Willow: "Tell me a story."
Tara: "Okay. Once upon a time, there was, um... a kitty. She was very little, and she was all alone, and nobody wanted her."
Willow: "This is a very upsetting story."
Tara: "Oh, oh, but it gets better. Cause one day the kitty was running around in the street and a man came, and swooped her up... And took her to the pound. And at the pound there were a lot of other kitties, and there were puppies, and some ferrets..."
Willow: "Were there dolphins?"
Tara: "Yes. Many dolphins at the pound."
Willow: "Or was there a camel?"
Tara: "There was the front of a camel. A half camel."
Willow: "Did the kitty get chosen by some nice people?"
Tara: "Well, now you ruined the ending."
Tara: "I just... never... feel useful."
Willow: "You are. You're essential."
Buffy: "She'll come. She'll come for us."
Glory: "Okay. Now I'm upset."
Xander: "Ow! Thumb! Necessary opposable thumb!"
Riley: "Sorry. Crybaby."
Riley: "He started it."
Xander: "He called me a bad name. I think it was bad. It might've been Latin."
Giles: "Stop it, or you're going to break something."
Buffy: "Or I'm going to break something."
Buffy: "Nothing like gettin your ass kicked to... make your ass hurt."
Tara: "Yeah. You learn her source, and, uh, we'll introduce her to her insect reflection. Um... that, that was funny if you, um, studied Taglarin mythic rites... and are a complete dork."
Riley: "Oh, then how come Xander didn't laugh?"
Xander: "I don't know that Taglarin stuff."
Anya: "Thank you for coming. We value your patronage. Please come again for more purchases!"
Giles: "Could we please be a little less effusive, Anya? Don't want to frighten the people."
Anya: "I'm just so excited. They come in, I help them... they give us money in exchange for goods... you give me money for working for you... I have a place in the world now. I'm part of the system. I'm a working gal."
Giles: "Yes. Well, why don't you start organizing the shipping orders."
Anya: "Oh, no, that's boring. I just want to do the money parts."
Xander: "I mean, you are gonna be there?"
Buffy: "Yeah. Barring monsters."
Giles: "Well, I have narrowed it down somewhat."
Buffy: "Your definition of narrow is impressively wide."
Giles: "Well, you didn't give me much to go on. She-she looks human, so the mug shots aren't any use, and, uh, you can't be more specific about what she's like?"
Buffy: "She was kinda like Cordelia, actually. I'm pretty sure whe dyes her hair."
Giles: "Right! That one, of course. Our work is done."
Buffy: "There must be something on her."
Xander: "The answer is somewhere here. It's right in front of us and we're too blind to see it! I'm helping. I'm reading. I'm quiet."
Buffy: "Ugh! I have a present-buying headache. Tara's damn birthday is just one too many things for me to worry about."
Spike: "You want me, Slayer, come and get me."
Buffy: "Oh, I'm coming. I'm coming right-"
Harmony: "-now! What are you thinking?"
Spike: "All about you, baby."
Donny: "So all these books got spells in em? Turn people into frogs, things like that?"
Xander: "Yeah, we're building a race of frog people. It's a good time."
Willow: "They seem nice."
Tara: "You know, they-they're okay. Families are always-"
Willow: "They make you crazy."
Buffy: "Oh, you're like a god. You're like the... god of boyfriends."
Dawn: "See ya later."
Buffy: "Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think you're going?"
Dawn: "I'm going to Melinda's for dinner."
Buffy: "Since when?"
Buffy: "You can't. I-it's not safe for you to walk there."
Dawn: "It's just across the street. What is the big deal, I'm just gonna go-"
Buffy: "No. It's family night. And besides, Melinda's a bad influence. I don't like you hanging out with someone that... short."
Dawn: "I am so glad you're moving back into the house. This is the source of my gladness."
Buffy: "She makes me crazy."
Riley: "That's... kinda the work I was searching for."
Buffy: "What? She shouldn't be going over there."
Riley: "Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness. Gotta nip that in the bud."
Buffy: "We all have to be careful. This... demon chick is... exciting and new."
Tara: "It... it doesn't feel evil... sir."
Mr. Maclay: "Evil never does."
Glory: "Pay attention! I am great and I am beautiful, and when I walk in to a room all eyes turn to me, because my name is a holy name, and you will listen! Get your friends... find the girl... kill the girl... okay baby? You have the cutest little suppurating sores! Has anyone ever told you that?"
Harmony: "Uhh, it was so exciting. You wouldn't believe it. I went to April Fool's, and absolutely everythign was on sale."
Spike: "You paid for it?"
Harmony: "Oh, no. I just killed the clerk. Still, a bargain's a bargain. Oh, I ran into Carol Beets. You know. She sired Brandon, Brandon from the sewer gang... and she said, the Lei-Ach demon... was recruiting his brethren to kill the Slayer!"
Spike: "How's that?"
Harmony: "Apparently, he got recruited by some big nether-wig and now he's on a mission. You think they might actually do it? Kill her?"
Spike: "God that would be... pleasant."
Harmony: "Well, if they do, I think we should do something. Like a gift basket or something."
Mr. Maclay: "What in god's name is that?"
Spike: "Lei-ach demon. Fun little buggers. Big with the marrow-sucking."
Mr. Maclay: "The girl belongs with her family. I hope that's clear to the rest of you."
Buffy: "It is. You want her, Mr. Maclay? You can go ahead and take her. You just gotta go through me."
Mr. Maclay: "What?"
Buffy: "You heard me. You wanna take Tara out of here against her will? You gotta go through me."
Dawn: "And me!"
Mr. Maclay: "Is this a joke? I'm not gonna be threatened by two little girls."
Dawn: "You don't wanna mess with us."
Buffy: "She's a hair-puller."
Giles: "And... you're not just dealing with, uh, two little girls."
Xander: "You're dealing with all of us."
Spike: "Cept me."
Xander: "Cept Spike."
Spike: "I don't care what happens."
Mr. Maclay: "This is insane. You people have no right to interfere with Tara's affairs.. We... are her blood kin! Who the hell are you?"
Buffy: "We're family."
Beth: "Well. I hope you'll all be happy hanging out with a disgusting demon."
Anya: "E-excuse me. What kind?"
Anya: "What kind of demon is she? There's a lot of different kinds. Some are very, very evil. And some have been considered to be useful members of society."
Beth: "Well, I-I... what does it matter?"
Mr. Maclay: "Evil is evil."
Anya: "Well, let's just narrow it down."
Spike: "Ohhh. Why don't I make this simple."
* punches Tara in the nose *
Willow: "Hey! Hey..."
Tara: "He hit my nose!"
Willow: "And it hurt! Uh, him, I mean."
Buffy: "And that only works on humans."
Spike: "There's no demon in there. That's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line. Oh, you're a piece of work. I like you."
Tara: "I'm not a demon."
Willow: "You're not a demon."
Tara: "He hurt my nose."
Spike: "Yeah, you're welcome."
Mr. Maclay: "Tara. For eighteen years your family has taken care of you and supported you. If you wanna turn your back-"
Tara: "Dad... just go."
Mr. Maclay: "Magic."
Beth: "Are you happy now?"
Tara: "No, see, cause your insect reflection represents your insignificance... in terms of the karmic cycle."
Anya: "But it's still not funny."
Willow: "I still can't believe you didn't tell me about your family and all that."
Tara: "I was just afraid if you saw the kind of people I came from, you wouldn't wanna be anywhere near me."
Willow: "See... that's where you're a dummy. I think about... what you grew up with, and... then I look at what you are... it makes me proud. It makes me love you more."
Tara: "Every time I - even when I'm at my worst... you always make me feel special. How do you do that?"