As You Were
Todd: I mean, it's not like we work at Burger World or The Happy Bun where the power sturcture is simple. Here at the Palace, you keep your friends close -- but your enemies closer. It's like Machiavelli says...
Todd: I'm working on my MBA. You think I want to spend the rest of my life cleaning grease traps?
Buffy: What sane person would?
Todd: Don't forget to lock up on your way out. Oh, and the gum under the tables? Be sure to give em a good scrape before you go.
Buffy: Oh, may I?
Todd: See you tomorrow!
Buffy: Yes, you will. And the night after that. And the night after that. And the night after that...
Buffy: Get the double treat/ that's so double sweet/ oh it's hard to beat/ when the meat meets the... Aah! I can't get that stupid jingle out of my head!
Vampire: Least of your problems now, little girl.
Buffy: Wait. Okay. Let's do this. Quickly.
Vampire: Whew. What's that smell? Geez Slayer, is that you?
Buffy: I've been working!
Vampire: Where, in a slaughter house?
Buffy: D-Doublemeat Palace.
Vampire: Ooh. Know what? Let's just call it a night. If it's all the same to you, and you've been eating that stuff... I'm not so sure I want to bite you.
Buffy: You're dead. You smell like it. How do you get to say I'm the one who's... stinky?
Buffy: No, Spike.
Spike: No? What kind of answer is that? Haven't even heard the question, yet.
Buffy: I don't need to. We both know what you're thinking.
Spike: And we both know I'm not the only one thinking it.
Buffy: No! Not here. I can't
Spike: Why not?
Buffy: Dawn. She's inside. Waiting for dinner and counting on me. And I'm not letting her down by letting you in.
Spike: I see you're serious. So am I. I want you. You want me. I can't come inside. So? Could be be, the time is right... for you to come outside.
Dawn: Great, I'm starved. Actually, I'm kinda full. But my metabolism's tummy has been growling. What did you.. oh. Doublemeat Medley. Again.
Buffy: I know, it's not the most original these days, but... I made em myself! I made hundreds of them, actually, and this -- is the best one.
Dawn: It looks kinda... squished.
Buffy: Oh. Yeah. But you know, you know, give it a minute, cause these babies really bounce back. Literally.
Dawn: I need real food. I need, like... cereal.
Willow: Hey workin lady. Rough night?
Buffy: Why does everyone keep asking me that?
Willow: No reason. Just figured you were busy with the slayage cause of the grass stains.
Dawn: Some vamp get rough with you?
Buffy: He's not getting any gentler.
Willow: He?
Buffy: They. Them. Vampires, in the general population.
Buffy: Have fun. Somebody should.
Xander: I'm starting to have dreams about the gardenia bouquets and I am so glad my manly co-workers didn't just hear that.
Anya: Would you stop wolfing down those chips? One more bag and you'll pop right out of your cummerbund. You're not even hungry. You're just nervous.
Xander: Yeah! Wedding, one week. Family, friends and demons flying in and a to-do list that's not getting shorter. Don't take away the chips.
Dawn: How's the soon-to-be newlyweds, guys? Nervous?
Xander/Anya: NO!
Dawn: Okay, I'll just be over here then.
Willow: How are Mr. and Mrs. High-strung?
Dawn: I'm betting they explode.
Willow: You know when I was little, I used to spend hours imagining what my wedding to Xander would be like. And now that I see them together I just think... Nyeah heh.
Dawn: You and Tara are speaking again... You want to call her? Invite her over?
Willow: No. Still too soon for so bold a maneuver. But -- if I did call? She wouldn't hang up on me.
Dawn: That's progress.
Willow: Hence the happy.
Buffy: Oh, garbage! Wait! Wait up! Guys... Don't you want your garbage...?
Dawn: Hey, Buffy Oh, don't forget - today's trash day.
Buffy: Welcome to the Doublemeat Palace, how may I... help... you...?
Riley: Hey.
Buffy: Hurn?
Buffy: It's you.
Riley: It's me.
Buffy: You're here.
Riley: I know.
Buffy: And - were you always this tall?
Riley: This isn't the way I wanted it, but something's come up. Something big. We don't have much time. You understand?
Buffy: Not a word you've said so far.
Riley: Right. I should have know -- anticipated. You're working.
Buffy: Just counter, not grill...
Riley: I want to explain. But don't have time. I've been up fourty-eight hours straight tracking something bad to Sunnydale and now it's here.
Buffy: My hat has a cow.
Riley: I know I'm putting you on the spot showing up like this, but here we are. I need the best. I need you, Buffy. Can you help me?
Buffy: I'm sorry, I just... you still carry around all the James Bond stuff. It's so cute, I forgot. Sorry. Carry on.
Buffy: Got it. Like really mean Tribbles. I've been dealing with some geeks lately, it's a whole thing.
Riley: You ready for this?
Buffy: Yes please.
Riley: National Forestry Service! We got a wild bear! Everybody step back!
Buffy: Nice wheels.
Riley: Came with the car.
Riley: How are you doing?
Buffy: Complicated question.
Riley: I just meant --
Buffy: I know.
Riley: I hear you. Got big stories to tell you, too. We get half a sec, we can compare and contrast.
Buffy: Did you die?
Riley: No.
Buffy: I'm gonna win...
Riley: Boys like toys. Put it on. Thank me later.
Buffy: You won't look?
Riley: I'm a gentleman.
Riley: And Buffy? Love the hair.
Anya: I think maybe we died in this car on the way to the airport. And now we're in hell.
Xander: The radio said no traffic.
Anya: It's a hell radio. Of course it said that. We'll never get to the airport in time to pick up your stupid uncle.
Xander: It only gives him more time at the bar. Trust me -- He'll be happy.
Anya: I can only do so much, Xander! Planning this marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy.
Xander: Without the laughs. We should have eloped.
Anya: No -- I've been through too much making this wedding happen -- and it is going to happen. It's going to be our perfect, perfect day if I have to kill every one of our guests and half this town to do it.
Xander: Those cool ranch?
Anya: Cajun Fiesta.
Sam: Hi there. What exactly are you doing with my husband?
Sam: Let me guess. Captain Can-Do here forgot to mention this was a homing operation. It's nice to finally meet you, by the way. Knife?
Sam: I hate to impose -- further, Buffy. But, you got a safe house?
Buffy: I... have a house. And I think it's safe. Sometimes, you can't even leave!
Xander: Hey, there's the man. The life taker and heart breaker. Y'know -- figuratively speaking.
Willow: Just so you know: I am preapared to hate this woman any way you want.
Buffy: Will. Thanks, but, no. I don't want to get all, you know -- petty.
Willow: That's the beauty. YOU can't, I can. Please. Let me carry the hate for both of us.
Buffy: Go nuts.
Buffy: Which means we find the nest -- as in now -- or Sunnydale turns into the TROUBLE Meat Palace. I wish I'd said something else.
Sam: We think the eggs will be sold on the black market. There's some foreign military powers that'd love to have their own Suvolte. Could never train it, but drop it on an urban population...
Riley: And it 'cleanses the area'.
Dawn: Is that a nice way of saying it kills people?
Sam: Hey. Willow. Um... Back in the jungle we had not one but two hard core shamans working for us. They were working the dark Magicks. Got addicted. And now they're gone. 'Gone' as in nothing left. I never met anyone with enough strength to quit before. I'm just saying.
Sam: I've got to tell you, Buffy. I'm a little intimidated. I mean, patrolling with the real-live Slayer... you're like... Santa Claus or the Buddha or something.
Buffy: Fat and jolly?
Sam: Legendary. And it's not jus Slayer status I'm talking about. It's you.
Buffy: So... Riley talks about me?
Sam: A lot. You're a part of my life. Because you're a part of him. I tried hating you, at first but Riley wouldn't let me.
Sam: Better no guy than the wrong guy, that's for sure.
Buffy: Tell me you love me.
Spike: I love you. You know I do.
Buffy: Tell me you want me.
Spike: I always want you. In point of fact, I --
Buffy: Shut up.
Spike: Well looky here. I don't often use the word 'delicious', but I've got to wager this little tableau must sting a bit, eh? Me and your former? Must kill. What can I say? The girl just needs a little monster in her, man.
Spike: Look, crew-cut: she's not your bint anymore, and if I can speak frankly, she always had a little thing for me even when she was shagging you.
Riley: Nice. Very distracting. Now tell me before I get unprofessional. Where are the eggs, Spike?
Spike: Eggs? Pht. You're off your nut. It's those drugs they were keeping you on. I did warn you.
Riley: Okay. We can do this the hard way or we can do this the fatal way.
Buffy: This isn't possible. He's too... incompetent! It's just Spike, Riley.
Riley: Right. Deadly, amoral, opportunistic... or have you forgotten? I'm taking this place apart until I find that nest.
Spike: Over my dead body.
Riley: I've seen enough of your dead body for one night, thanks.
Buffy: No more games, Spike.
Spike: That's bloody funny, coming from you? No games? That's all you've ever done is play me, and keep playing with rules you make up as you like! You know what I am -- you've always known and you come to me all the same!
Anya: You know if you love Riley Finn so much, maybe you should marry him.
Xander: He's taken. And that's not my point.
Riley: Listen -- by mission parameters, I'm done here. But I have authorization to take the Doctor out. You want me to do that?
Buffy: Do I want you to... How can you... I'm sleeping with him. I'm sleeping with Spike.
Riley: I had actually noticed that.
Riley: Hey. You want me to say I liked seeing you in bed with that idiot? Or that blinding orange is your very best color, or that the burger smell is --
Buffy: You smelled the smell?
Riley: Buffy, none of that means anything. It doesn't touch you. You're still the first woman I ever loved and the strongest woman I ever know. And I'm not advertising this to the missus, but still quite the hottie.
Buffy: You know it goes away after many bathings...
Riley: This isn't about who's on top. I know how lucky I am right now. I love my work, and I love my wife.
Buffy: I know. I kind of love her too.
Riley: So right now you're not in the greatest place. Maybe I made it worse.
Buffy: No.
Riley: Wheel never stops turning, Buffy. You're up, you're down, doesn't change what you are. And you're a hell of a woman.
Willow: Oh. Duh! Of course it is. I keep thinking you're all, like regular people. But you're not.
Sam: Right, like demon hunting's all exotic to a girl from Sunnydale.
Willow: What a bitch.
Spike: So she's back. Thought you'd be off snoggin with soldier boy.
Buffy: He's gone.
Spike: So come for a little cold comfort? Bed's a bit blown up, but then that never was our --
Buffy: No. I'm not here for... and I'm not gonna bust your chops about your stupid evil scheme. That's just you. I should've remembered...
Spike: Oh. This is worse, isn't it? This is you telling me --
Buffy: Yeah. It's over.
Spike: I've memorized this tune, love. I think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want.
Buffy: I know that. I do want you. Being with you... makes things simpler. For a little while.
Spike: I don't call five hours straight a little while.
Buffy: I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just being weak, and selfish --
Spike: -- really not complaining here --
Buffy: -- and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry, William.