Buffy: "Spike, what are you doing here?"
Spike: "Same thing as you and your Cub Scout here, I'll wager. A spot of violence before bedtime."
Buffy: "Better keep out of my way, Spike. I'm not gonna take this much longer."
Spike: "And I should do what in my spare time? Sit at home knitting cunning sweater sets?"
Buffy: "Would it keep you out of my way?"
Riley: "She's right. You shouldn't be out here when she's patrolling."
Spike: "Oh! I saw that. Looks like neither boy's entirely welcome. You should take him home, Slayer. Make him stay there. I've got knitting needles he can borrow."
Buffy: "Spike... I just saw you taste your own nose blood, you know what? I'm too grossed otu to hear anything you have to say. Go home."
Spike: "It's blood! It's what I do!"
Buffy: "You... threw that vampire like he was a... teeny-weeny little vampire."
Willow: "Listen to us! We-we're arguing! We're having a debate about a college lecture! I have dreamt of this day since... forever! You are turning into quite the student. Should I be watching my occipital lobe?"
Buffy: "Your what?"
Willow: "Occipital. The lobe in the back of your brain. You kow, like, should I be watching my back? But, you know, the... back of your brain."
Buffy: "Apparently not. Don't worry, Will, you still wear the smarty-pants in the family."
Willow: "I don't know. You've been studying... really a lot."
Buffy: "I'm trying. But they're really piling on the reading, and Giles fills any free time I have with extra training... I'm starting to think this working hard is hard work."
Willow: "Isn't it crazy like that?"
Buffy: "I thought it was gonna be like the movies. You know, inspirational music... a montage, me sharpening my pencils, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books with my glasses all crooked, cause in my montage I have glasses. But real life is slow, and it's starting to hurt my occipital lobe."
Willow: "Aw. Poor Buffy's brain."
Xander: "Yes, blueprints, not a bad idea. That, and getting straight 'measure twice, cut once'. You know, for the longest time, I had it backwards. Mess-y!"
Anya: "Oh! Who put the monkey heads near the Styx water? Do we want to pick exploded monkey out of our hair?"
Willow: "Oh, wow, this place looks great. Oh, I feel like a witch in a magic shop. Ooh. Are these real newt eyes?"
Giles: "No, too... rich for my blood, I'm afraid. No, these are salamander eyes, it's the... cataracts which give them their newt-like appearance. They're relly equally effective, though, it's... just a matter of overcoming snobberies."
Xander: "I'm telling you Giles. You gotta set up a blind taste test and prove once and for all that generic amphibian eyeballs are just as good."
Willow: "I don't know. If you ask me, the newt name still means something."
Xander: "I'm the dummy man. I mean, I... made the dummy. The thing that you hit that doesn't hit back. That, I made."
Buffy: "It's great. I-it's all great."
Giles: "Well, you've earned it. Truly."
Buffy: "Thank you guys so much. You're like my... fairy godmother and Santa Claus and Q all wrapped up into one... Q from Bond, not Star Trek."
Spike: "Oh Pacey, you blind idiot. Can't you see she doesn't love you?"
Harmony: "Is it safe? Has Buffy gotten to you yet? I saw her patrolling just now... with a stake! She won't give up until she's killed me to death!"
Spike: "Buffy's looking for you."
Harmony: "Of course! That's why I'm on the lam. Didn't you hear? I'm totally her arch-nemesis!"
Spike: "Is that right. I must have missed the memo."
Harmony: "There was a mem-? Spike, oh my god!"
Spike: "I guess you're gonna have to kill her."
Harmony: "I tried! It was all hard and stuff! You do it."
Spike: "I'd love to. But, I can't. Remember? I've got this cute little government chip in my head."
Harmony: "Oh, right. Guess it'll have to be me after all. Can you help with the thinking?"
Spike: "Yeah. I suppose I could do that."
Joyce: "Oh, what is the... Who are you?"
Willow: "What about a crossword? Some people say feed a cold, I say puzzle it."
>Joyce: "I feel silly lying here like a lump!"
Willow: "You could make a game out of it. A-a very quiet game, about being a lump!"
Buffy: "It's so unfair. I mean, i-it's like Big Brother can spy on you all the time, and-and the second I have something to say, no one will listen!"
Dawn: "Sounds more like Big Sister."
Willow: "There has to be a way."
Buffy: "Like what? Take a tour of the White House and pretend to get lost, and look for some door with a sign on it that says 'Secret Monster Hunters'?"
Dawn: "If they're really spying on you all the time, you just say something so you know they'll hear you."
Buffy: "If you tell me to hurry... I'll kick your ass."
Xander: "Maybe he just needs some time alone. Like, I had this friend once, who really liked this girl, and... he got all worried that maybe she didn't like him back... and maybe that made him act like a total jerk. Maybe Riley reminds me of that friend."
Willow: "What are you talking about?"
Xander: "Then again, maybe not. Maybe he just wants attention."
Buffy: "Well, here's a hot tip, if you want attention? Be there so people can give it to you."
Anya: "I care about you, Xander."
Anya: "Don't be insecure."
Xander: "Thanks... I won't."
Anya: "And, I also have this 'friend' and, uh, I have it on really good authority that she really likes that guy, your 'friend'... and, by the by, my friend-"
Buffy: "You guys, enough!"
Buffy: "I so don't want to deal with Spike right now. That guy is really starting to bug me in that special 'I wanna shove something wooden through his heart' kinda way."
Willow: "He does seem extra twitchy lately. Maybe the whole not killing is getting to him."
Buffy: "Plus hanging out all day in that moldy crypt, you just know he's doing something nasty."
* cut to Spike's crypt *
Spike: "Okay, is it bigger than a breadbox?"
Harmony: "No. Four left."
Spike: "So it's smaller than a breadbox."
Harmony: "No! Only three!"
Spike: "Harmony... is it a sodding breadbox?"
Harmony: "Yes! Oh my god! Someone's blondie bear is a twenty-question genius!"
Spike: "Oh, dear, is the enormous hall monitor sick? Tell me, is he gonna die?"
* Buffy slaps Spike across the face *
Buffy: "He is not the only person that can die."
Spike: "Come on, doc! You'll do me right. Nothing bad'll happen to you."
* arrow narrowly misses doctor *
Haromny: "Oops. String was slippy."
Willow: "Oof. Darkness."
Tara: "Piles of it. We shoulda brought a flashlight."
Willow: "Ooh! I know! Better to light a candle than curse the damn darkness."
Buffy: "So that's what this is about? You're going to die, all over some macho pissing contest."
Riley: "It's not about him. It's about us. You're getting stronger every day, more powerful. I can't touch you. Every day, you're just... a little further out of my reach."
Buffy: "You wanna touch me? I'm right here. I'm not the one running away."
Riley: "Not yet."
Buffy: "So you have this all figured out? I'm bailing because you're not in the super club."
Riley: "It's human nature."
Buffy: "Don't Psych 101 me. Not now. Not after everything that... Nobody has ever know me the way you do. Nobody. I've opened up to you in ways that I've never opened up to... God, you're just sitting back there thinking that none of this means anything to me."
Riley: "I never said that."
Buffy: "Because it obviously doesn't mean anything to you. Do you really think so little of me-"
Buffy: "No! No. Do you think that I spent the last year with you because you had super powers? If that's what I wanted, then I'd be dating Spike. Riley, I need you. I need you with me... and I need you healthy. But if you wanna throw it all away because you don't trust me, then... then I'm still gonna make you go to the doctor."
Riley: "Loving you is the scariest thing I've ever done, Buffy."
Buffy: "I don't know why."
Harmony: "I read in a magazine that some women think a man's real sex organ is his brain. Yecch! No contest. I mean, look at it. It's so... pink and wriggly-looking. Can I touch it?"
Harmony: "Oh my god, your're away?"
Overheiser: "Local anesthetic."
Harmony: "Wow, Spikey, how does it feel?"
Spike: "Like someone's cutting into my brain with a knife, you silly bint."
Harmony: "Is it supposed to do that?"
Overheiser: "Please. For god's sake, please, be quiet."
Harmony: "Listen, buster. I don't see a crossbow in your hands, okay?"
Spike: "Harmony, if your incessant praddling bolloxes up this operation, I'm gonna personally yank out your pink and wriggly tongue."
Buffy: "You are not going to die."
Riley: "Bet you say that to all the boys."
Buffy: "No. There is one peroxided pest whose number is up. When I get my hands on Spike, I'm gonna rip his head off, I'm gonna..."
Spike: "...bathe in the slayer's blood. Gonna dive in it. Swim in it. I'm gonna do the bloody backstroke."
Spike: "Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn, she's there! That nasty little face, that... bouncing shampoo-comercial hair, that whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude."
Harmony: "Well, aren't we kinda unholy, by the-"
Spike: "She follows me, you know, tracks me down. I'm her pet project. Drive Spike round the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout of torture."
Spike: "You don't understand. I can't get rid of her. She's everywhere. She's haunting me, Harmony! This... has got to end."
Spike: "Should have known it's you. Been nearly six hours."
Buffy: "Well, it would've been less if I wasn't busy cleaning up your mess."
Spike: "My mess? I just borrowed the doc. The mess is yours, Slayer. Yours and the boy's."
Buffy: "I'm done. Spike, you're a killer. And I shoulda done this years ago."
Spike: "You know what? Do it. Bloody just do it."
Spike: "End... my... torment. Seeing you, every day, everywhere I go, every time I turn around. Take me... out of a world... that has you in it! Just kill me!"
* Buffy lunges at Spike but stops at the last minute. They stare at each other. Suddenly Spike grabs Buffy and starts to kiss her. She pulls away and stares at him. Slowly she walks back and kisses him again *
Buffy: "Spike... I want you."
Spike: "Buffy, I love you. God, I love you so much."
* Cut to Spike sitting up in bed with a gasp. It was all a dream *
Spike: "Oh, god, no. Please, no."