Life Serial
Jonathan: The Slayer always knows what she's doing. Sharp. Decisive. Always with a plan. We're never gonna become the crime lords of Sunnydale with her always one step ahead of us.
Warren: Hey! O.k., thing is since we're messing with the Slayer who could pummel the three of us into a sludgy substance, it might be a good idea to not draw attention to ourselves!
Andrew: I could paint over it if you want.
Warren: Okay, score me.
Buffy: Oh, well, he implied that maybe it was stress-related. Like I wa imagining it or something. I don't know. Maybe. I guess I, I... could have been blacking out but... there was this thing on my sweater that just blew away. Or went poof. Maybe it was lint. Maybe it was evil lint!
Xander: Ok first tip of the day. When I introduce you to Tony the Foreman, you might want to leave out stuff about blacking out and evil lint.
Xander: That's the spirit! Don't mind him, he may seem pig-ignorant, rude, and a little hostile... Have fun!
Warren: Ah! Got visual of subject, four o'clock.
Jonathan: That's not four o'clock.
Warren: Well it is if you're facing the front of the van.
Jonathan: But we're not facing the front of the van, we're facing out that way. That's twelve, so she's at two o'clock.
Warren: Look, she's over there, okay?
Jonathan: Okay.
Andrew: Hey! All you said was 'lose the mural'!
Xander: Oh, my god. Buffy, what... what happened? How... Aw, Buffy, I know these guys can be jerks, but was it really necessary -
Buffy: I didn't do this!
Warren: This is so dull, I might actually have fallen asleep and be dreaming you guys.
Andrew: Why is the Slayer here anyways? She's a student, she's a construction worker, and now she's some kind of selling-stuff person?
Warren: It's like she's completely without focus... Should we check the other channels for free cable porn?
Jonathan: I need you to hold hands.
Andrew: With... each other?!
Warren: Well, you know what homophobia really means about you, don't you?
Jonathan: Stop touching my magic bone!
Warren/Andrew: *giggle*
Jonathan: Shut up!
Giles: While I was running the store, I found it useful to imagine myself back in the library. Um, you know, if you concentrate on service and, and not on making a sale, you're more likely to have a satisfied customer.
Buffy: Guess I'll have to find my own style.
Giles: Yes, uh, quite, quite, quite.
Anya: That woman. Go sell her something.
Guy Customer: Miss? Which candle creates a, you know, more romantic atmosphere?
Buffy: Hmmm... 'Lemon Seduction'. Ewww... 'Essence of Slug'. Here you go.
Buffy: Petrified hamster... uch! Eyeballs and honey. Dagger of Lex... Hmmm. Ancient mummy hand.
Jonathan: I made it so she had to satisfy a customer with a task that resists solving. Maybe I shoulda done more.
Andrew: Like what?
Jonathan: I don't know. Like make her kind of itchy?
Anya: Don't worry, don't be nervous. Do what I do, just picture yourself naked.
Buffy: Lady needs a mummy hand.
Anya: What? You haven't even talked to her.
Buffy: I could explain, but you would just forget it.
Anya: I'm worried about you. Um, retail is a, is a fast-paced and exciting world. I mean, this whole day, has it gone by too quickly for you?
Buffy: No. No, I don't think that's exactly the problem.
Buffy: Yes! And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam!
Giles: Yes, uh, quite, quite, quite, yes.
Buffy: Ya like slug? Go with slug. She's not gonna sleep with you anyway.
Warren: This mummy hand has ceased to be!
Andrew: It is an ex-mummy hand!
Buffy: Blaaaah!
Buffy: You have had so too much to drink at this point, I am cuttin you off. Blaaah!
Buffy: Oh, good. These are the lowlifes.
Spike: Fine. A little louder.
Loose-Skinned Demon: Ante up.
Buffy: You play for kittens?!?
Spike: Who's gonna advance me a tiny tabby, get me started? Come on, someone's got to stake me.
Buffy: I'll do it! You thought I was just gonna let that lie there? Blaaah!
Andrew: We are really super-villians now, like... like Dr. No.
Warren: Yeah, back when Bond was Connery, and movies wre decent.
Jonathan: Who remembers Connery? I mean, Roger Moore was smooth.
Warren: You're insane. You're short, and you're insane.
Andrew: I like Timothy Dalton!
Spike: Me? I cheat? He's got X-ray vision.
Scaly Demon: I'm not... using it!
Spike: Ah, so it's a set up isn't it? Squeeze a few quid out of the vamp. I'll tell you what you didn't count on. Me and the bird.
Buffy: Blaaah.
Spike: You wanna fight? You face the two of us.
Buffy: What? I'm not getting into a bar fight! I'll beat 'em up for information, great. But not to defend your right to gamble for kitten! Which by the way is stupid currency!
Buffy: Be free, kittens!
Spike: What's wrong, luv?
Buffy: What's wrong? You were gonna help me! You, you were gonna beat heads and, and fix my life! But you're completely lame! Tonight sucks! And look at me! Look at, look at stupid Buffy! Too dumb for college, and, and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. And, and my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears even before the hour that wouldn't end! And the only person I can even stand to be around is a... neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker!
Spike: Oh, you saw the cheating, did you?
Buffy: Also, I think you're drunk!
Warren: Connery is the only actor of the bunch.
Andrew: Timothy Dalton should get an Oscar and beat Sean Connery over the head with it!
Warren: Okay, that's it.
Andrew: Oh, she's coming over here! What do we do?
Warren: Jonathan! Grab your magic bone!
Andrew/Warren: *giggles*
Demon Jonathan: I am well struck! I call on the misty portal to my demon dimension where I will lay my head and gently die!
Buffy: He blew up. Did you see that?
Demon Jonathan: She hurt me all over!
Andrew: The Slayer touched you!
Jonathan: Yeah, it was sexy, the way she touched me real hard with her fists.
Warren: We tested her. Faced her... and we survived!
Jonathan: Unless I have internal injuries that will eventually kill me.
Andrew: Oh, of course. But barring that, Warren's right. We did good!
Andrew: Plus, look what Warren and me discovred by accident before we drove away!
Jonathan: What?
Jonathan/Andrew/Warren: Free cable porn!
Giles: You're pushing yourself too hard.
Buffy: The nice people at the phone company seen to think it's not hard enough.
Buffy: I don't... really know how to say this... but it's a little like having Mom back.
Giles: In this scenario, I am your mother?
Buffy: Wanna be my shiftless absentee father?
Giles: Is there some sort of, um, rakish uncle?
Buffy: I just... wanna tell you... that, um... this... makes me feel safe. Knowing you're always gonna be here.