Dead Things
Buffy: We missed the bed again.
Spike: Lucky for the bed.
Buffy: Is this a new rug?
Spike: No. It just looks different when you're under it.
Buffy: I've been thinking about doing something to my room.
Spike: Yeah?
Buffy: Yeah. I think the New Kids on the Block posters are starting to date me.
Spike: Well if you want, I can... Are we having a conversation?
Buffy: What? No. Sort of.
Spike: Well isn't this usually the part where you kick me in the head and run out, virtue fluttering?
Buffy: That's the plan. Soon as my legs start working again.
Spike: You were amazing.
Buffy: You, uh, got the job done too.
Spike: I was just trying to keep up. The things you do... the way you make it hurt in all the wrong places. I've never been with such an animal.
Buffy: I'm not an animal.
Spike: Want to see the bite marks?
Spike: What is this to you? This thing we have.
Buffy: We don't have a thing. We just have... this. That's all.
Spike: Do you even like me?
Buffy: Sometimes.
Spike: But you like what I do to you. Do you trust me?
Buffy: Never.
Andrew: This sucks. Couldn't we have at least gotten a lair with a view?
Andrew/Jonathan: Ow! Get off! Stop it! My bone!
Buffy: Double meat is double sweet! Enjoy! Just something I'm trying.
Tara: Hey. Sorry I'm late.
Buffy: Time has no meaning here. Gina, I'm taking a break.
Tara: I have the sudden urge to dedicate my productive cooperation.
Buffy: If you close your eyes and repeatedly smash yourself in the head with frozen meat, it'll go away. Eventually. I'm hoping.
Jonathan: Boost the gain.
Andrew: Which one's the gain?
Jonathan: Try the one that says 'gain'.
Andrew: Oh.
Jonathan: Mad Dog Two to Mad Dog One --
Andrew: I thought I was Mad Dog Two?
Jonathan: Mad Dog Three to Mad Dog One.
Andrew: No! The redhead! I want the readhead!
Jonathan: The readhead's too tall.
Andrew: So get a step ladder.
Andrew: The one with the bazoombas!
Jonathan: Yeah! Go for the bazoombas!
Katrina: ... I love you, Master.
Warren: I love you, too, baby.
Buffy: I'm home. Who wants to help scrape the grease off -- oh my God! Is there singing?! Are we singing again?
Xander: Nope, just the dancing.
Anya: We're teaching Dawn perfectly synchronized steps for the wedding reception.
Xander: Wanna go for a spin?
Buffy: I'm leaning more towards an ungainly collapse.
Xander: You've been going at it too hard, Buff. We hardly ever see you, what with the slinging the doublemeat and pounding the big evil.
Anya: You are looking a little pounded. Just around the eyes.
Buffy: Frosty nectar. Now please.
Warren: Gentlemen. To crime!
Andrew/Jonathan: Crime!
Andrew: Crime tastes funny.
Katrina: You were gonna share me with these two dorks?!
Andrew: Hey! We're super villians! Call us 'Master!'
Jonathan: Wait --
Andrew: Aw crap.
Jonathan: It's out of juice!
Jonathan: She's your ex?!
Andrew: Dude, that is messed up!
Katrina: Oh, you think? Bunch of little boys, playing at being men. This isn't some fantasy. It's not a game, you freaks. It's rape.
Jonathan: What?
Andrew: No, we --
Jonathan: What did you do? What the hell did you do?!
Warren: We did this. Me and Andrew and you. It's on all of us.
Andrew: ...oh god oh god oh god...
Buffy: I'm sorry I haven't been around much.
Willow: No, that's not -- it's okay. We all know you've been tied up.
Buffy: What?"br>
Willow: With your job. And the slaying -- not like the vamps are going to start staking themselves, huh?
Buffy: A girl can dream.
Anya: Come share in the joy of our groove thang.
Willow: And despite that, I succumb to the beat.
Buffy: I'll catch the next Soul Train out.
Xander: You sure?
Buffy: Glass all the way empty. More nectar required.
Xander: Cool. Shimmy on out when you're lubricated.
Spike: You see? You try to be with them. But you always end up in the dark. With me. What would they think of you? If they found out all the things you've done. If they knew who you really were...
Buffy: Don't.
Spike: Stop me. No. Don't close your eyes. Look at them. That's not your world. You belong in the shadows... with me. Look at your friends... and tell me you don't love getting away with this right under their noses...
Xander: Ouh. I think I pulled a jive muscle last night.
Willow: The Funky Monkey claims another victim.
Buffy: Don't think about the evil bloodsucking fiend... focus on anything but the evil bloodsucking -- Thank you.
Creepy Voices: Buffy... What did you do... What did you do... Buffy... Buffy...
Spike: Ow! Bloody hell, what did you do that for?
Buffy: Spike?
Buffy: She's dead. I-I killed her.
Creepy Voices: What did you do... Buffy... What did you do...
Spike: It's all right, luv. Shh... Don't worry. It'll be our secret...
Buffy: Do you trust me?
Buffy: There was an accident. In the woods. A girl -- she... she was hurt. I hurt someone.
Dawn: Oh my God. Is she all right?
Buffy: No. I'm sorry.
Buffy: What did you do?
Spike: I took care of it.
Buffy: What did you do?!
Spike: What I had to! I went back and took care of it. I doesn't matter now. No one will ever find her.
Cop #1: Where'd they find her?!
Cop #2: The river. She washed up half mile from the cemetary.
Spike: Ouh, balls.
Spike: It was an accident. It just happened.
Buffy: Nothing just happens.
Buffy: Let me go, Spike. Please. Just let me go...
Spike: I can't. I love you.
Buffy: No, you don't.
Spike: You think I haven't tried not to?
Buffy: Try harder.
Buffy: You can't understan why this is killing me, can you?!
Spike: Why don't you explain it? Come on! That's it! Put it on me! Put it all on me! That's my girl --
Buffy: I'm not your girl! You don't have a soul! There's nothing good or clean in you. That's why you can't understand! You're dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I coulld never... be your girl!
Spike: You always hurt... the one you love, pet.
Buffy: It wasn't the demons. It was Warren. He knew Katrina. He had something to do with this. I know it.
Willow: How can you be sure?
Buffy: Because you always hurt the one you love.
Andrew: We really got away with murder. That's... kinda cool.
Jonathan: *softly* Yeah. Cool.
Buffy: I didn't come back wrong.
Tara: No. You're the same Buffy. With a deep tropical cellular tan.
Buffy: This isn't me. It can't be me. Why do I feel like this? Why do I let Spike do those things to me?
Tara: You mean hit you? Oh. Oh. Really?
Buffy: He's everything I hate. Everything I'm supposed to be against. But the only time I feel anything is when we... Don't tell anyone. Please.
Buffy: You don't know how hard it is. Lying to everyone you love about who you're sleeping with.
Tara: Sweetie, I'm a fag. I been there.
Buffy: Why can't I stop? Why do I keep letting him in?
Tara: Do you love him?
Buffy: It's wrong, I'm wrong... Tell me that I'm wrong... Please... don't... forgive me... Please...