Beer Bad
Maggie: "These are the things we want. Simple things. Comfort, sex, shelter, food. We always want them and we want them all the time. The id doesn't learn, it doesn't grow up. It has the ego telling it what it can't have and it has the superego telling it what it should want. But the id works solely out of the pleasure principle. It wants. Whatever social skills you've learned, however much we've evolved, the pleasure principal is at work in all of us. So, how does this conflict with the ego manifest itself in the psyche? What do we do when we can't have what we want?"
Buffy: "Stop flicking at me."
* Xander shows the girls his fake ID *
Willow: "I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up."
Xander: "What gives it away?"
Willow: "Looking at it."
Buffy: "Well, even if I've had a pretend cigarette I couldn't tell you my pretend problems. The real ones have clogged up my headspace."
Xander: "Ooh, unload em right here baby. Rough day? You wanna talk about it? Shutting up now."
Willow: "I'm pregnant by my stepbrother who'd rather be with my best friend who left me with no place to live. No food except this bottle of wild turkey which I drank all up... That was me being tanked and friendless for ya."
Xander: "Gets my Oscar nod."
Buffy: "You know maybe, maybe he's just having trouble dealing. I mean, don't guys sometimes put the girl the really, really like inside these deep little brain fantasy bubbles where everything's perfect? They do that right?"
Xander: "How's that fugue state coming along?"
Willow: "Parker."
Buffy: "Maybe I'm in his bubble and then pretty soon he's going to realize that he wants more than just bubble Buffy and he'll pop me out and we'll go to dinner and it could happen right?"
Willow: "Buffy. And as my best friend you need to stop thinking about Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis."
Xander: "Nothing can defeat the penis! Too loud, very unseemly."
Buffy: "Oooh. Riley, I'm so sorry."
Riley: "That's okay you know, but most people go around. I'm not saying you can't go through me, it's just that the other is much quicker."
Buffy: "In my defense you do take up a lot of space."
Xander: "Buffy? Rough day? Wanna tell me about it?"
Buffy: "It's just. Parker's problem with intimacy turns out to be that he can't get enough of it. And I knew it. I knew what he was. If he were tied and gagged and left in a cave that vampires happen to frequent it wouldn't really be like I killed him really."
Xander: "Buffy."
Buffy: "I'm a slut."
Xander: "No."
Buffy: "Idiot."
Xander: "No."
Oz: "Hey. You got a table."
Willow: "I had to kill a man."
Oz: "Well, it's a really good table."
Buffy: "My mother always said that beer was evil."
Guy: "Evil. Good. These are moral absolutes that predate the absolution of malt and fine hops. You see, wait, where was I?"
Buffy: "I'm really not sure."
Buffy: "You guys really like to hear yourselves speak, don't ya."
Buffy: "TV is a good thing. Bright colors. Music. Tiny little people."
Willow: "What did you do with Buffy?"
Buffy: "I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of badness."
Willow: "You didn't. Not with Parker again."
Buffy: "No, with four really smart guys."
Willow: "Four? Oh. Ow. Oh Buffy, are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?"
Buffy: "I went to see Xander. Then I saw Parker. Then came beer."
Willow: "And then group sex?"
Buffy: "Gutter face. No! Just lots and lots of beer. It's nice. Foamy. Comforting. It's just beer."
Willow: "Drowning your troubles over Parker. Mind frying man! He deserves a slow and torturous death by spiderbites. Well, for today we'll just have to throw spitballs at his neck in class."
Buffy: "Okay."
Willow: "Uh, getting dressed would be fun too."
Xander: "It's time to go home Buffy."
Buffy: "Want more singing. Want more beer."
Xander: "No, I've cut you off."
Buffy: "Did it hurt?"
Xander: "Out you go."
Buffy: "Ow, oh, want beer. Like beer. Beer good."
Xander: "Beer bad. Bad, bad beer. What the hell am I saying? Buffy, go home and go to bed."
Buffy: "Say bye."
Xander: "Bye."
Buffy: "Bye."
Neanderthal: "Fire bad. Fire pretty."
Xander: "Fire angry!"
Jack: "That's the great thing about beer. It makes all men the same."
Jack: "Relax. It well wear off in a day or so."
Xander: "In a day or so someone is going to get killed. You're a bad, bad man."
Giles: "I can't believe you served Buffy that beer."
Xander: "I didn't know it was evil."
Giles: "But you knew it was beer."
Xander: "Well excues me, Mr. 'I spent the sixties in an electric Kool-Aid funky Satan groove'."
Giles: "It was the early seventies and you should know better."
Buffy: "Want people. Where people go?"
Giles: "The TV is off."
Buffy: "Want! Want people."
Buffy: "Boy smells nice."
Buffy: "Beer? Buffy want beer."
Giles: "You can't have beer."
Buffy: "Want beer."
Xander: "Giles, don't make cave slayer unhappy."
Xander: "Aha, can't find the beer. Good. Freshman girls unable to hold the beer, shouldn't have it. Get into trouble... Hey, we're good. Remember the boy? Boy smells good yeah? Is there any part of Buffy still in there... Oh no."
Buffy: "Fire bad!"
Giles: "Blonde. Um, about this tall. Walks with sort of a sideways limp."
Xander: "And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer?"
Buffy: "Foamy!"
Xander: "Good, just as long as that's clear."