Faith: "So, what, you're telling me never?!"
Buffy: "Faith! Really, now is not the time!"
Faith: "I'm curious! Never ever?! Come on, really. All this time, and not even once?"
Buffy: "How many times do I have to say it? I have never... done it... with Xander! He's just a friend."
Faith: "So? What are friends for? I mean, I'm sorry, it's just, all this sweaty-nightly, side-by-side action, and you never put in for a little after-hours?"
Buffy: "Thanks for the poetry. And, no. I love Xander. I just don't... love Xander. Besides, I think it ruins friendship to do that stuff."
Faith: "You think too much."
Buffy: "The count of three isn't a plan. It's Sesame Street."
Wilkins: "Do you like Family Circus?"
Trick: "I like Marmaduke."
Wilkins: "Oh! Eww! He's always on the furniture. Unsanitary."
Trick: "Nobody can tell Marmaduke what to do. That's my kinda dog."
Allan: "I like to read Cathy."
Willow: "I'm so overwhelmed! I-I got in! To actual colleges! And, a-and they're wooing me! They're pitching woo!"
Buffy: "The wooing stage is always fun."
Willow: "But it's weird. Now, rejection I can handle cause of the years of training, but this..."
Cordelia: "That's so cute! Planning life as a loser? Most people just turn out that way, but you're really taking charge."
Xander: "The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase, everyone. Who, uh, incidentally, won't be needing a higher education when she markets her own very successful line of hooker wear."
Cordelia: "Well, Xander, I could dress more like you, but, oh, my father has a job."
Xander: "I'm not gonna waste the perfect comeback on you now. But don't think I don't have it. Oh, yes! Its time will come!"
Wesley: "I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself. Under controlled circumstances, of course."
Giles: "Well, no danger of finding those here."
Giles: "Controlled circumstances. Hello, Buffy."
Wesley: "Well... Hello."
Buffy: "New Watcher?"
Giles: "New Watcher."
Wesley: "Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. It's very nice to meet you."
Buffy: "Is he evil?"
Buffy: "The last one was evil."
Buffy: "Is he evil?"
Giles: "Not in the strictest sense."
Wesley: "Well, I'm glad that's cleared up. As I'm sure none of us is anxious to waste any time on pleasantries, why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol."
Buffy: "Killed em."
Wesley: "Anything else you can tell me?"
Wesley: "Swords... One long, one short?"
Buffy: "Mmm. Both pointy."
Giles: "El Eliminati. Fifteenth Century..."
Wesley: "Fifteenth Century duelist cult, deadly in their day. Their numbers dwindled in later centuries due to an increase in anti-vampire activity and a lot of pointless dueling. They eventually became the acolytes of a demon called Balthazar, who brought them to the New World, specifically here."
Giles: "You seem to know a lot about them."
Wesley: "I didn't get this job because of my looks."
Buffy: "I really, really believe that."
Wesley: "Are you not used to being given orders?"
Buffy: "Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says 'please'. And afterwards I get a cookie."
Wesley: "Ah. This is perhaps Faith."
Faith: "New Watcher?"
Buffy/Giles: "New Watcher."
Faith: "Screw that."
Buffy: "Now, why didn't I just say that?"
Faith: "We're Slayers girlfriend, the Chosen Two. Why should we let him take all the fun out of it?"
Buffy: "Oh, that would be tragic, taking the fun out of slaying, stabbing, beheading."
Faith: "Oh, like you don't dig it."
Buffy: "Again with the grunting. You realize I'm not comfortable with this."
Faith: "Hey, slaying's what we were built for. If you're not enjoying it, you're doing something wrong."
Wesley: "Oh, yes! Here's your first entry. 'Slayer is willful and insolent.' That would be our girl, wouldn't it?"
Giles: "Well, you have to get to know her."
Wesley: "Mm. 'Her abuse of the English language is such that I understand only every other sentence.' Oh, this is going to make fascinating reading."
Buffy: "I hate it when they drown me."
Faith: "Tell me you don't get off on this!"
Buffy: "It didn't suck."
Wesley: "Remember the three key words for any Slayer: preparation... preparation... preparation."
Buffy: "That's one word three times."
Wesley: "You're not helping."
Giles: "No. I feel just sick about it."
Buffy: "How come your eye twitches every time I say Faith's name?"
Xander: "What? No, it doesn't."
Xander: "Cut it out! We got a test to take, okay? And I'm highly caffeinated, and I'm trying to concentrate."
Buffy: "What's the what?"
Wesley: "Ah. There you are."
Buffy: "Ah. Speak of the really annoying person."
Buffy: "Okay, we got ten, maybe twelve bad guys and one big demon in desperate need of a Stairmaster."
Faith: "When are ya gonna get this, B? Life for a Slayer is very simple: want... take... have."
Buffy: "Want... take... have. I'm getting it."
Officer: "Now spread em."
Faith: "You wish."
Officer: "Hands in the air where I can see em. Slow! Good. Now cuff em."
Faith: "I like him. He's butch."
Joyce: "You sure about those waffles?"
Buffy: "Yeah. But if you want them, I can help you make them."
Joyce: "No. They only don't have calories if I make them for you... Mom logic."
Wilkins: "Thank you, Mr. Trick. That was very thoughtful of you."
Trick: "Why do they always gotta be using swords? It's called an Uzi, ya chump! Could have saved your ass right about now."
Giles: "If you want to criticize my methods, fine. But you can keep your snide remarks to yourself. And while you're at it, don't criticize my methods."
Buffy: "FAITH, NO!... Dont' move!"
Faith: "I didn't... I didn't know. I didn't know."
Wesley: "Oh, God! Oh, God!"
Giles: "It doesn't seem too promising, does it?"
Wesley: "Stay calm, Mr. Giles. We have to stay calm."
Giles: "Well, thank God you're here. I was planning to panic."
Wesley: "What is that thing?"
Giles: "That would be your demon. You know, the dead one?"
Wesley: "There's no need to get snippy."
Balthazar: "Pull off his kneecaps!"
Wesley: "NOO! No, no, no! The Slayer g-gave it to someone. A tall man, a friend... a friend of hers. I can tell you everything."
Giles: "Quite, you twerp! They'll kill us both."
Wesley: "But I'd like to have my kneecaps."
Balthazar: "Un... Unaceeptable! UNACCEPTABLE!"
Balthazar: "Slayer! You think you've won. When he rises... you'll wish I'd killed you all."
Lumber Union Reschedule
Meeting With PTA
Buffy: "Faith, you don't get it. You killed a man."
Faith: "No, you don't get it. I don't care!"