First Date

Spike: "Hey! You're not the First!"
Giles: "Hey! You're not in pain! What?"
Spike: "Anya said you were The First. Said you were evil. You're supposed to be all... go-through-able."
Giles: "They why the hell did you tackle me, you berk? What was that supposed to do?"
Spike: "Yeah... didn't think of that."

Buffy: "Well, when we were at the Initiative..."
Spike: "...there was a choice."
Buffy: "Right. To either repair the chip or to remove it."
Giles: "You had it removed? You removed the chip?"
Buffy: "Yeah."
Spike: "Had to make a choice."
Buffy: "It really is okay."
Amanda: "What's a chip?"

Chao-Ahn: "I don't understand a word you are saying."

Giles: "You know this is very dangerous."
Buffy: "You've just heard horror stories. Wear hoops, they'll catch on something, rip your lobe off, lobes flying everywhere."
Giles: "That's not what I'm talking about."

Buffy: "I guess it was instinct, like you were talking about."
Giles: "I made that up! I knew the Bringer was there because his shoes squeaked."

Buffy: "Spike has a soul now. That's what's going to stop him from hurting people."
Giles: "Buffy..."
Buffy: "He can be a good man, Giles. I feel it. But he's never going to get there if we don't give him the chance."

Buffy: "We haven't... things have been different since he came back."
Giles: "It doesn't matter if you're not physical with each other anymore. There's a connection. You rely on him, he relies on you. That's what's affecting your judgement."
Buffy: "You think I'm losing sight of the big picture but I'm not. When Spike had that chip, it was like having him in a muzzle. It was wrong. We can't beat evil by doing evil. I know that."

Xander: "Hi, can I help? You seem kind of confused."
Lyssa: "You aren't wearing a green apron."
Xander: "Confused but sort of randomly observant."

Lyssa: "I guess I could use some kind of advice. I can't even figure out if I've got the right kind of rope."
Xander: "That depends on what you need it for. Something like functional around the house or, you know, recreational?... By which I mean, for example, boating or mountain climbing, not for tying someone up for sexy funky fun... In conclusion, rope can be useful in various ways."

Xander: "And again with the random. I like it."

Buffy: "Now, if I were a sign of being evil, where would I be?"

Wood: "You looking for something?"
Buffy: "File folders. And mechanical pencils. I wanted to write on a file folder with a mechanical pencil."

Wood: "I'm certainly not saying 'come to dinner if you enjoy having a job'... You know, I may have to make up a little document saying I didn't just say that and have you sign it."

Willow: "So he asked you out to dinner?"
Buffy: "Yeah. Isn't that weird? He's a principal. He's a young hot principal with earrings but he's a principal. Why do you think he asked me out? He could be interested, right?"
WIllow: "Yeah, sure. You're a frisky vixen."
Buffy: "Or it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job."
*Willow laughs then catches herself*
Willow: "Oh. Right. That would make sense, too."
Buffy: "Or maybe he knows that I suspect he's up to something and he's taking me out to kill me."
Willow: "Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity."

Buffy: "It's just there he is, on the Hellmouth, all day every day. That's got to be like being showered with evil, only from underneath."
Willow: "Not really a shower."
Buffy: "A bidet, then. Like a bidet of evil."

Willow: "I'm going to wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on."

Buffy: "Why does everybody in this house think I'm still in love with Spike?"
Willow: "No, I meant move on from this imposed super-self-reliance. Let somebody get close."
Buffy: "Oh..."

Willow: "Buffy got a date!"
Xander: "No, I did! Fine. Way to steal my thunder."
Buffy: "Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, it's Principal Wood and I think he's aligned with The First."
Xander: "Also, like ten years older than you, right?"
Willow: "Which is like a hundred years younger than your type."

Andrew: "'Getting the most out of your new microwave.' Oh, nice. 'Clock, comma, setting the' 3."
Jonathan/The First: "You don't need a manual. It's intuitive. There's a button marked 'clock set', for pity's sake. What kind of nerd are you?"

Jonathan/The First: "Oh! Ahhh... it burns as it ineffectually passes through me. I'm not corporeal, remember? Also, not a vampire, so... a cross?"
Andrew: "What do you want from me, Jonathan-slash-The-First?"

Jonathan/The First: "You think she'll ever let you in? You're a murderer."
Andrew: "Confidentially, a lot of her people are murderers. Anya and Willow and Spike..."

Andrew: "That's horrible! I'm going to scream and get Buffy in here."

Jonathan/The First: "Andrew, now I want you to think. Willow brought something to this house. Something good. Somthing you can use."
Andrew: "The new microwave?"
Jonathan/The First: "The gun."

Anya: "I don't think it's really a date, that's what I think."
Buffy: "Well, it is unclear. That's why I chose a top that says, 'I'm comfortable in a stodgy office or a swingin casual setting or killing you if you're a demon'."

Anya: "Observe my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice."

Anya: "Fine, go. Leave me here to stew in my impotent rage."

Spike: "You think I still dream of a crypt for two with a white picket fence? My eyes are clear."
Buffy: "Good. I'm glad. Thank you."
Spike: "Never much cared for picket fences, anyway. Bloody dangerous."

Xander: "You're going to love the coffee. Got myself a Red Eye: black coffee with a shot of espresso. It's kind of rough if you're not used to that sort of thing-"
Lyssa: "It's hot cocca."
Xander: "Well, sometimes I don't sleep too good... I just lost macho points, didn't I?"

Willow: "I've Googled till I just can't Google no more."

Willow: "In the meanwhile, you want to help us get reserchy? We're trying to invade Buffy's date's privacy."
Giles: "Buffy has a date?"
Anya: "Yes, didn't you hear? Everybody has a date. Buffy has a date, Willow's been completely making out with this girl..."
Kennedy: "Hey!"
Anya: "...and Xander's out with some hardware store whore. It's Datefest 2003."

Buffy: "You set me up! You son of a... what?"

Buffy: "So you didn't hire me for my counseling skills?"
*Wood laughs and stops when sees her look*
Wood: "They're valuable, too."

Andrew: "So why not have Spike do it? He's the one with the trigger."
Jonathan/The First: "It's not time for him yet."

Andrew: "Are you made out of the evil impulses of humans? So like if everyone was unconscious at the same time, you would fade away?"
Jonathan/The First: "You're asking a lot of questions.'
Andrew: "Yes, well, because I'm evil and I want to do the best I can at that so I want to know stuff. Like when do we kill Buffy?"
Jonathan/The First: "Are you wearing a wire?"

Xander: "This can't just happen. It can't just keep happening that demon women find me attractive! There's gotta be a reason."

Lyssa: "Do the ropes hurt?"
Xander: "Yes."
Lyssa: "Good."

Willow: "It's a text message. Oh, it's from Xander. It's one of our signals."
Amanda: "Signals?"
Willow: "We have a system we set up a while back. Like codes. This one's either 'I just got lucky, don't call me for a while', or 'my date's a demon who's trying to kill me'."
Kennedy: "You don't remember which?"
Willow: "It was a long time ago."
Dawn: "Well, if we play the percentages..."
Giles: "...something's eating Xander's head."
Anya: "Say, that's gratifying."

Buffy: "Oh... oh, my god. That might be the best thing I've ever had in my mouth."

Xander: "I don't think you understand what you're getting yourself into."
Lyssa: "The seal opens up and a vicious feral vampire creature comes out."
Xander: "Well, then you do understand but what makes you think that's like a good idea?"

Xander: "So how's your date going?"

Anya: "Where are they? It's after two. I can't believe Buffy hasn't brought him home yet. His slut ate him up."
Willow: "His slut didn't eat him up. Besides, I thought you were all angry at him."
Anya: "My feelings are changeable but intense."

Chao-Ahn: "Why is everyone up? Are the flashcard monsters attacking?"

Anya: "Is Xander all right?"
Dawn: "He looks okay."
Anya: "Damn him!"

Xander: "Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up! Come on, let's gay!"

Buffy: "What if you just start attracting male demons?"
Dawn: "Clem always liked you."

Spike: "I should move out. Leave town. Before it is time for me."
Buffy: "No. You have to stay."
Spike: "You got another demon fighter now."
Buffy: "That's not why I need you here."
Spike: "Is that right? Why's that, then?"
Buffy: "Because I'm not ready for you to not be here."

Nikki/The First: "Did I raise you that way?"
Wood: "You didn't raise me at all."
Nikki/The First: "Well, I was dead."

Episode Guide: First Date

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- - last updated: 3-1-03 - -