Doublemeat Palace
Willow: You shoulda seen their headquarters, it was like, the nerd natural habitat.
Willow: Hey, respect the narrative flow much?
Anya: Please, continue the story of failure.
Anya: Okay, ya know what? This is why demons are better than people.
Willow: Interesting turn.
Anya: When I was a vengeance demon, I caused pain and Mayhem, certainly, but I put in a very full day's work doing it! And I got compensated appropriately!
Xander: Welcome to today's episode of 'Go Money Go'. I hear it every day.
Willow: Right. For the rest of your life.
Anya: But supervillians want reward without labor! To make things come easy. It's wrong! Without labor there can be no payment and vice versa! The country cannot progress! Workers are the tools that shape America!
Buffy: Good to know. I was kinda feeling like a tool and now I know why.
Buffy: Uh, yeah. The cow and chicken coming together even though they never met... It was kinda like Sleepless in Seattle if Tom and Meg were, like minced.
Manny: Why do you want to work here, Buffy? You seem like a sharp young woman, and there are a lot of other jobs.
Buffy: Well, I need money pretty quickly so I didn't want to go through a whole big interview process. I'm supporting my younger sister and we've had some expenses- I... want to be part of the Doublemeat experience?
Manny: Congratulations. You're on the clock.
Buffy: Wow. They're so identical.
Manny: Yeah, they all start to look the same to me, too.
Buffy: Not the employees. I meant the chicken slices.
Manny: Drive-thru station's over there. High-pressure job. You won't need to go in there. Over there's the grill, the fryers, the walk in freezer-- you don't need to go in there either-- the dehydrated pickle storage--
Buffy: Yeah, I know the Medley. But the video was kinda... graphic with the slaughter--
Buffy: So what's the deal with Manny the Manager? And if I ask him nice, can I write a children's book called that?
Buffy: You hit so many buttons. It was like... buttonpalooza...
Manny: You don't need to be in there.
Buffy: Sorry, I was curious.
Manny: Curiosity killed the cat.
Buffy: Theory number five: cat-burgers.
Anya: We're here to support your subsistence-level employment! Bravo.
Xander: It's fast food. I have swum in these murky waters, my friend. There is assorte creepiness, there is staring, there is the enthusiastic not-showing-up-at-all I think you're seeing demons where there's just, life.
Buffy: I didn't say 'demons'. I'm just saying there's a vibe. You haven't seen this manager.
Anya: Isn't that him over there? Getting the pickles wet?
Buffy: Here you go. One Medley Meal. Plus I doublesized your fries... and cut way back on the cat.
Xander: Kmmmph?
Buffy: I'm probably kidding.
Buffy: Go away. I'm working.
Spike: Yeah, and you chose to be in a consumer profession. I'm a consumer. Service me.
Buffy: Order something or go.
Spike: Give a bloke a chance for his eyes to adjust. Damn fluorescent lights. Plus they make me look dead...
Spike: Buffy. You're not happy here.
Buffy: Please don't make this any harder.
Spike: You don't belong here. You're something... You're better than this.
Buffy: I need the money.
Spike: I can get money. Walk away with me now. C'mon. I'll bet you can think of things we could doing, lots nicer'n standing here...
Buffy: Yeah... I've gotta help Gary with the fries.
Spike: You gotta get out of here. This place'll do stuff to you. This place will kill you.
Buffy: But I don't know how to grill.
Manny: Just think. This is the last day you'll ever be able to say that.
Phillip: You put the beef on the grill. You hit the button. Then it beeps. You flip the beef and hit this other button. Then it beeps. You put it on the bun. There's not a button for that. Then you put more beef on the grill.
Buffy: Repeat until insane.
Buffy: What's the secret ingredient?
Phillip: It's a meat process.
Buffy: What does that mean?
Phillip: It's a process. That they do to the meat.
Buffy: But what is it?
Phillip: It's just the name of the process.
Buffy: Ohhh. Guess we'll get kinda greasy.
Phillip: Skin, hair, eyelashes, nostrils. Inside your ears. Wanna look inside my ears?
Buffy: Um, that's okay.
Manny: You're working a double shift.
Buffy: What? Another eight hours? Right after these eight hours? That's... so many hours.
Halfrek: I have been called and vengence shall I wreak! Cower, masculine one. Tremble as you face my wrath!
Anya: Xander? I'm starting to think we should do this pot-luck style--
Xander: Honey?
Anya: Yeee!
Halfrek: Hello. I am here to tear this man apart. How many pieces do you wish?
Anya: Halfrek?
Halfrek: Anyanka?
Anya: Hallie! I can't believe it!
Xander: You two... you know each other...
Anya: Funny Halfrek, I didn't Summon you to kill Xander! I called to invite you to our wedding!
Halfrek: You--Oh my. What an embarassing mistake!
Halfrek: I guess the message got garbled. You know how it is, half the time I have no idea if I'm maiming the right guy. So... you are marrying that man with the large upper arms?
Anya: Yes.
Halfrek: Why?
Timothy: Sometimes it does that. They say bugs fall in there.
Buffy: Right. Maybe Gary's in the hospital. Or maybe he's in the grinder! Huh? 'Meat process'?! 'Secret Ingredient'?! Maybe he's on the grill! Maybe he's under the pickle chips!
Buffy: It's people! The Doublemeat Medley is people!!! The beefy layer is definitely people! Probably not the chickeny part! But who knows! WHO KNOWS?!
Wig Lady: What about the cherry pie?
Buffy: Well, that's great. I try to do the simplest thing in the world, an ordinary job in a well-lit place and I end up right back where I started, blood and death and funky smells. Look. Look what I found near the grinder.
Dawn: Ewww! Whose is it?
Buffy: I'm not certain. It might be this nice guy named Gary, only one there who didn't seem all brain dead. He didn't show up this morning. Except now I think he was there the whole time. As the secret ingredient. We have to analyze that burger, find out if it used to be people--
Xander: Whatph? People?
Buffy: Xander! You ate it?
Xander: Okay, first you say it's cat. Then, you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah, five minutes later, oh by the way that's hot delicious human flesh!
Buffy: We were supposed to analyze that! I can't just go back there and get another!
Xander: That's your problem with this scenario? How to get seconds?!
Dawn: But it means she's gonna have, like crap jobs her whole life, right? Minimum wage stuff. I mean, I could still grow up to be anything, but for her this is it.
Xander: Okay, but maybe you'll be a lawyer or doctor and you can use your money to support your deadbeat sister!
Dawn: Oh, that's terrifically better. Thanks.
Anya: I'm here! I'm here!
Dawn: We're doing chemistry.
Anya: Oh. I'm so sorry I hurried.
Willow: Listen, if you're in there? The burger isn't people. In fact, it isn't even meat. It's all processed vegetables. Isn't that weird?
Willow: I got it, Buffy! I killed it! Look!
Buffy/Willow: Ewwww.
Buffy: Wait. The secret ingredient in your beef is... beef?
Lorraine: Buffy. You know something powerful here, do you understand that? The Doublemeat reputation is built on a foundation of meat. You can't spread this around.