Xander: "You ever have the feeling where there's something you know you're supposed to do and you forgot what it was?"
Xander: "I've been having that feeling, I just realized what it was. Like three weeks ago Riley asked me to borrow a crescent wrench. I keep having this feeling like I'm supposed to give it to him."
Anya: "Well, that's not going to happen unless he comes back. You know, not to get the crescent wrench. Just to come back."
Xander: "I just mean, sometimes I sort of forget that he's gone. It's like, where's Riley? Oh wait, the central republic of Where-in-the-hell."
Anya: "Xander? If you ever decide to go, I want a warning. You know, big flashing red lights, and-and-and one of those clocks that counts down like a bomb in a movie? And there's a whole bunch of, of colored wires, and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess, the green one, and then at teh last second 'No! The red one!' and then click, it stops with three-tenths of a second left, but then you don't leave. Like that, okay?"
Xander: "Check. Big bomb clock."
Anya: "Hmmm. Humans make the same mistakes over and over. I saw it when I was a vengeance demon. Some guy dumps a girl, she calls me, I exact vengeance, blah, blah, blah, the next year, same girl, different guy. I mean, after you smite a few of em you start going 'my goodness, young lady... maybe you're doing something wrong here too'."
Buffy: "So, um, a-about being a nun... you know, um, with the whole... abjuring the company of men... you know, how's that working for you? The... abjuring."
Nun: "Um... good."
Buffy: "Yeah, do you, do you have to be like super religious?"
Nun: "Well, uh..."
Buffy: "How's the food?"
Buffy: "Don't talk about the books again. You get all... and sometimes there's drool."
Buffy: "It's just I trust these Watchers about as far as... you could throw them."
Giles: "Thank you very much."
Buffy: "It's okay. You can say his name. I'm doing all right. These things happen. People break up and they move on... for a while it feels like the end of the world, you know, but... big picture..."
Giles: "Not so huge."
Buffy: "Not so huge? I just said it feels like the end of the world, don't you listen? I'm teasing."
Buffy: "Sort of. I'll be okay."
Tara: "I'm envious, Mr. Giles. A trip to England sounds so exciting and exotic. Un... less you're English."
Willow: "We can come by between classes! Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens... but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane."
Tara: "I said 'quirky'."
Anya: "I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and, and bribe him with money and goods."
Xander: "See there? She'll be great."
Xander: "So, how goes the slaying?"
Buffy: "I killed something in a convent last night."
Xander: "In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction. Tell us all about the killing, Buff."
Buffy: "Pretty standard. Vampire staking. Ooh! But I met a nun, and she let me try on her wimple."
Xander: "Okay, now we're back to frightening."
Dawn: "Whatcha doin?"
Buffy: "Playing soccer."
Dawn: "Can I hang out in here?"
Buffy: "Don't touch anything."
Dawn: "I was just starting to kinda like the guy, and then... gone. So fast."
Spike: "Oh, I'll insult him if I want to! I'm the one who's on your side! Me! Doing you a favor! And you, being dead petty about it - me, getting nothing but your hatred and your venom and - you ungrateful bitch!"
* hits mannequin with box of chocolates *
* hits mannequin again, composes self *
Spike: "Buffy... there's something I wanted to tell you."
Willow: "You're the fish!"
Willow: "The, the fish in the bowl, in The Cat in the Hat. He was always saying that the cat shouldn't be there while the mother was out."
Anya: "What are you talking about?"
Tara: "It's a book. This cat does all this mischief."
Willow: "It's so cute. He balances a bunch of stuff, including that fish in the bowl! A-and, but don't try it for real when you're six, because then you're not allowed to have fish for five years."
Anya: "You're referencing literature I have no way to be familiar with. You're trying to make me feel left out, and you're stealing!"
Willow: "I'm not stealing. I-I'm just taking things without paying for th... In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?"
Anya: "Oh. Oh! I know what this is! This is peer pressure! Any second now you're gonna make me smoke tobacco and, and have drugs."
Willow: "Look how easy."
Tara: "You really shouldn't pull him into this."
Xander: "Yeah, see? Tara's with me."
* stands behind Tara *
Xander: "Protect me Tara."
Anya: "Money. Did you hurt the money? Money good? She endangered the money!"
Willow: "Of course, that's what she cares about. 'I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services'."
Anya: "Xander, she's pretending to be me!"
Willow: "He's not a ball of sunshine."
Buffy: "The professor spit too much when he talked. It was like being at Sea World. 'The first five rows will get wet'."
Tara: "That was just, you know, um, enthusiam."
Buffy: "It seemed very much like saliva."
Tara: "Willow says that things always happen for a reason."
Buffy: "But you ever notice people only say that about bad things?"
Buffy: "He left? Xander left Anya?"
Tara: "Ummm... no, not 'left her' left her, he just left. It was only a little thing, it-"
Buffy: "Little thing? See, the thing is, the... little things get bigger, you know, and, and, and, and, if you don't catch the little thing and then, boom! You have this, this, this whole huge thing!"
Tara: "Oh dear."
Buffy: "Not, not, not them with the little things! They can't break up!"
Tara: "Oh, I think-"
Buffy: "They have a beautiful love."
Tara: "I think they'll be fine."
Buffy: "They have a miraculous love!"
Buffy: "A miraculous love!"
Anya: "Well, I don't know how to put the top up, I only just figured out what the left pedal does. It makes us stop!"
Willow: "You don't know how to drive? Why didn't you say you don't know how to drive?"
Anya: "Well, I couldn't know if I could until I tried, could I?"
Willow: "This is very, very bad. There, there's an ogre on the loose-"
Anya: "Troll on the loose. Now hold on, I'm gonna press the right pedal harder. I expect us to accelerate."
Willow: "There's a troll on the loose, and you're gonna crash Giles' car!"
Anya: "It's likely. We're going very fast."
Xander: "Spike, don't let me stop you from not being here."
Spike: "I was here first, you know."
Xander: "Uh-huh. Go away."
Spike: "Now why would I do that, when it's bugging you so much having me here? They have chicken wings too. Also a sort of a flower-shaped thing they make from an onion. It's brilliant."
Xander: "Are you talking to me hoping that I'll get so depressed that I'll impale myself on a fork right in front of you?"
Spike: "Lovely thougt. If I don't hurt you myself, the chip wouldn't zap me. I could eat you that way. Beat the onion thing all to hell."
Spike: "Lot of people never really got Dru, you know."
Xander: "Well, she was insane."
Spike: "She's a little... preoccupied, maybe. It's understandable what with all the upset, and the blaming of innocent bystanders who got caught up in the mess."
Spike: "I mean, did she want to be made a fool of? And, what does a person have to do to make it right?"
* Olaf walks past, bumping Spike's shoulder *
Spike: "Hey, watch it, mate. On second thought, do what you like."
Anya: "Xander! You shouldn't be here. There's a troll."
Xander: "Uh, a big guy? Hammer? I think I noticed him."
Willow: "I wish Buffy was here."
Buffy: "I'm here."
Willow: "I wish I had a million dollars. Just checking."
Olaf: "You... told the witch to do that, Anyanka. You seem determined to put an end to all my fun. Just like you always did when we were dating!"
Anya: "Uh, um..."
Xander: "You dated him?"
Buffy: "You dated a troll?"
Willow: "And we're what, surprised by this?"
Anya: "Well, he wasn't a troll then! You know, he was just a big dumb guy, and... well, you know, he cheated on me and I made him into a troll, which by the way is... how I got the... job as a vengeance demon."
Olaf: "I did not cheat! Not in my heart. It was only one wench! I-I, had had a great deal of mead! Next thing I know, I'm a troll! Ohh... ohh... you did this, Anyanka. You will die for this."
Xander: "But, but you seem to enjoy the, the being a troll."
Olaf: "I adjusted."
Buffy: "You want credit for not feeding on bleeding disaster victims?"
Spike: "Well, yeah."
Buffy: "You're disgusting."
Spike: "What's it take?"
Willow: "You're so rude! I mean, sure, at first, ex-demon, doesn't know the rules. Well, you been here forever. Learn the rules."
Anya: "Rules are stupid."
Anya: "Is this the spell?"
Willow: "Only if you want him to double in size, and grow extra arms, which... let's not."
Anya: "I know what broke up him and Cordelia, you know. It was you! And your lips!"
Willow: "No it was not! Well, yes it was so, but... that was a long time ago. Do you think I'd do that again?"
Anya: "Why not?"
Willow: "Well, hello, gay now."
Xander: "No. You are one crazy troll, I... I'm not choosing between my girlfriend and my best friend. That's insane troll logic."
Anya: "Go Xander. I love you."
Anya: "How can I help?"
Willow: "Uh, distract him from Buffy, uh, piss him off."
Anya: "I don't know how."
Willow: "Anya, I have faith in you. There is no one you cannot piss off."
Anya: "Hey Olaf! You're as inadequate a troll as you were a boyfriend! Uh, y-you're hairy, and unattractive, and even women trolls are put off by your various odors. Your menacing stance is merely alarming! And your roar is less than full-throated!"
Olaf: "Desist! My god, woman, it's been a thousand years, and yet you are as aggravating and emasculating as ever you were."
Buffy: "So. Your power's in your hammer?"
Anya: "Oh, yeah! I forgot he still has all that troll strength."
Buffy: "Where did you send him?"
Anya: "The land of the trolls. He'll like it there. Full of trolls."
Willow: "It's hard to be precise, though. Alternate universes don't stay put. Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like... like... trying to hit a... puppy, by throwing a live bee at it. Which is a weird image, and you should all just forget it."
Anya: "It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday... or the crazy melty land... or, you know, the world without shrimp."
Tara: "There's a world without shrimp? I'm allergic."
Willow: "He, he's probably in troll land."
Buffy: "I only care that he's not here, and I got this nifty souvenir. Oops."