ago.
Angelus: Go ahead. Take your best shot. I'll snatch your little wee sticks out of the air and spend the next fortnight shoving em slowly up your arse.
Spike: Can you really do that?
Angelus: The arrow thing? I don't know. Never tried... Aw! Look what he did to me shirt!
Illyria: I can no longer hear the song of the green.
Lorne: You think that includes me?
Illyria: I go because it suits me.
Lorne: Whew. Ah, so bad that whirly-jig thing didn't suck the sass out of her.
Andrew: What are you doing here?
Angel: About to ask you the same question, Andrew.
Andrew: Buffy and Dawn are letting me crash. My casa was incinerated when that thing happened.
Spike: What thing?
Andrew: Cultural misunderstanding... Let us speak of more pleasant times.
Angel: When did she leave?
Andrew: Just missed her>
Spike: Then we're not too late.
Angel: Of course, it could be worse.
Andrew: You're telling me. Most nights they never leave the house, just curl up on the couch and snuggle.
Angel: There's snuggling?
Andrew: For starters>
Spike: Well, that cheeky bastard. Had us tossed and then violates your woman.
Angelus: Did he hurt ya?
Darla: Not until I asked him to. Oh, com on. Have you seen him? With the eyes and the chest and the... immortality.
Spike: We're immortal.
Darla: Not like him. I mean, he's not some common vampire. He's - I don't know what he is. A giant. A titan straddling good and evil, serving no master but his own considerable desires.
Darla: It was just fornication... Really great fornication.
Spike: She's glowing, mate>
Angelus: She isn't.
Darla: Little bit.
Spike: Drusilla, you - you let him touch you?
Drusilla: He felt like sunshine.
Angelus: Violate our women!
Spike: Violate in sucession!
Darla: Concurretnly.
Angelus: Concurrently?... You never let us do that.
Darla: Come on, Dru. Let's have a bath so the boys can weep in private.
Drusilla: Will you hold me under the water?
Darla: If you wish>
Angelus: He mocks us at every turn.
Spike: Yeah, the man has no sense of indecency. You remember Frankfurt? He hatches the Rathruhn egg personally and just decides to give those nuns safe passage.
Angelus: Those were my nuns!
Spike: Yeah. Nuns are your thing. Everybody knows that. They respect it. They respect us.
Angel: She'd never fall for a centuries-old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil>
Spike: She's under some kind of spell.
Angel: I was just thinking that.
Angel: Is Buffy home yet?
Andrew: You guys, it's only 8:30.
Roger: So where is that prodigal daughter - out saving the world with that nice Angel fella?
Angel: Dancing. Why'd it have to be dancing?
Angel: Oh, yeah, here it comes. The part where you run off alone and play the big hero so Buffy'll take you back. Well, newsflash, blondie bear: Never gonna happen.
Spike: Look! I know I don't have a shot with her, all right? Probably never did, but I still care about her, and I'm not gonna let her end up with a jerk like the Immortal. Or you.
Angel: Hey, ours is a forever love.
Spike: I had a relationship with her, too.
Angel: Okay, sleeping together is not a relationship.
Spike: It is if you do it enough times.
Angel: What the hell are you doing?
Spike: I was confused, ya git! It's very loud in here.
Spike: Hop on, little mama.
Angel: I'm not riding on the back.
Spike: Stop holding on so tight.
Spike: Well, it's gone now, isn't it? You gonna stand here in the strada yelling at me all night?
Angel: Did you just say strada?
Spike: It means street.
Angel: Yeah. I know what it means.
Spike: It's him. The Immortal. This is what he does. Every time he show up, I either lose my girl, get beaten by an angry mob, or get thrown in prison for tax evasion. Long story.
Spike: If this was LA, we'd have him hog-tied by now.
Angel: If we had our resources, if we had our team, if we had our helicopters or - he's be in a world of-
Spike: Hang on. Doesn't Wolfram & Hart have an office here in Rome?
Ilona: Ciao! Benvenuti! Welcome! Ah, Spike... Ha ha ha. Oh! You are the very meaning of handsome. You take my breath away. Ah, I have no breath. Ha ha ha!... And you, what an honor. The great Angelus.
Angel: Actually, it's just Angel.
Ilona: Ah, yes, of course. The gypsies, they gave you your soul. The gypsies are filthy people!... And we shall speak of them no more.
Wes: Things have been a bit hectic these last couple... years.
Trish: Well, I want to hear absolutely everything, but most importantly, have you gat a young lady in your life?
Fred: Mom!
Trish: What? I was just asking. Well, can I help it if there's a perfect gentleman hiding in plain sight of my single daughter?
Fred: Dad, make her stop.
Wes: What the hell are you doing?
Fred: Visiting with my folks.
Wes: Illyria-
Illyria as Fred: Your grief hangs off you like rotted flesh. I couldn't tolerate it from them as well. I thought this would be more convenient.
Wes: How's it possible?
Illyria as Fred: It's a simple modulation of my form. I appear as I choose... Do you wish me to stop?
Trish: Sweetie, you have got to do a better job decorating. This office is as bare as a bone.
Ilona: Please, make yourselves as though you were at home. Your problems, they are no more. You have no more problems. What are your problems?
Angel: Our friend, she's under some sort of spell...
Spike: Cast by the vilest wretch this side of Mount Everest. Which... I'm told he has climbed... several times.
Angel: It's a love spell, and we-
Ilona: It's doubtful. The Immortal doesn't use spells. He considers them dirty. Dirty tricks for dirty people. Like gypsies... We will speak of them no more.
Ilona: The two of you are so precious. But no! This is a civilized country. We do these things all the time. Somebody gets kidnapped, somebody pays the money. Everybody goes home happy. Grazie. Prego. Kiss-kiss.
Angel: I helped saved the world, you know.
Spike: Like I haven't.
Angel: Yeah, but I've done it a lot more.
Spike: Oh, please.
Angel: I closed the hellmouth.
Spike: I've done that.
Angel: Yeah, you wore a necklace. You know, I helped kill the mayor and, uh, and Jasmine and-
Spike: Do those really count as savin the world?
Angel: I stopped Acathla. That saved the world.
Spike: Buffy ran you through with a sword.
Angel: Yeah, but I made her do it. I signaled her with my eyes.
Spike: She killed you. I helped her! That one counts as mine.
Angel: My point is I'm better than this. Okay? We're better than this. What the hell could Buffy see in him?
Demon Butler: Perhaps she likes the cut of his trousers.
Trish: Ohhh. I miss you already, and we haven't even gone yet... You sure you're okay? You seem different somehow.
Roger: Oh, she's just growin up, mother. Let her go.
Wes: Did you get what you needed from that experience?
Illyria as Fred: Yes. It was most informative.
Wes: Good. Don't ever do it again.
Demon Butler: You must be so lonely. Your girlfriend has become lovers with the Immortal. How unfortunate for you. And how fortunate for her.
Spike: Been his plan all along. Steal our head, keep us busy, and traipse off with my girl... Our girl.
Angel: It's a setup. You're just his lackey.
Demon Butler: I should be so lucky. The Immortal does not need men like me to do his business. He is a wild card, a wolf removed from the pack, a stallion without, uh, the bridal.
Spike: What, are you in love with him?
Demon Butler: No, no, no, no. Well, okay, yes. But if anything, he's more of a, uh, inspiration, a spiritual guide.
Angel: I'm gettin a little tired of Italy.
Spike: Know what you mean.
Demon Butler: Oh, look. The Americans are relying on violence to solve their problems. What a surprise.
Demon Butler: We are not animals. We are Italiano. You give us the money, we give you the head. You give us the money, we give you the head. The money, the head. The money-
Angel: Yeah. We get it.
Spike: Civilized country? Look what that squeaker did to my jacket.
Angel: After everything we've been through, you're pissed about a jacket.
Spike: No, not a jacket. My jacket. You have no idea what I went through to get this.
Angel: You stripped it off a body of a dead slayer.
Spike: Well, which gives it great sentimental value. Besides, I've been wearin it for over 30 years. It's like a part of me.
Angel: Get over it. Buy a new one.
Ilona: No grazie, prego, kiss-kiss?
Angel: Grazie, prego, ka-boom.
Ilona: Ohh! Oh, they always do this to first-timers in this country. Did I not mention that?
Ilona: I love the two of you so much, but brute force will only get your precious head smooshed. You have done such fine quality work. No, please, relax. Let us handle it from here. Sometimes you have to put your fate in a higher power.
Angel: We're heroes. We don't need any higher power.
Ilona: I'll be in touch.
Angel: We make our own fate. We don't need anybody cleaning up our mess. You know, we're champions! Got this under control. You know, we're just gonna - We're - Should we just go home?
Spike: Oh, God, yes.
Angel: Could it be mind control?
Spike: Or a love potion? Did she drink a love potion?
Andrew: Dude, seriously, I thought of all those things, but turns out Buffy fell for the Immortal on her own, and - and now she's happy. That's it.
Angel: But she's not finished baking yet... I gotta wait till she's done baking, you know, till she finds herself, cause that's the drill. Fine. I'm waiting patiently, and meanwhile, The Immortal's eatin cookie dough!
Andrew: Uh, Spike, is Angel crying?
Spike: No!... Not yet.
Andrew: May want to hold the waterworks, big guy. The Immortal's cool and all but he ain't all that. He's got his flaws.
Angel: Really?
Spike: Wh-what are they?
Andrew: Ohhh. The point is she's moving on. You guys do the same, and you might catch her one day. One of you, anyway. But you keep running in place, you're gonna find she's long gone.
Spike: It is a bit silly. Us... chasin around like a couple of henpecked teenagers.
Andrew: Buffy loves both of you, but she's gotta live her life. People change. You guys should try it sometime.
Illyria as Fred: Wes? Are you, like... mad at me or something?
Wes: Stop it.
Illyria as Fred: Isn't it what you desire? I mean... you love me, I love you. What's the big deal?
Wes: I loved her.
Illyria as Fred: Yo uloved this. And part of you still does. I can feel it in you. I... wish to explore it further.
Wes: Never. You... like this. It sickens me.
Illyria as Fred: Oh, lord. We both know that ain't true.
Angel: 'With regards, The Immortal.' You know, I really hate that guy!
Spike: What's Buffy thinking? H-honestly?
Angel: She doesn't exactly have the best taste in men. Case in point.
Spike: H-hey! I think I turned out all right.
Angel: Yeah. Once she was through with you.
Spike: Can't we just... lock her away in a box where no one can ever touch her? You know? Like we did with Pavayne?
Angel: I don't think she'd let us. Uh, she's pretty strong.
Spike: We could do a spell. Some sort of mind control.
Angel: Oh, she'd figure it out. You know, she's pretty smart.
Spike: Yeah... So, what? We just have to live with it Get on with our lives?
Angel: Fraid so.
Spike: Fine... No problem. I was plannin on doin that anyway.
Angel: Yeah, me, too.
Spike: Actually, I'm doin it right now. As we speak, I'm movin on.
Angel: Movin on.
Spike: Oh, yeah.
Angel: Right now.
Spike: Movin.