Buffy vs Dracula

Buffy: "Ha! Touchdown! Oh yeah. Go team me."
Riley: "Anybody ever tell you the quarterback throws like a girl?"

Xander: "I'm exhausted just looking at those two. All the splashing and jumping and running... Shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?"
Anya: "Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness."
Tara: "Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just stay put."
Willow: "I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks."

Xander: "The, uh, fire's not cooperating. It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman."

Giles: "Thank you, Willow. Obstinate bloody machine simply refused to work for me."
Willow: "Just call me the computer whisperer."

Willow: "Well, I guess. Now that I know there's something to know. I can't not know, just because I'm afraid somebody'll know I know, you know?"

Willow: "But what about the rest of us? We still need to be watched! Personally, I can't get through a day without a little hairy eyeball."

Man: "We're not going to fight."
Buffy: "Do you know what a slayer is?"
Man: "Do you?"
Buffy: "Who are you?"
Man: "I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula."
Buffy: "Get out!"

Willow: "Xand... what if somebody had a secret, and that somebody promised somebody else that they wouldn't tell anyone."
Xander: "News flash, Will. Everybody knows."
Willow: "No, thi-this isn't about me and Tara."
Xander: "Oh. Well, not that I wouldn't be all ears if you wanted to tell me a secret about you two. Even if it was very, very naughty."

Buffy: "And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? Cause... I've fought more than a couple of pimply overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat."

Dracula: "Why else would I come here? For the sun? I came to meet the renowned... killer."
Buffy: "Yeah, I prefer the term slayer. You know, killer just sounds so..."
Dracula: "Naked?"
Buffy: "Like I... paint clowns or something. I'm the good guy, remember?"
Dracula: "Perhaps, but your power is rooted in darkness. You must feel it."

Xander: "Nice. Look who's got a bad case of dark prince envy."
Dracula: "I have no interest in you. Leave us."
Xander: "No, we're not going to 'leave you'. And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? Vun, two, three -- three victims. Mwa ha ha!"
Buffy: "Xander, I'm pretty sure that's Dracula."
Xander: "Wow, really? Hey, sorry, man, I was... just jokin around."

Xander: "He totally looked shorter in person."

Buffy: "I guess. Just - the way he said it, you know, I mean, he made it sound so..."
Willow: "Sexy? I bet he made it sound sexy."
Buffy: "Kinda. He of the dark penetrating eyes and lilty accent."
Xander: "I wonder if he knows Frankenstein."

Buffy: "So we hold off. No killing until we know exactly what we're dealing with."
Riley: "You're not just saying that because of those dark penetrating eyes of his, are you?"
Buffy: "Noooo, his eyes were -- There were - there was no penetration. Cross my heart."

Xander: "You don't wanna come back to my place?"
Anya: "It's whites day, remember? The bleach smell makes me nauseous."
Xander: "Fine. I suppose Dracula doesn't use bleach, huh? He'a a darks-only man. Great. Perfect. You know what? You're not so big. One round of old-fashioned fisticuffs, you'd fold like a bitty baby. Okay, let's do it. And no poofing. Come on, puffy shirt. Pucker on up, cause you can kiss your pale ass-"
Dracula: "Silence."
Xander: "Yes master. No, that's not-"
Dracula: "You will be my emissary, my eyes and ears in daylight."
Xander: "Your emissary?"
Dracula: "Serve me well. You will be rewarded. I will make you an immortal. A child of darkness that feeds on life itself... on blood."
Xander: "Blood? Yes! Yes! I will serve you, your excellent spookiness. Or master. I'll just stick with master."
Dracula: "You are stange and off-putting. Go now."
Xander: "But master, how can I find- Brilliant. What an exit! Guy's a genius!"
* Giggles crazily & walks off *

Spike: "No. I'm saying... you should go home to your superhoney. Have a nice, safe snog. You're out of your depth on this one, boy."
Riley: "You've helped Buffy before, so she has a problem with killing you now that you're helpless. I don't."
Spike: "I'd like to see you try."
Riley: "Would you?"
Spike: "Pfft. You're never gonna find him. Not before he get to her."

Dracula: "You are magnificent."
Buffy: "I bet you say that before you bite all the girls."
Dracula: "No, you are different. Kindred."
Buffy: "Kindred? Hardly, I-"
Dracula: "Pull your hair back."
Buffy: "This isn't how I... usually fight. You think you can just waft in here with your music video wind and your hypno-eyes..."
Dracula: "I have searched the world over for you. I have yearned for you. For a creature whose darkness rivals my own."

Willow: "Well, I think we have Dracula factoids."
Xander: "Like any of that's enough to fight the dark master... bator."
Willow: "A lot of it we already knew. Turnoffs: wood, fire, crosses, garlic. Turnons: nice duds, minions, long slow bites that last for days..."

Xander: "See! Buffy didn't feel it. I think you're drawing a low of crazy conclusions about the unholy prince... bator."
Giles: "The point is, though he goes through the motions of an intimate seduction, the end result is the same. He turns her into a vampire."
Xander: "Well. That is intimate. Dracula's gifting these ladies with his own blood. And blood -- Blood is life. According to them."
Giles: "Um... Just be aware that he, he tends to form a relationship with his prety. It's not enough for him to take her. She must want to be taken. She must... burn for him."
Buffy: "That's... interesting. I'm gonna go find him."

Riley: "You're under the thrall of the dark prince!"
Buffy: "I am not under the thrall of the dark prince."

Giles: "Why didn't you say anything?"
Xander: "Cause she didn't want to worry us, right Buffster? It's nothin. Just a scratch."
Willow: "Two deep, puncture-y scratches."

Joyce: "He seemed so nice and normal. A little pale."
Willow: "A good Sunnydale rule of thumb? Avoid white-skinned men in capes."

Xander: "I'm supposed to deliver you to the master now. There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that?"
Buffy: "Take me to him."

Dracula: "I knew you'd come."
Buffy: "Why? Because I'm under your thrall? Well, guess again, pal."
Dracula: "Put the stake down."
Buffy: "Okay. Right. That... was not... you. I did that. I did that because... I wanted to. Maybe I should rethink that thrall thing."

Riley: "I've lived in Sunnydale for a couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before?"
Giles: "Uh, a castle?"
Riley: "A big honking castle."

Buffy: "Stay away from me."
Dracula: "Are you afraid I will bite you? Slayer, that's why you came."
Buffy: "No. Last night... it's not gonna happen again."
Dracula: "Stop me. Stake me."
Buffy: "I... Any minute now."
Dracula: "Do you know why you cannot resist?"
Buffy: "Cause you're famous?"

Dracula: "All those years fighting us. Your power so near to our own... and you've never once wanted to know what it is we fight for? Never even a taste?"
Buffy: "If I drink that-"
Dracula: "I have not drunk enough for you to change. You must be near death to become one of us. And that comes only when you plead for it."
Buffy: "I'm not hungry."
Dracula: "No. Your craving goes deeper than that. You think you know... what you are... what's to come. You haven't even begun. Find it. The darkness. Find your true nature."

Buffy: "How do you like my darkness now?"

Xander: "Where is he?? Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?"
Buffy: "He's gone."
Xander: "Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!"
Buffy: "Check. No more butt-monkey."
Riley: "It coulda been worse. At least you weren't making time with the dracu-babes like Giles here."
Giles: "I was not making time! I, I was, uh, just about to killthose, uh, loathsome creatures when Riley interrupted me."
Riley: "You were gonna nuzzle em to death?"
Giles: "Of course not! I was in complete... control."

Buffy: "You think I don't watch your movies? You always come back... I'm standing right here!"

Buffy: "I need to know more. About where I come from, about the other slayers. I mean, maybe... maybe if I could learn to control this thing, I could be stronger, I could be better. But... I'm scared. I know it's gonna be hard. And I can't do it... without you. I need your help. I need you to be my Watcher again. Boy, I just, I just keep talking, don't I?"

Joyce: "Buffy? If you're going out, why don't you take your sister?"
Buffy/Dawn: "Mom!"

Episode Guide: Buffy vs Dracula

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- - last updated: 4-1-02 - -