Joyce: "Listen you two, I know this creamed spinach is pretty delicious, but I promise, I won't be offended if you go out for some real food."
Buffy: "You kidding me? This is the good life. Relaxing in bed while people bring you food on trays."
Dawn: "I like the Jello."
Joyce: "Help yourself. There's something about food that moves by itself that gives me the heebie-jeebies."
Dawn: "It's good and wiggly. This girl at school told me that gelatin is made from ground-up cow's feet, and that if you eat Jello there's some cows out limping with no feet. But I told her I'm sure they kill em before they take off their feet. Right?"
Buffy: "You're the one who insisted on teaching her to talk."
Dr. Kriegel: "The blood work's come back from the lab, and everything seems fine. So, we've scheduled your surgery for the day after tomorrow at ten in the morning. How's that sound to you?"
Joyce: "Oh, well, I think they had me scheduled for volleyball, but, ah, we can work around it."
Dawn: "We have soap operas to watch and trashy magazines to read."
Buffy: "And an adjustable bed to fiddle with. That alone will keep me busy for four hours or so."
Willow: "I just did two of em! Yay on me! That was pretty cool Except the part where I was terrified and... and now my knees are all dizzy."
Willow: "Care package! Special delivery for the Summers girls. Now, let's see what I have in this sack of mine. Oh, I feel just like Santa Claus, except thinner and younger and female and, well Jewish. This is an extra-special gift for your mom, and I know she'll need. A beer-hat! See, i-it's got cup holders, and a straw that goes directly into your mouth, and you can fill it with other stuff than beer. And somehow, when I was in the store this seemed like the most important idea and now there's the whole part where I'm crazy."
Joyce: "It's perfect. Thank you, Willow. You're very sweet."
Willow: "Oh, Buffy - I have this for you."
Buffy: "Homework? Oh. I don't believe in tiny Jewish Santa any more."
Dawn: "Is that right?"
Buffy: "Hey, Santa doesn't lie."
Man: "Careful, the facts say a-a picinc is in order."
Buffy: "And, uh, yeah, the crazy man was a little... you know, crazy, but it's okay."
Willow: "You know what's weird?"
Tara: "Japanese commercials are weird."
Willow: "Yes. And also, you know some of the stars we're looking at... don't even exist any more? In the time that it takes for their light to reach us, they've died. Exploded. Poof."
Tara: "Were, um... were things rough at the hospital?"
Joyce: "This thing doesn't work! It isn't working!"
Buffy: "I'm sure they heard you."
Joyce: "I bet it's not even hooked up to anything. Just like the push buttons at the crosswalk that are supposed to make the signal change."
Buffy: "I'm sure someone's on - What, the push buttons aren't hooked up to anything?"
Riley: "Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about last time. Heard I missed out on some fun."
Xander: "Oh, yeah, fun was had. Also frolic, merriment, and near-death hijinks."
Anya: "So, uh, we're all thinking the same thing, right?"
Xander: "Festive pinata? Delicious candy?"
Willow: "Something evil crashed to earth in this and then broke out and... slithered away to do badness."
Giles: "In all fairness, we don't really know about the slithered part."
Anya: "Oh, no. I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb."
Riley: "Oh, that might be toxic, don't touch it."
Xander: "Oh yeah, touching it was my first impulse. Luckily I've moved on to my second, which involves dry-heaving and running like hell."
Willow: "So, so we'll just figure this out ourselves. We're experienced."
Anya: "Yes, cause it seems like we're always dealing with creatures from outer space. Except that we don't ever do that."
Willow: "I don't wanna be the one who finds the bodies any more."
Joyce: "Oh, let's get the hell outta here."
Buffy: "Mom, wha-what are you doing?"
Joyce: "I'm making breakfast. And you shouldn't eat any more, you're disgustingly fat... Oh, Buffy, I don't know what I'm doing."
Joyce: "Get away from me! You're nothing, you're, you're a shadow!"
Joyce: "I don't know what you are or how you got here!"
Buffy: "Mom, it's Dawn."
Joyce: "Dawn? Honey, what's wrong?"
Dawn: "He said I didn't belong. He said I wasn't real. Why does everybody keep doing that? What's wrong with me?"
Buffy: "Nothing. It's not you. I think there's something that happens in people's brains when there's something wrong. It's, it's like a short-circuit... and it makes them feel like nothing's real except for them. That's all it is. Look, it is not you. Okay? And if anyone says anything like that to you again, don't listen. Even if it's Mom."
Dawn: "I hate it."
Buffy: "I know. Just don't listen."
Xander: "Look at how teeny Mercury is compared to, like, Saturn. Whereas in contrast, the cars of the same name-"
Giles: "Xander, please, we have work to do here."
Xander: "I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster."
Giles: "Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space... I did not say that."
Giles: "Well, then it would appear that the world is not being invaded."
Tara: "I'm pretty pleased about that."
Willow: "Uh, guys? I've got some stuff. The most recent meteoric anomaly was the Tunguska blast in Russia in 1917. Some witnesses claimed the meteor was hollow."
Xander: "Hmmm. Maybe with a chewy demon center like ours."
Xander: "Wait, I just say... Queller. Quell... here, here! 'Primitive people used to believe that the moon was a cause of insanity. Sometimes they would pray to the moon to send a special meteor to fix the problem the moon had caused. These meteors were expected to quell the madmen."
Xander: "Meteor go boom, crazy guy goes bye-bye."
Joyce: "I wish that someone had bothered to tell me that there would be tennis being played! I just didn't know. Those eyes... Those eyes, they're like gasoline puddles! Tell me. Tell me because I need to know why, why are you staring at me like that?"
Buffy: "What the hell are you doing in my house?"
Spike: "Right then, caught me. Your basement's full of junk. And me being in need of, uh, junk..."
Buffy: "You were stealing?"
Spike: "Well, yeah. Can't exactly work the counter at Burger Barn, can I?"
Buffy: "Wait, are those pictures of me?"
Riley: "Are you okay?"
Spike: "You just missed a real nice time."
Joyce: "Buffy, uh, I'm gonna ask you something, a-and if I'm, if I'm being crazy you just tell me, okay?"
Buffy: "You got it."
Joyce: "The other day... well, actually, I'm, I'm not sure when, the days seem to all bleed together..."
Buffy: "It's not important."
Joyce: "No, I guess it isn't. I do know I was... pretty out of it, and I had... not-not a dream... exactly, more like I had this... knowledge, i-it just came to me like... truth, you know? Even though it didn't seem... possible, even though I shouldn't even think such things."
Joyce: "That Dawn... She's not... mine, is she?"
Joyce: "She's... she does belong to us, though."
Buffy: "Yes, she does."
Joyce: "And she's important. To the world. Precious. As precious as you are to me. Then we have to take care of her. Buffy, promise me. If anything happens, if I don't come through this-"
Joyce: "No, listen to me. No matter what she is, she still feels like my daughter. I have to know that you'll take care of her, that you'll keep her safe. That you'll love her like I love you."
Buffy: "I promise."
Joyce: "Good. Good. Oh, my sweet brave Buffy. What would I do without you?"