The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
Gurad: Henderson here. Mystery solved.
CB Voice: What happened?
Gurad: Found a crazy plumber.
Lorne: Hey, Fred, sweetie, you're sorta like a woman.
Fred: Oh, that's... not a compliment.
Fred: And I'm a lot like a woman.
Lorne: Oh, you're all woman. You're everywoman. You're Wonder Woman!
Fred: Damn straight.
Angel: Is that blood?
Gunn: Yeah, but it' s okay. It's yours.
Angel: Huh... And how is that okay?
Gunn: Demon law requires blood signatures on all legal documents.
Gunn: You know, for the first time in my life, I can't wait to get to work in the morning. You've always had your special powers. Now I have mine.
Spike: Isn't that special! We all have special powers. Anybody wanna trade? I'll swap ya two for one. Walking through walls, picking up mugs... in exchange for... I don't know, how about me not being dead?
Angel: How about you not being here?
Spike: If wishes were horses...
Angel: I know, I'm just... I don't know, just feeling a bit...
Spike: Squishy?
Angel: Disconnected.
Wes: What happened?
Angel: The mail guy threw me.
Gunn: What?!
Spike: Number 5?!... He did this? Isn't he like 100 years old?
Angel: Kinda hard to tell with the mask.
Gunn: Angel was attacked. Lock it down. No. One of ours. The mail guy, number 5.
Wes: Why did he attack you?
Angel: I was trying to give him the mail?
Lorne: Oh, this must've been one major smackdown.
Angel: There was no smacking.
Lorne: That's not the hubbub I'm hearing, honeybuns. Word on the web has you sucker-punching Grandpa Moses.
Angel: The web?
Lorne: Don't sweat it, sweetie pie. I've got my flak catcher spinning this into PR gold. Once the word spreads you beat up an innocent old man, well, the truly terrible will think twice before going toe to toe with our avenging Angel.
Spike: Yes. The geriatric community will be soiling their nappies when they hear you're on the case... Bravo.
Angel: I didn't beat anybody up, okay? So let's just focus on what's important, like Wes' bodies.
Fred: Wesley has bodies?
Gunn: Someone found 3 bodies.
Wes: 4. Another one was just found in a church after an All Soul's mass.
Angel: All souls?
Wes: Prayers for the departed.
Spike: You should know that, being departed and all.
Wes: Tonight was a special service. It's the Mexican day of the dead.
Gunn: Still not sure why blondie ghost tagged along.
Spike: Not much choice really, is there? Can't drink, smoke, diddle my willy. Doesn't leave much to do other than watch you blokes stumble around playing Agatha Christie.
Wes: Yeah, remind me again how you ended up in the front seat.
Spike: Called shotgun, mate.
Wes: Oh. I thought we were doing a weapons check.
Spike: Always was a bit of a drama queen.
Gunn: Notice no matter how uptown we go, we always wind up in some stanky hole in the middle of the night?
Fred: If you're trying to find out what this thing's made of, it's gonna take a while.
Spike: Couldn't care less. I'm just trying to put as much distance between myself and general grumpypants as my ghost leash allows.
Fred: He just gets like that sometimes. Not easy being a champion. You know that.
Spike: Really don't.
Fred: Come on. You saved the world, sacrificed yourself, closed a hellmouth.
Spike: Didn't do much, really. I just stood there... let the fire come. Nothin real heroic about that.
Fred: Well, you did save my life.
Spike: Well, when you say it like that...
Spike: You know, the prophecy that says that Angel gets to be a real boy again.
Wes: Shanshu prophecy, yes. Uh, though it's a bit more complicated than that.
Spike: Complicated.
Wes: It tells of an epic, apocalyptic battle and a vampier with a soul who plays a major role in that battle. And there's the suggestion that the vampire will get to live again.
Spike: When you say, 'plays a major role in an apocalyptic battle,' you mean like, um... heroically closing a hellmouth that was about to destroy the world?
Wes: The text isn't specific about the battle.
Spike: But it's specific about the name of the vampire with a soul.
Wes: No, I imagine it could be any vampire with a soul... who isn't a ghost.
Spike: It's a bunch of nonsense. It's a bedtime story to get vampires to play nice.
Wes: Says you.
Spike: No, says Angel.
Wes: According to this, Tezcatcatl rose in the same place, East Los Angeles, killed over a dozen people before it was finally defeated.
Angel: Defeated?
Wes: Yes, by 5 heroes. Brothers. They were the champions of that time.
Angel: They destroyed the demon?
Wes: Yes, but at quite a price. The brothers were all killed. All but one.
Number 5: Perhaps I wasn't clear in our last conversation.
Angel: What conversation? You threw me through a window.
Number 5: I heard you speaking. You were going to drag me into your quest for the Aztec demon.
Angel: No, I wasn't. I was gonna give you some mail.
Number 5: Oh. Sorry.
Angel: Now I'm dragging you back in.
Angel: Wearing that mask doesn't exactly hide your past.
Number 5: It reminds me that only a fool would want to be a champion.
Angel: Fool? Is that what you think of your brothers?
Number 5: Never disrespect the memory of my brothers. They were honorable men... luchadores. Mexican wrestlers. The greatest that ever lived. Together we were known as Los Hermanos Numeros.
Angel: The number brothers? Huh... Boy, you guys had no problem getting past the whole irony thing now, did you?
Number 5: It was a different time. One that no longer exists.
Number 5: The five of us were always joined, always connected. And when necessary, we came together as a fist. We fought monsters and gangsters. Vampiros. We were heroes. We protected the weak... and we helped the helpless.
Number 5: Surely you have heard about our great victory over the devil's robot?
Angel: Sorry.
Number 5: Nobody remembers the good stuff.
Number 5: Every year on El Dia de Los Muertos, I prepare this altar for them. And every year, they never come, never visit. Because I am not worthy. But it does not matter anymore. Not after this year. I should have died with my brothers.
Angel: But you didn't. You got stuck with the hard part, the carrying on. No wonder your brother's spirits never come to visit. Listen to yourself. You've quit. Tell me: Why'd you stop caring?
Number 5: It was not hard.
Wes: I'd forgotten that Aztec culture was so violent.
Gunn: Yeah, cause our culture's so at peace.
Wes: All right, but by and large, we don't eat our victims.
Gunn: It's taking the hearts of heroes.
Angel: The reason why I know this Aztec demon is not eating the hearts of heroes is... he didn't take mine.
Angel: The prophecies are nonsense. You know that. On, come on, Wes, after everything we've seen the past couple of years? 'The father will kill the son'.
Wes: What are you talking about?
Wes: Hope: It's the one thing that will sustain you, that will keep you from ending up like Number 5.
Angel: Won't work, you know. You want the Aztec warrior to come, to kill you so you can be with your brothers, but... he won't.
Number 5: You are one strange man, Sor Angel.
Angel: I'm not the one is a mask standing in a cemetery in the middle of the night.
Number 5: No. But you will be.
Number 5: Mis hermanos, they came back.
Angel: Because you're worthy. You proved it.
Number 5: Maybe. But still the demon did not want my heart.
Angel: He didn't want mine, either.
Number 5: I may not be a hero, but I am not a fool.
Fred: So number 5, he jumped in and helped at the end?
Angel: He died a hero.