Dawn: "My advice to you is to do exactly what everyone else does all the time."
Willow: "Got it."
Dawn: "Do what everyone else does, wear what everyone else wears, say what everyone else says."
Willow: "Okay."
Dawn: "People may say something to you, you don't understand. Just don't be afraid to keep your mouth shut and pretend like you know what they're saying."
Willow: "You know, Dawn, I've been to college before."
Dawn: "People may say something like, 'My protein window closes in an hour.' Just nod and smile. Turns out it has something to do with fitness."

Xander: "There are no hopes. Anya and I are done. I love being single. I'm a strong, successful male who is giddy at the thought of all the women I will no doubt be dating in the near future."
Buffy: "Strong, successful males say 'giddy'?"

Dawn: "She should try acting like everyone else more."
Willow: "Apparently it's what all the kids are doing nowadays."

Anyanka: "What have I done?"

Olaf: "Aud! Sweet, beautiful Aud! I am so hungry, I could eat a small child."
Aud: "Olaf! Are you injured? You smell of blood and musk."
Olaf: "Fear not! It takes more than a band of minor trolls to bring down the mighty Olaf."
Aud: "Trolls!"
Olaf: "Oh, they are wretched creatures indeed. The mere thought of them makes me bend at the knee and flex."

Olaf: "Is it my imagination or do we have substantially more rabbits in this house today?"
Aud: "Oh, they breed so quickly that it's-"
Olaf: "All this talk of breeding... it makes me want to breed!"
Aud: "Honey, of course."

Aud: "The rapid reproductive rate of our rabbits has given me an idea. I can give the excess out to the townspeople, exchanging them not for goods or services but for goodwill and the sense of accomplishment that steams from selflessly giving of yourself to others."
Olaf: "Ha, ha, ha! Sweet Aud! Your logic is insane and happenstance, like that of a troll."

Olaf: "It is not my fault they don't take kindly to you. You speak your mind and are annoying. It's one of the things I love most about you."

Spike: "I don't trust what I see anymore. I don't know how to explain it, exactly. It's like I've been seeing things. Dru used to see things, you know? She'd always be staring up at the sky, watching cherubs burn or the heavens bleed or some nonsense. I used to stare at her and think she'd gone completely sack of hammers. But she'd see the sky when we were inside and it'd make her so happy. She'd see showers. She'd see stars. Now I see her."

Buffy: "Get up and get out of this basement."
Spike: "I don't have anywhere else to go."

Professor: "What am I going to say? No, I don't want my best student back in my class? Well, of course I noticed that drop-off in your grades at mid-term last year and I was concerned..."
Willow: "Yeah, that was-"
Professor: "But then... viola. You turned it around and aced all your finals like... boom. Magic."
Willow: "Yeah, similar to but..."

Willow: "Oh, I'm starting back up at school again. Yeah, I can't believe how great everyone's been. I was a little worried but I already have books and homework adn they even said they'd give me periodic surprise quizzes just to make up for the ones that I missed, and... what're you doing here, walking out of a fraternity house in the middle of the day?"
Anyanka: "I have a new boyfriend now. He lives here."
Willow: "That's great."
Anyanka: "Yeah, we just had lots and lots of sex."
Willow: "Okay. This is so great. I am so happy to see you've... moved on."
Anyanka: "Yeah, we're tremendously happy together. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for something important."

Rachel: "I take it back."
Willow: "What do you take back?"

Rachel: "They laughed and they laughed and I cried and they laughed. And I yelled, 'Just once, I wish you could all feel what it's like to have your hearts ripped out. Just once I wish...' And then it came."

Willow: "For god's sake, shut your whimpering mouth!"

Villager #1: "Troll!"
Villager #2: "It's the largest troll I've ever seen!"
Villager #1: "Run! Hide your babies and your beadwork!"

Villager #1: "The troll is doing an Olaf impersonation!"
Olaf: "I am Olaf!"
Villager #1: "Hit him with fruits and various meats."

D'Hoffryn: "How rude of me. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is D'Hoffryn."
Aud: "I am Aud."
D'Hoffryn: "Are you? Hmm. I'm afraid you don't see your true self. You are Anyanka."

Aud: "I don't talk to people much. I mean, I talk to them but they don't talk to me. Except to say that your questions are irksome and perhaps you should take your furs and your literal interpretations to the other side of the river."

Olaf: "Come here, tiny man. You are small and toy-like."

Aud: "Why do you keep calling me that? My name is Aud."
D'Hoffryn: "Perhaps but Anyanka is who you are."
Aud: "What would I have to do?"
D'Hoffryn: "What you do best. Help wronged women punish evil men."
Aud: "Vengeance."
D'Hoffryn: "But only to those who deserve it."
Aud: "They all deserve it."
D'Hoffryn: "That's where I was going with that, yeah."

Buffy: "Hello. Willow, hey! Is everything... a spider demon? Wh... hold on. Are you alright? Like how? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Wait, okay, go ahead. No, no, it's all good. I'll get Xander to go. But seriously, you just... Whoa. Ripped out the heart? My god. Hey, did you get that physics class you wanted?"

Willow: "Anya, listen to me. You're in trouble. You know it. I'm here to help you."
Anyanka: "You're here to... well, that's great, Willow. Flayed anybody lately, have you? How quickly they forget!"
Willow: "I haven't forgotten one second of it."

Xander: "So did she say what this thing is?"
Buffy: "Some sort of spider demony thingy. She had to go pretty quickly. I think she had to sign up for classes or something."
Xander: "Ah, yes, there is little that can distract the Willow when she's on the hunt for the mighty syllabi."

Buffy: "But I can't imagine she'd send us out if it wasn't... the heart is completely ripped out. This is our guy."
Xander: "Or a copycat spider demon."

Xander: "This isn't springy high-flying fun."

Xander: "I think we need more swords."
Buffy: "Uh-huh."
Xander: "I say we go home, pick up more swords, and some sort of spidery demon protection amulet. We come back and - or..."

Xander: "When were you planning on telling us?"
Willow: "I'm telling you now."
Xander: "Great. Thank you."

Buffy: "She didn't tell us for a reason. She didn't tell us because she knows what I have to do... I have to kill Anya."

Halfrek: "What else is there? Why, the whole world, for one, Darling, take a look around. There's a lot to see. There's a revolution going on outside that you are somewhat responsible for. Aren't you the teeniest bit interested?"
Anyanka: "Well, what is there to be interested in? The worker will overthrow absoltism and lead the proletariat to a victorious communist revolution, resulting in socio-economic paradise on earth. It's common sense, really. I have better things to worry about."

Anyanka: "I'm talking about life. Vengeance is what I do, Halfrek. I don't need anything else. Vengeance is what I am."

Xander: "Took you all of ten seconds to decide to kill one of your best friends?"
Buffy: "The thought that it might come to this has occurred to me before. It's occurred to you, too."

Xander: "This isn't new ground for us. When our friends go all crazy and start killing people, we help them."
Willow: "Sitting right here."

Xander: "Buffy, I still love her."
Buffy: "I know. And that's why you can't see this for what it really is. Willow was different. She's a human. Anya's a demon."
Xander: "And you're the Slayer. I see now how it's all very simple."
Buffy: "It is never simple."
Xander: "No, of course not. You know, if there's a mass-murdering demon that you're, oh say, boning, then it's all gray area."
Buffy: "Spike was harmless. He was helping."
Xander: "He had no choice."
Buffy: "And Anya did! She chose to be a demon. Twice."
Xander: "You have no idea what she's going through."
Buffy: "I don't care what she's going through."

Buffy: "Do you remember cheering me on? Both of you. Do you remember giving me Willow's message: kick his ass."
Willow: "I never said that..."
Xander: "This is different."
Buffy: "It is always different! It's always complicated. And at some point, someone has to draw the line and that is always going to be me. You get down on me for cutting myself off but in the end the Slayer is always cut off. There's no mystical guidebook. No all-knowing council. Human rules don't apply. There's only me. I am the law."
Xander: "There has to be another way."
Buffy: "Then please find it."

D'Hoffryn: "Behold, D'Hoffryn. Lord of Arashmahar. He that turns the air to blood and rains... Miss Rosenberg. How lovely to see you again? Have you done something with your hair?"
Willow: "Hello, D'Hoffryn."
D'Hoffryn: "I figured I'd be hearing from you soon. The flaying of Warren Mears? Oh, truly inspired. That was water cooler vengeance. Lloyd has a sketch of it on his wall."

Anyanka: "Everyone is so considerate today. I should've slaughtered people weeks ago."
Xander: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did to you. Everything I put you through."
Anyanka: "Thank you. All better. Thank goodness you got here in time."

Xander: "Did everyone have their crazy flakes today?"

Anyanka: "This is getting to be a pattern with you, Buffy. Are there any friends of yours left you haven't tried to kill? C'mon, Buffy. Don't you have a clever retort for me?"

Xander: "I just want... happy... ending."

Anya: "Honey? Was that weird? That thing earlier with the singing... and the coconuts."
Xander: "What? No, it's fine."

Anya: "Mr. Xander Harris. That's what he is to the world outside. That's the name he carries with pride. I'm just lately Anya. Not very much to the world, I know. All these years with nothing to show. I've boned a troll, I've wreaked some wrath, But on the whole, I've had no path. I like to bowl, I'm good with math. But who am I? Now I reply that. I'm the Missus. I will be his Missus. Mrs. Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins Harris. What's the point of loving... (I mean except for the sweaty part.) What's the point of losing your heart? Maybe if you're lucky Being a pair makes you twice as tall. Maybe you're not losing at all. No need to cover up my heart, Plus see above, re: sweaty part. So maybe love is pretty smart And so am I. I found my guy! And I'll be Missus. I will be his Missus. Mrs. Anya Lame-Ass-Made-Up-Maiden-Name Harris. We'll never part, Not if we can. And if we start Then here's my plan. I'll show him what bliss is, Welcome him with kisses Cause this is a Missus who misses her man. He's my Xander and he's awfully swell. It makes financial sense as well. Although he can b- I'll never tell. Just stand aside. Here comes the bride. I'll be Missus. I will be his Missus. I will be-"

Anyanka: "Stop trying to save me, Xander!"

D'Hoffryn: "Oh, please, don't mind me. Continue with whatever it was you were doing... Oh, breathtaking. It's like somebody slaughtered an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog... Easy now. I'd be gone before you could swing. Isn't that just like a Slayer? Solving all her problems by sticking things with sharp objects."

Xander: "Her name is Anya."
D'Hoffryn: "Actually, funny historical side-bar, her original name was -"

Anyanka: "Xander, you can't help me. I'm not even sure there's a me to help. I understand the price. Do it."
D'Hoffryn: "You're sure? This is your wish?"
Anyanka: "This is my wish. Undo what I did."
D'Hoffryn: "Very well."
Xander: "No!"
Halfrek: "Anya!"
Anyanka: "Hallie!"
D'Hoffryn: "Who did you think you were dealing with? Did you think it would be that easy to get away?"
Anya: "Why?"
D'Hoffryn: "Why? Because you wished it!"
Anya: "But she was yours."
D'Hoffryn: "Like you were mine? Haven't I taught you anything, Anya? Never go for the kill when you can go for the pain."

D'Hoffryn: "There will always be vengeance demons. But now you, Anya, you're out. Congratuations. Your wish is granted."

Xander: "Whatever's between us... it doesn't matter. You shouldn't be alone in this."
Anya: "Yes,I should. My whole life, I've just clung to whatever came along."
Xander: "Well, speaking as a clingee... I kinda didn't mind."
Anya: "Thanks for everything... Xander... what if I'm really nobody?"
Xander: "Don't be a dope."
Anya: "I'm a dope?"
Xander: "Sometimes."
Anya: "That's a start."

Episode Guide: Selfless

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- - last updated: 12-6-02 - -