Homecoming
Cordelia: "What's going on here? Did Scott not ask her to the Homecoming Dance yet?"
Buffy: "Thanks, Cordelia. Humiliation's really good for my color."
Boss: "Is that her?"
Trick: "In the nubile flesh, my friend. That's the target."
Wilkins: "Would you show me your hands, please?"
Allan: "Sir?"
Wilkins: "Your hands... I think they could be cleaner."
Allan: "Of course, sir. I-I mean, I, I washed them, but..."
Wilkins: "After every meal and under your fingernails. Dirt gets trapped there... and germs... and mayonnaise. My dear mother said, 'cleanliness is next to godliness', and I believed her. She never caught a cold."
Wilkins: "You have all my faith."
Xander: "Whatcha doin?"
Cordelia: "Checking out the I-laughingly-use-the-phrase competition. Holly Charleston: nice girl, brain dead, doesn't have a prayer. Michelle Blake: open to all mankind, especially those with a letterman's jacket and a car. She could give me a run."
Xander: "Buffy and Faith are in the library getting all sweaty."
Cordelia: "They're training."
Xander: "I stand by my phrase."
Buffy: "I can't believe it. My favorite teacher, and she didn't even remember who I was. I'm like a non-person. Am I invisible? Can you see me?"
Oz: "Big as life."
Buffy: "I'm gonna show you how it's done. I'm gonna run for Homecoming Queen, and I'm going to win."
Cordelia: "This is starting to be sad."
Buffy: "Sorry, Cordy, but you have no idea who you're messing with."
Cordelia: "What? The Slayer?"
Buffy: "I'm not talking about the Slayer. I'm talking about Buffy. You've awakened the Prom Queen within. And that crown is going to be mine."
Trick: "Competition. Competition is a beautiful thing. It makes us strive. It... makes us accomplish. Occasionally, it makes us kill. We all have the desire to win. Whether we're human... vampire... and whatever the hell you are, my brother. You got them spiny-looking head things I ain't never seen them before."
Kulak: "I am Kulak, of the Miquot Clan."
Trick: "Isn't that nice."
Trick: "Ladies, gentlemen, spiny-headed looking creatures, welcome to SlayerFest '98!"
Xander: "That didn't just happen!"
Willow: "No! I mean, it did, but it didn't!"
Xander: "Because I respect you. And Oz. And I would never..."
Willow: "I would never, either! I'it must be the clothes. I-it's a fluke."
Xander: "It's a clothes fluke, that's what it is. And there'll be no more fluking."
Willow: "Not ever."
Xander: "We gotta get out of these clothes!"
Willow: "Right now!"
Xander: "Oh, I didn't mean..."
Willow: "I didn't... me, either!"
Buffy: "Now, this is just like any other popularity contest. I've done this before. The only difference being this time, I'm not actually popular. Although, I'm not exactly unpopular. A lot of people came to my welcome home party."
Willow: "But they were killed by zombies."
Buffy: "Good point."
Oz: "As Willow goes, so goes my nation."
Buffy: "Willow, it's okay that you're helping Cordelia. We're best friends. I'm not gonna hold it against you."
Willow: "No, I'm not a friend. I'm a rabid dog who should be shot! But there's forces at work here! Dark, incomprehensible forces."
Buffy: "And I'm sure they're more important than all we've been through together, or... the number of times I've saved your life."
Willow: "What do you want?"
Buffy: "Fifteen minutes alone on your computer with Cordelia's database."
Willow: "Kay."
Xander: "Okay, let's not say something we'll, uh, regret later..."
Cordelia: "You crazy freak!"
Buffy: "Vapid whore!"
Xander: "...like that!"
Cordelia: "What did you call me?!"
Cordelia: "I don't see what the big deal is."
Buffy: "I'm not making a big deal. You wanted the orchid, you got the orchid."
Cordelia: "It goes with my complexion better."
Buffy: "It does have that sallow tint."
Cordelia: "Hello! How stupid are you people! She's a Slayer. I'm a Homecoming Queen!"
Giles: "We have to find Buffy. Something terrible's happened. Just kidding. Thought I'd give you a scare."
Faith: "Scott? There you are, honey! Hey, good news. The doctor says that the itching and the swelling and the burning should clear up, but we gotta keep using the ointment. Hi."
Giles: "I suspect the, uh, finger food contains... actual fingers."
Buffy: "We should be safe in here for a while. You need to find a weapon."
Cordelia: "Safe? I'm not safe. I'm gonna die!"
Buffy: "Yeah, you are if you just stand there."
Cordelia: "I'm never gonna be crowned Homecoming Queen. I'm never gonna graduate from high school. I'm never gonna know if it's real between me and Xander, or if it's just... some temporary insanity that made me think... I loved him. And now I'm never gonna get the chance to tell him."
Buffy: "Yes, you are. We are gonna get out of here, and we are gonna head back to the library, where Giles and the rest of the weapons live. Then I'm gonna take out the rest of these guys just in time for you to congratulate mon on my sweeping victory as Homecoming Queen."
Cordelia: "I know what you're up to. You think if you get me mad enough, I won't be so scared. And, hey! It's working! Where's a damn weapon?"
Buffy: "You really love Xander?"
Cordelia: "Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet."
Cordelia: "Why is it every time I go somewhere with you, it always ends in violence and terror?"
Buffy: "Welcome to my life."
Cordelia: "I don't wanna be in your life. I wanna be in my life."
Buffy: "Cor, the gun! Ooh! Cordelia, the spatula."
Cordelia: "Those animals! Hunting us down like poor defenseless... well, animals."
Lyle: "I'm gonna..."
Cordelia: "Rip out my innards, play with my eyeballs, boil my brains and eat it for brunch? Listen up, needle-brain. Buffy and I have taken out four of your cronies, not to mention your girlfriend."
Lyle: "WIFE!"
Cordelia: "Whatever. The point is, I haven't even broken a sweat. See, in the end, Buffy's just the runner-up. I'm the Queen. You get me mad, what do you think I'm gonna do to you?"
Lyle: "Later."
Wilkins: "That's an exciting suit."
Trick: "Well, clothes make the man."
Wilkins: "That's a very enterprising idea you have: SlayerFest. I love that name, by the way. You see, that's the kind of initiative I need on my team."
Trick: "What if I don't wanna be a part of the team?"
Wilkins: "Oh, no, that won't be an issue. See, you and I are gonna get along very well. Moist towelette?"
Xander: "Oh, God! What did you do to each other?"
Buffy: "Long story."
Cordelia: "Got hunted."
Buffy: "Apparently not that long."